Fire On Water: Chapter Two

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Read chapter one first, obviously. Read and review! :D

He looked winningly at us and Liz snarled at him, unable to say anything. The panic was threatening to overwhelm me, and I felt tears begin to run down my own cheeks as I began to shiver from the cold.
The seawater was mingling with our tears on both our faces, and JB stepped back, looking slightly repulsed. “Ugh. Don’t cry. It’s disturbing.” I growled at the same time Liz did.
Another man came down the steps, and he barely glanced at us as he turned to JB. “We should leave. I think the parents will soon go looking for their children.” He nodded in our direction.
JB tilted his head to one side, stroking his grizzly chin and examining the ceiling before addressing the man. “All right. Let’s go.” He walked up the steps after the burly man, leaving Liz and me alone in the dark.
“Mmmm?” Liz asked me. I peered towards her, but I couldn’t see anything in the darkness. I didn’t understand what she was saying, but I tried to ask her if she was all right.
It came out more like, “Mmhumph.” She didn’t bother to answer. I let the silence stretch, shivering with cold and fear as the sea water plastered my short brown hair to my skull before gathering in a puddle at the foot of my chair. Under my feet, the floor vibrated, and I heard a sound. The engine was going into motion.
I heard Liz make a sound and then gag and I craned my neck, trying to see her in the darkness. The engine was suddenly cut, and I heard voices and another engine. My heart leapt, hoping that it was our parents. When I listened hard, I heard their voices, and determination made me stronger again
I shifted my weight until my chair moved against the floor, scooting towards Liz. When I could finally see her in the darkness, her face lit up and she began to wriggle towards me.
Soon, we were sitting back to back, and my relief at being close to her again was so great that I grabbed her hands and held them tight for a moment, relishing the contact before she grabbed the ropes around my wrists and started to undo the knot.
When she got the ropes off I tore off my gag and undid the ropes around my ankles before doing to Liz’s ropes. I suppressed a curse at the sight of her fingers, scraped raw from undoing my knot, but I quickly went to work.
I heard Mary and Mark talking to the people who had us in this room, and they were led down into the room next to the one we were in. “…I haven’t seen your children, but feel free to search. I completely understand your concern. Have you contacted the coast guards?” JB’s voice was silky smooth, the perfect blend of concern and acquiescence. Mary’s voice came nearer.
“Thank you. We haven’t called the guards yet.” Her voice was strained, and I mentally smacked my forehead for not listening to her warning and getting Liz to come with me.
Mom’s voice came, comforting but scared. “Mary, it’ll be okay.” I could tell that she really was terrified, and it made me scared. Involuntarily, I tightened my grip on Liz’s wrists before quickly letting go, realizing I was hurting her. She sucked in a deep breath and then let out a piercing yell.
“Mom! Dad! Julie! Dave!” She yelled out their names, and I joined in quickly, still working to undo the stupid knots around her wrists. When we both stopped to breathe, we heard sounds on the other side of the door.
“They’re in there! Our children! Let us in there!” Dad yelled, pounding on the door. My heart constricted with a mix of fear and adrenaline. With the parents here, nothing bad could happen.
JB proved me wrong. “Take them down! Don’t kill them!” He barked out orders, no longer bothering to smoothen his voice. Fear spiked through me. Were they going to hurt Mom and Dad? What about Mary and Mark?
I tore the ropes from Liz’s wrists, and then we both worked on her ankles, screaming as loud as we could the whole time. When Liz was free, we both ran towards the door.
“Mom and Dad! Dave, Julie, don’t get hurt!” She yelled. Her ankle seemed to give out on her, and she fell. I hauled her back up, and she winced as I turned away again and jiggled the door.
Suddenly, the sounds on the other end of the door were cut off, and everything was completely silent. My breath caught as I strained to hear something, anything. My fists were clenched so hard that my nails were cutting into the skin of my palms, but I barely noticed. Every fiber of my being was waiting for sound on the other end of the door.
