aero thanks for atleast reading the first two, it is my very first time writing, cant be perfect, i am on here to learn, sorry you couldnt finish it. oh well, just writing right now for the joy of writing.
kim
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Snoink wrote:Actually, I have to disagree with aeroman, for the first paragraph anyway. I think that, too often writers don't put any scenery in at all, just because they want action all the time, but I like scenery. He loves it... so why can't the author describe it? A character is deep, not because of how many horrible things have happened to him, but rather because, no matter what has happened to him, he can still love. So it ends up being beneficial for him loving something.
So I would keep the first paragraph. It's probably not aeroman's cup of tea, but it isn't bad.
Just my two cents.
xyberangel wrote:Actually I like description of sceenary, I mean its the detail that really capture the reader into relating with the character. The line
The night air was crisp as was the ground under Seth’s footsteps. Fall finally made its entrance with the trees letting go of their leaves as if they knew the leaves were no longer needed for beauty.
That is good, its just the bit tat follows that isnt. If his mind is in so much turmoil, shouldnt he be trying to think of other things in the beggining? Maybe you should use the sceenary to capture the emotions going inside of him, and use the sceenary to protray those ideas would help to bring the reader into the story. I think that might solve aero's comment. As for the second paragraph, yeah a little bit more explanation would be good, but authors do usually use a lot of those questions to show that idea of confusion, even though its a confusing paragraph, you're supposed to understand how Seth is feeling: confused right?
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