z

Young Writers Society


Midnight Darkness #2 part one



User avatar
713 Reviews



Gender: Male
Points: 7740
Reviews: 713
Sat Nov 03, 2007 3:05 am
BigBadBear says...



Chapter Two: A Prophesy Revealed

Payton Doug eyed the clock as soon as seventh period commenced. How come it takes so long for time to pass when you need to do something?

He quickly assigned the work for his seventh grade class: Read and work quietly from page 490-512 in the textbooks. As soon as he had given the assignment, Payton flew to his desk and reread Landon’s essay. And still, the same questions came up.

How could Landon know? Unless he was a werewolf, no one knew about Fort Wolfgang. Was his father a werewolf?

Without a second thought, Payton eyed the room and click on the Internet on his computer. The screen popped up, and he typed in the URL. Once at the Fort Wolfgang secret website, he clicked on the link that led him to the list of werewolves.

What was that blasted boy’s name? Maxfield? Payton double-checked and was right. He scrolled down to Maxfield and found two of them. He sighed. He wished that there were some kind of an address on there! What he needed some kind of a phone book; but he couldn’t get that until he got home.

He glanced up at the clock. Still another half an hour. Could he risk leaving the kids that long? Payton would surely be fired. Mr. Doug loved his job more than anything. English was his life, and his passion. Even if the students misbehaved, he loved every second of teaching.

He never considered it odd that a werewolf could teach English. “Oh! That reminds me! The council is coming up…” Payton said quietly. He couldn’t miss the council. Wolfgang himself would be there.

At last, the bell rang, and Payton flung himself out of his seat. “Good afternoon, class. Enjoy your weekend!” Right after he said that, he realized that it was Thursday, not Friday! There was still another day of school. Oh, how he wished there was no school anymore.

He scrambled out of the building and put his hands in his coat pocket for his keys. He unlocked the driver’s door and flung himself in. He turned the ignition on and backed out, and headed out of the school area.

The drive was silent. Payton didn’t like the radio. He thought it was a stupid invention, so he left it off. He slowed down at a red light. “Oh, come on! I need to move!” he yelled at the light. It was unresponsive as anytime he decided to yell at it.

He tapped his left foot impatiently, and when the light finally turned green, he zoomed off, and turned on the highway, back home.

He unlocked his house door and hurriedly stepped inside. He said, “Sarah! I’m h –”

Just then he realized that Sarah wasn’t home. She hadn’t for three years. He cursed himself and shook his head. Sarah would have to wait for now. Right now, he had more pressing matters.

Payton opened his cabinets and searched for the yellow pages. At last, he found the big book and took it out. He laid it on his dinner table.

Mr. Doug opened up to the Ms and looked for Maxfield. What were the names on the website? Kevin Maxfield and Andy Maxfield. Yeah, that was it.

He ran his finger downs the Maxfields and grew disappointed when he only saw one Maxfield, and that was David and Carol Maxfield.

So, Landon's father wasn’t a werewolf. Well, that only made matters even more pressing. How could he have known about the werewolves? A boy just can’t think up a real history of werewolves! He would have to have had a source!

And then he realized what an important discovery he had just made. What if Landon was to be some help to the werewolves? What if he could help them destroy the Vampires, once and for all? Could that be possible?

Then came the negative side of things. What if he was meant for the Vampires? What if he will join them and kill us?

After shuddering after thinking that thought, Payton decided to buy a ticket to Cardston, Alberta. When he got there, he would be able to talk to Wolfgang, and decide the proper way to approach this dilemma. Suddenly, Payton felt an immense grief. What if Landon is too dangerous to be kept alive?

Payton couldn’t go that night because it would be nearly impossible. The minute the sun disappeared from the sky, Payton slipped out of his clothes and hair started to sprout all over his body. He knew that he needed to feed, and soon, because he had neglected to feed yesterday.

Once he had transformed, he quickly scurried out of his house and walked along the street. To most people, Payton looked like an over grown dog, but he couldn’t care less. At least it kept people from knowing.

He tried to slink into the shadows as best as he could. He heard his stomach growling, and suddenly he picked up a scent. Was it really? Could he of had that much luck?

Payton did the best he possibly could to not touch the humans while it was night. It was way too dangerous. Wolfgang, Payton knew, would just absolutely love to kill a human, fresh off of the street, but Payton tried to be a little more conservation minded. Humans needed to live, and luckily for him, Payton could control his wild thoughts of chewing their flesh and having their blood drip freely down his chin.

His stomach growled. Oh, what an appetizing thought that was!

The next morning, Payton tied his shoes and tightened his tie. He pulled on his suit to look presentable to Wolfgang, later that night. He admitted that he was handsome; most likely one of the best-looking werewolves in the world. At a stunning youthfulness of two hundred and five, Payton had the looks of a twenty-five year old.

Payton grabbed his electric shaver and quickly ran over his mustache and beard, so that he was clean-shaven. There. Now he was more presentable.

He sighed and grabbed his plane ticket to Cardston. He would have to hurry, or he might just transform on the plane!

The plane ride was really boring. There was nothing to do at all. He had flown in a small jet that only held a maximum of ten passengers. He felt very claustrophobic and wanted to get out as soon as he could. The landing was no better than the take off; both of them were as rough as the street that they landed on.

Once off the plane, Payton sniffed the familiar woodsy smell and looked over to Chief Mountain, just a little hill from the airport, but really it was a giant mountain that hid the location of Fort Wolfgang.

He hailed a taxi and got a ride to the foot of the Chief Mountain. Once there, he had to walk all of the way up a hill, until he could transform and run the rest of the way.

He waved good-bye to the taxi driver, and dashed up the hill. Surprisingly, he didn’t even break a sweat because running around at night really helped him keep fit. Once up the hill, he looked back to make sure that the taxi was completely out of view, and then slowly transformed.
Just write -- the rest of life will follow.

Would love help on this.
  





User avatar
27 Reviews



Gender: Male
Points: 1042
Reviews: 27
Sat Nov 03, 2007 8:03 pm
Manny says...



This chapter was okay, but I didn't like it as much as the others. It might have been because you switched view point. Also, it seemed like you described everything that happened. Sometimes this is good, but if you do it too much it'll start to sound like you're telling us instead of showing. Can't wait for the next one.
  





User avatar
55 Reviews



Gender: Female
Points: 890
Reviews: 55
Sat Nov 03, 2007 9:14 pm
starrynight89 says...



Big bad, nice one..didnt really look into spelling but:

Prophesy-->Prophecy!

Other than that: nice plot and I agree with mantis, show us, dont tell us.

Keep going!
“Anyone can give up, it's the easiest thing in the world to do. But to hold it together when everyone else would understand if you fell apart, that's true strength.”
  





User avatar
317 Reviews



Gender: Female
Points: 890
Reviews: 317
Sun Nov 04, 2007 10:43 pm
Kim says...



i think you need to explain sarah, who is she? why isnt she there?, the sentence breaks up, like a thought that didn't get finished.

also when he "slows down at the red light", change it to something like, he comes to a stop.
that is all i could find that didnt flow. this is great. i really like the story line.

kim
  





User avatar
713 Reviews



Gender: Male
Points: 7740
Reviews: 713
Sun Nov 04, 2007 11:05 pm
BigBadBear says...



Yeah. I tell about Sarah in chapter....4 is it? Yeah. Chapter four. That is all. Thanks though!
Just write -- the rest of life will follow.

Would love help on this.
  








"Rumors?" "Yes. Terrible things. Grow on men like warts." "Tumors?" "Both. Look, there is talk about you."
— Brandon Sanderson, The Way of Kings