Finally, we heard something being dragged up the stairs. Heavy things. About four of them. “Mom! Dad!” Liz yelled. I banged on the door again as Liz threw herself at it, trying to open it.
Just as she was about to crash into the door, it opened and she hit JB full in the stomach before falling to the ground. I moved to go towards her, but before I could reach her, JB grabbed her by the arm and dragged her upright roughly. Liz’s wet hair whipped around her face as she snapped her head up to stare fearfully at him, and in the next second, JB had slapped her hard across the face, making her fall.
Fury boiled in my veins as I watched. How dare he? Without thinking about it, I jumped on him, hitting his back as hard as I could. JB whirled, throwing me off his back and through the air.
I panicked, trying to fall on my feet to help Liz. But I landed hard, and the last thing I remembered before I blacked out was my head cracking against the back of one of the chairs as I fell.

~~~~~~~~~~~

I heard her voice calling my name. “Ash? Ash, are you here?” I managed to move a little, but I couldn’t bring myself to open my eyes, even for Liz. Everything hurt. My face was a whole mass of pain, and my back and limbs were sore from the fall. I couldn’t even feel my arms, because they were so tightly tied to the chair.
“Ash!” Her voice came again, and I made an effort to open my eyes and sit up. I ended up shaking my head as I leaned farther into the ropes holding me in place. I was trying very hard to really wake up when I heard a voice I already hated.
“Hello Liz!” JB’s voice was obscenely cheerful, and I heard Liz swallow before answering.
“How do you know my name? And it’s Charlize.” Her voice was cold, but JB only laughed, making me even angrier than I already was.
“And I will call you Liz. Hopefully for you, your parents will pay the ransom. But we may decide to keep you… your defiance in a good characteristic in out business.” I could almost hear the smirk in his words. But even when he said “Yes… I think we’ll take you up now.” I couldn’t make myself wake up.
I heard Liz jump to her feet and then fall, and I managed to open my eyes a tiny bit to see if she was okay. Still, I wasn’t really awake. I forced myself to look up and actually open my eyes as JB spoke.
“Liz, you’re on a boat. You won’t be able to run yet. Just come onto the deck. I want you to meet everyone.” Our predicament hit me hard in that moment, and I groaned as I lifted my head. Liz ran over to me, and suddenly the lights turned on.
I blinked, momentarily blinded by the light, but I concentrated on looking at Liz. Her hands scrabbled uselessly at the ropes around me, and JB laughed. “Don’t bother. He’s staying here for now.” I glared at him before I straightened and flexed my fingers, rolling my neck in an effort to get feeling back in my limbs.
“Oh god, I feel like crap.” I said in a low voice. Liz nodded sympathetically. The stupid ropes wouldn’t loosen, and Liz finally gave up. Going around so that she was in front of me, she rubbed my arms, hoping to get some feeling back into them
“Ash, what happened to you?” Liz asked. I guessed that I looked even worse than I felt, so I just shrugged.
“Nothing. My face hurts from where I hit the floor though.” Suddenly, I had a thought. What if Liz was leaving me? What if I never saw her again because they hurt her? The thought consumed me, and I stared hard at her, trying to memorize everything about her.
“Where are you going?” I asked. My voice was quiet and calm, but inside my feelings were in turmoil. A feeling I didn’t recognize was welling in me all of a sudden, making me half crazy. Enlightenment dawned on Liz’s face as she watched me, and she hugged me tight, burying her face in my neck.
“I’m being taken up to the deck to see something. Then I’m coming back. Don’t worry.” She pulled back a tiny bit, so that we were practically nose to nose. I smiled sadly at her. “Come back.”
JB had come up behind Liz, and now he gently lifted her to her feet. I snarled at him as she was led from the room, looking over her shoulder at me. I would kill him if he hurt her. And I would die to protect her. That was a sudden thought, and I realized I could use that. I wouldn’t have to actually die, but if I traded myself to JB and Liz went free… It was a good idea.
