prologue

gamechanger10 · 2008-06-27T22:18:11Z

okay, so I started this story in february and finished a few days after the end of school. the book doesn't have a title...yet...and it was all handwritten. so a lot of chapters etc. may seem short, but they're longer handwritten... this is the prologue. ------------------------------ Dark, ominous clouds covered the moon; casting a shadow over the valley as rain began to fall. Swarms of dirt billowed out from beneath the stocky horse's feet as it thundered down the unpaved road. The rider bounced about wildly as he held tightly onto the reins with one hand. The other was pressing down on the other man's back--that was draped over the horse's back, unconscious--in an attempt to keep him from falling off. As the horse stormed onward, a pursuer exploded out of the forest on the side of the road. It was a muscular youth. Her jet black hair blew behind her in wisps as the wind pounded her dark skin. The girl--no older than fourteen--was mounted atop a tall, white stallion. The two horses nearly collided as she swerved onto the road. Driven only by blind fury, the girl pulled back behind the opposing horse and hurled a thick-bladed knife at the its leg; missing by about an inch. The man on the other horse glanced back at nervously as the bold chaser pulled up next to him. He turned back to the road as he urged his animal to speed up. He shot a look at the young girl. She was staring back at him. Her eyes were squinted because of the pouring rain, though they were still noticeably glistening with anger, hate, and tears. The man tightened his grip on his hostage, and gave her a frighteningly wry smile. He extended his leg, and kicked the white horse next to him in the side. As the now off balance horse toppled off the road, its young rider jumped from its back and landed uncomfortably on her right foot. She stood there on the side of the road for a few crushing moments, before she took off. Her feet rapidly slapped the wet earth as she chased after the black horse that was steadily drawing nearer. Luckily, the man had allowed his horse to calm itself into a slow trot--thinking that he was free of any problems. He victoriously looked back at the path behind him. Startled that the girl was only feet from him, the man snapped his head back around and forced his weary horse to accelerate. The girl sped up with it. Her lungs were burning and her legs were aching, but she had to go on. Suddenly, the horse in front of her stumbled, and she had to awkwardly stop short so that she wouldn't run into it. Using the brief moment to her advantage, she jumped up and grabbed onto the man's hood. She pulled it down, revealing the man's thick, brown hair. He impulsively spun around and struck the girl in the head, hard. She instantly released his hood as she flew to the ground. The man glared back at her through the rain. His blood red eyes fiery and hating. At that point, the horse had come to a complete stop, but the man began to ride away as the girl turned her head to the ground. She lunged out, and took hold of the horse's ankle. But the horse quickly wriggled out of her grip, and kicked her in the forehead as it galloped away. As the girl knelt there on the wet, dirt road and wept, she knew that she may never see her father--the king of Isaldier--again

taleoflostink

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Sat Jul 12, 2008 2:09 pm

taleoflostink says... · Sat Jul 12, 2008 2:09 pm

I actually very much enjoyed it!

Add some twists in there and the sentences are a little dense so you can shorten them and make some of them not as complex, but i loved it!

but no, her soul was relentless
it would not give into this strange
Hael, Alantra took one gasping
breath..........

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horsez919

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Points 890

Reviews 29

Tue Jul 15, 2008 10:02 pm

horsez919 says... · Tue Jul 15, 2008 10:02 pm

hey Jocelyn!!

wow..i remember reading the prologue in your notebook. it does seem A LOT shorter. it took me like 3 days to read it because of other people reading...or it was just a bad time in class.

ANYWAYS...I'm not quite sure what Sela Locke is actually saying. There's some imagery in there [Dark, ominous clouds covered the moon; casting a shadow over the valley as rain began to fall] dialogue and what not.
In my personal opinion...excluding everyone else...I think it's a pretty good book...er..prologue right here. It'd be awesome if you published it.

that may be way out there, but oh well.

KEEP WRITING!!
[even though you finished this book..right?? yeah...haha]

________________
Life is like a diaper; good to have but sometimes stinks. AZ&MB

_horsez919

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TheWordsmith

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Reviews 10

Sat Aug 02, 2008 7:47 pm

TheWordsmith says... · Sat Aug 02, 2008 7:47 pm

It was a good prologue, but it would be better with a lot more emotion. The descriptions were good, but you seemed to use the semicolon or a dash in some places where a comma would be more appropriate, and the story was a little flat because you were telling us what the characters were feeling. Otherwise, this was a good beginning- keep writing!

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Ace-Champ

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Points 790

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Fri Aug 08, 2008 10:42 pm

Ace-Champ says... · Fri Aug 08, 2008 10:42 pm

that sounded pretty good when r u posting the next part

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