I formulated my plan while waiting for Liz to come back. Liz, of course, would never let me carry out my idea. So she just wouldn’t know. It killed me to hide something from her, but I could do it. I was so lost in my planning that I didn’t realize that the door had opened until the lights turned on, and I blinked in the sudden light, momentarily blinded.
“Ash, are you okay?” Liz asked anxiously, coming over to me and running her hands over the ropes. I nodded silently, feeling worn out. Curiosity was coming back to me though, and I was about to ask what had happened when a big, burly man came over.
Liz put one of her hands on my cheek. “Don’t worry. Gage won’t hurt us. He’s been told to take care of us.” She seemed to look at Gage to make sure that what she was saying was true. He nodded and began to work on my ropes. I watched carefully as he began to saw through the ropes, making sure his knife didn’t touch me.
As he sawed, he spoke. “Rule one: Don’t ever insult or threaten the captain. You might not live to talk about it.” Liz shuddered at his dark tone. “Rule two: Stay out of the way unless I’m with you. Rule three: Don’t complain. That’s pretty much it.” He said, finishing the last of the ropes.
When the ropes fell off of me, I slumped forward, gasping at the sudden release. I was completely numb, and the sudden flow of blood almost hurt. Liz grabbed me before I could fall, and with her help I got to my feet. When she saw my wrists, she hissed and her eyes narrowed.
“Liz, its fine. Calm down.” I said, trying to placate her. I really was fine. As long as she was okay, which she appeared to be, then I was okay. Liz closed her eyes and took a breath, not wanting to look at the blood.
“Here.” It was Gage. I stared distrustfully at the two pieces of cloth Gage had gotten from somewhere. Finally, I took them and began to wrap one of them around my wrist, fumbling with the ties. Liz took it and tied it for me, moving on to the next one even though she knew it killed me to be taken care of by someone else, even her. I endured it, knowing it was necessary.
“All right!” I said as soon as she was done. “What’s the plan?” We both looked expectantly at Gage. After all, he was a grown up.
“First, you need to change. You’ll get sick in those bathing suits.” I looked down, surprised, having completely forgotten what I was wearing. Gage led both of us to a closet, which seemed to hold shirts and pants of all sizes.
“We don’t have anything for people as small as you.” He said, rummaging through everything. Finally, he pulled out a black t-shirt and handed it to me. It went down almost to my knees, but I put it on, and then I took off my swimming trunks. What I was wearing could have passed for a robe, but Gage handed me a pair of black sweatpants.
I grabbed them and put them quickly on, glad for the waist string, which I tied tightly so my pants didn’t fall down. Liz was given similar clothes, and Gage pronounced us satisfactory. We trailed behind him as he got two bedrolls, and then we were led back to the small side room.
Gage told us to spread the bedrolls wherever we wanted, and then when that we done, Liz’s stomach grumbled at the same time as mine. Gage looked startled, then he laughed again before sobering. “I’ll be right back. Don’t leave this room, and if anyone comes in, call for me. Understood?”
We both nodded, and when he left, we sat on the bedrolls. They were side by side so that we could sleep right next to each other. Liz stretched out on hers, looking at me. “I would rather be in school.” She moaned. I laughed and nodded, lying on my side so I was facing her. She was the only one who could make me laugh in a situation like this.
“Yeah, well, at least we’re alive.” My voice was slightly sarcastic, and Liz chuckled. She looked so beautiful, even though she was bruised and tired. I lay my head down on her lap and closed my eyes as her hands twined themselves in my hair.
I was completely comfortable when Liz broke the silence. “Hey Ash… do you think they would let you go if I promised to stay?” I shot upright, staring at her. There was no way I was letting her stay here. I shuddered at the thought before forcing it out of her head.
“No! I’m not leaving without you, so don’t even think about it.” I could tell my overreaction startled her, but I kept staring at her, waiting for her to say she wouldn’t. I wouldn’t be able to live with myself if that happened.
“But Ash—” She tried to plead. I shook my head, voicing my thoughts from before in a casual manner.
“No. Now, the other way around I could see working…” I trailed off, and my hand absently went to my hair as I thought. Liz cut off that thought quickly.
“Don’t you dare, Ash!” Now she was upright too, staring at me. I looked pleadingly at her, but she just shook her head. I grimaced in resignation. I hated to hurt her, and I knew it would hurt her, but it would be for her own good. For now, I would just pretend to give in.
“Fine! But it was a perfectly logical idea…” I sighed and rubbed the cloth on my wrists where my skin had been scraped off.
Liz lay down her head on my lap and sighed as I stroked her hair. “Ash, I’m scared. I don’t want either of us to get hurt.” Her voice was soft and uncertain, and I winced guiltily, knowing the pain I would cause her when I made a deal with JB.
I opened my mouth to reassure her, but the door opened, and we were both on our feet in an instant, ready to call for help. Liz relaxed when she saw Gage come in balancing three bowls. I knew she trusted him, and I trusted her, so I relaxed as well, accepting the bowl Liz passed me.
“I’m glad you managed okay.” I nodded, touching the back of Liz’s hand to tell her that she didn’t have to be afraid because I would be there. She smiled at me before she turned to face Gage.
“Gage, what…” Liz started to ask a question, but she couldn’t find the words. Gage knew what she was trying to say.
“I’ll be spending most of my time with you two. I’m supposed to teach you our ways, and explain our history.” He looked between us. “You have to stay here in this room for a couple of days, until you’ve been properly briefed on everything. Then you can join the others.”
He had dodged the main question behind Liz’s other one, so I asked it for her, my breath seeming to catch in my throat as I waited for an answer. “Will we… are we going to see our parents again? Are they going to… kill us?” I didn’t really manage to hide the fear in my voice, and now it was Liz who grabbed my hand in silent reassurance.
Gage looked sadly at us. “I don’t know.” He said at length, rubbing his hand across his face. “I just don’t know.” My heart sank at the depressed look on his face. Liz dejectedly took a bit of her porridge, and I followed suit, trying not to think.
I finished eating quickly and sat there, trying not to cry. I was too old to cry, but knowing that I might never see Mom or Dad again or walk through the park again seemed to pierce my heart.
I looked up at the sound of Liz’s spoon scraping the bottom of the bowl to see her crying. Always the strong one, she wiped away her tear with a quiet “Damn!” hoping no one noticed.
She looked up at me, and she saw something that concerned her. Reaching towards me, she placed a hand on my shoulder. “Ash.” There was a whole hidden paragraph in that word, but we were the only ones who could read between the lines. I knew she was telling me it was going to be okay, that we would work through it together.
Smiling shakily at her, I took a deep, steadying breath and picked up my spoon, eating the last rice in my bowl before giving the bowl to Gage. He had been looking quietly at us, saying nothing as he watched. Now he stood and silently left the room, taking the bowls with him. Liz closed her eyes and fell asleep on her bedroll. I watched her for a moment, then slowly I drifted off to sleep myself.
I dreamt of Liz. We were playing together in Willow Park, and I once again threw water on her. She laughed and splashed me with water too, but then suddenly, we were both standing in cold bathing suits, shivering in the wind of the now dark park. Liz turned away and began to walk, but I couldn’t follow her.
I frowned, reaching out my hand to her. “Liz! Wait!” She didn’t stop. I was about to wake up from what I knew was a dream when I heard Liz’s voice. She was next to me again, smiling sweetly.
“Ash, don’t worry. It’s only a dream.” I smiled back at her and grabbed her hand, swinging it between us.
“I know.” She was smiling happily at me when JB came. He didn’t speak to me, but he took Liz away. She didn’t protest, and once again I couldn’t move. I watched in frozen terror as she was dragged to the deck and thrown overboard.
I shot upright in my bedroll, tears streaming down my face. I didn’t make a sound as I looked down at Liz, who was sleeping peacefully next to me. There was a small crease in her forehead, but she still looked beautiful. I wasn’t going to let her stay here.
Getting up, I silently went to the door and opened it slightly, shivering at the blast of cooler air from the hallway. Gage was talking with two men down the hall, and I called softly to him. He glanced up, startled for a moment, and then came over to me. “What is it?” He whispered, worried. I could tell he was taking in the tear tracks on my face and assuming the worst, whatever that was.
“Can I speak to JB? Please? I want to make a deal with him. I stay for as long as he wants me, Liz goes free.” My voice shook the tiniest bit, but Gage nodded and left after a sad look. I was left standing in the doorway, trying hard not to look at Liz. I knew what I was doing was right, but the thought of her leaving was already gnawing at me.
JB came into the room, not bothering to be quiet. “Ash. You’ve decided to stay with us?” I nodded, not trusting myself to speak just yet. Gulping almost inaudibly, I reminded myself why I was going this.
“I’ll stay. But I want Liz to be set free. Don’t bother her or her family again, and I’ll stay.” My voice was strong, but I could tell that JB noticed the tear tracks when he smirked at me.
“Interesting…” If it was possible for my heart to swell with hope and sink dejectedly at the same time, that’s when it did. I almost had a heart attack when I suddenly felt fingers lace themselves through mine.
Turning, I saw Liz, looking beautiful and furious. “No.” She growled, glaring at me and then at JB. I opened my mouth to argue, but I knew I was in for it, so I closed it quickly.
JB threw his head back and laughed. Then he shook his head and left without a word. “So.” Liz said. Her voice was very quiet, a sure sign of danger. I only looked impassively at her, trying not to cringe guiltily.
“I’m not sorry.” My voice was just as quiet as hers. I wasn’t sorry at all. Liz drew a deep breath before speaking again.
“You will never try to do that again. Ever. Or. I. Will. Kill. You.” There was no inflection in her voice as she stared hard at me. I nodded reluctantly, knowing that she would watch me like a hawk from now on anyway.
“Fine. Same goes to you.” I looked at Liz until she reluctantly nodded. “Good.”
“Don’t try it again. We get out together, or not at all.” The desperation and fear, not for herself but for me, showed this time in her voice. I reached out to her, wishing I could do something to make her feel better and smoothed the hair away from her face.
She leaned into my hand and closed her eyes for a moment before we both made our way back to the bedrolls. We sat together, leaning against the cold wall. Eventually, I fell asleep. This time, there were no dreams.

Comments are greatly appreciated!
'I didn't know that I could ever forgive him for everything he'd done to me. Now that I looked back on it, that he'd put a child through such torment seemed even worse. But right now, it wasn't him I was forgiving or thanking. It wasn't even about him.
I was forgiving myself.' -Speak Into Silence




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This is great! I really don't have any edits, except the characters seem a little too courageous for ten year olds. Otherwise, there is nothing I can think of to comment on.

I really want to find out what happens. Please, write more!

Keep writing, you're a great author.

-Voxina




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I love your writing style. For some reason, I find kidnappings interesting. And this is very interesting. Please write more soon! :D
Looking for someone who won't disappoint you?
Look to Jesus.:)




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Firstly, your stories are good, and have got more better than the first one. You have added more descriptions and had let the reader understand what you are saying in your story. But, you still have a lot to improve before you can get to higher more greater level. So, practice and learn from your mistakes.

Alright,

I growled at the same time Liz did.

How can a girl, or even a person growl, when they have a cloth stuffed in their mouth?

I think the parents will soon go looking for their children.

This sentence didn't seem right. Wouldn't it be better say, "I think their parents will soon come looking for these two" Because, by saying "will soon go" you give the meaning that the children are elsewhere. It seems more appropriate to say 'come' as the two girls are there on ship.

Why do you say,

“Take them down! Don’t kill them!”


and then say,

Finally, we heard something being dragged up the stairs. Heavy things. About four of them.

You clearly say point out that JB wanted the four adults to be put downstairs, but then you mention the two girl's hearing the adults being carried upstairs. :?:

My face was a whole mass of pain, and my back and limbs were sore from the fall. I couldn’t even feel my arms, because they were so tightly tied to the chair.

In the last paragraph, you mention that Ash's head cracked when it smashed on to the chair. But now, you are saying that her face is hurting. For one thing, a 10 year old's skull getting cracked not something that you could pass off, even in a story. It's better to mention that she could not think clearly as her head was hurting so bad.

“Don’t bother. He’s staying here for now.”

Who's the 'he' here? Were you meaning "she"

“Nothing. My face hurts from where I hit the floor though.”

Actually, you mentioned that her head hit the chair. :D

And I would die to protect her. That was a sudden thought, and I realized I could use that.

Can you actually think that a 10 year old little girl would actually think about self-sacrifice to save her friend? I don't think so. That's more of 14, 15 year old thingy. I know that you want to show us how much of strong relationship these two girls have each other, but I don't think it should get this far.

Finally, he pulled out a black t-shirt and handed it to me. It went down almost to my knees, but I put it on, and then I took off my swimming trunks. What I was wearing could have passed for a robe, but Gage handed me a pair of black sweatpants.

This seems sort of unthinkable. I mean, girls don't normally where anything under their swimming trunk, (which are worn by boys, mostly) and you mentioned that she took off her swimming trunks infront of a total stranger, and that she wore sweatpants without wearing anything under? :?: :?: :?: :?:

Are they going to… kill us?” I didn’t really manage to hide the fear in my voice, and now it was Liz who grabbed my hand in silent reassurance.

This seems to be a rather stupid question to as Gage already said that the two girls will have to stay in the room until they have been briefed and then they can join the others.

Overall

Well, there are several points I need to make,

One, is that you have understood the human nature, and I must really congratulate you on that. You knew that when little children, or even adults, when locked in with another person, they seek the comfort of the other, hoping that it will somehow, soothe their lost relationships. You portrayed it nicely. :D

Second, is the point I to make as this is a mistake made by even professional writers. Most of them forget that they are controling human beings. They, seem to think that they are robots who doesn't need anything as real humans do. These are like, feeling hungry, feeling cold/warmth, emotions, needing to pee, sleep, love, affection, fear, anger, frustration, etc. All of these should be in a story for it to become a good one. So, keep these in mind. Your characters are two 10 year old girls. They are mostly likely to get the feelings of loneliness, desperation, hunger, needing to pee (I don't know why writers think that portraying this is embarrassing, I mean, come on, its bodily need, and it would make the story natural if you put these)

So, keep these things in mind when you write next. Good luck :D
Warden: "If you want to lead, all you have to do is ask."
Alistair: "What? Lead? Me? No, no, no. No leading. Bad things happen when I lead. We get lost, people die, and the next thing you know I'm stranded somewhere without any pants."
- Dragon Age

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these are really great! there are a few spelling and grammar errors, but not many.

oh, and also. this main character...well, Ash is a unisex name. seriously, i feel that i dont have much to go by to tell if Ash is a boy or a girl. im assuming boy, due to one sentence in this. where you said "he's staying down here for for now." (or something like that) and that could easily just be a typo. so...?

and, so many professional authors make this error as well. these are human beings, so obviously they will need to pee at some point. especially since its 2 little, freaked out kids, ya know?

other than that, this is awesome! please write more, i want to see what happens next!




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I already said most of the things you said 'LOLephant' When reviewing, post your own ideas. Don't copy what other reviewers have said about the same story. You can get ideas from them, but don't copy the exact same thing.

And you should have noticed that this is the second chapter of this story. And 'Ash' is obviously a short form for 'Ashley'

Oh yeah, welcome to YWS. :D
Warden: "If you want to lead, all you have to do is ask."
Alistair: "What? Lead? Me? No, no, no. No leading. Bad things happen when I lead. We get lost, people die, and the next thing you know I'm stranded somewhere without any pants."
- Dragon Age

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