z

Young Writers Society


Jerrsea'ya: Wind of Death part I



User avatar
389 Reviews



Gender: Female
Points: 4209
Reviews: 389
Fri Oct 12, 2007 3:30 am
SeraphTree says...



A small boy sat in the snow next to the softening stream, dozing slightly. The silence made it impossible to ignore the aurora’s reflection on the frozen stream. Break up on it’s way, the ice was just perfect.

The boy turned these thoughts away irritably; what was taking Eisen so long? He knew they were supposed to break the ice tonight. He had no reason to be late. Just then the fool came, completely out of breath.

“Iistengel, I’m sorry I dozed off…”

“Very well done Briind. Just let me sit here and freeze to death. I see how it is.”

“I’m really sorry…”

“Forget it.”

Iistengel quickly stripped down, laying out his thick caribou robe. He wanted to stay annoyed at Briind, but it was impossible. It had always been that way.

There was a pause as Iistengel waited patiently for Briind to finish stripping. Iistengel offered a feral grin, and then bowed to his friend.

“After you, Eisen. You are the best looking, after all.”

Briind saluted his little friend, and leapt into the water, the thin sheet of ice cascading away from his body. Iistengel watched excitedly as his friend turned and motioned for him to jump in. The boy grinned breathlessly and sprang into the air, landing in the chilly water. Iistengel shot into the air, flinging back his head.

“Feels good, huh?”

Iistengel smiled sweetly and nodded. Eisen had a point; the water felt very good after months of not being able to wash. The boy leaned himself down in the water and began to scrub his greasy scalp. Briind smiled craftily and mimicked his movements.

“Yes, the red really shows through.”

Iistengel shook his head and smacked some water at him. Only Eisen would say such. Briind ducked away, laughing. Iistengel smiled, his eyes tracing the familiar edge of the valley, taking in the beauty of the night.

Everything he had ever known was in this valley. From the highest peaks to the delta of the braided river. Perhaps, he thought eagerly, when I am older, Briind and I can see what lies beyond the spruce forest.

The hope died almost as it appeared. It was a foolish, childish thought anyway. Briind would be much more interested in finding a piece of land to raise the fleet-footed Milin‘yay of his people.

Wrhaden? Are you alright?”

“Yeah. I’m going to get out now, Eisen.”

The boy waded to the snowy shore, trying to ignore the burning behind his eyes. It wouldn’t be very surprising, really, if Briind found adventuring with Iistengel troublesome. Why would a young man of his station want to go anywhere with the Wrhaden?

Iistengel hopped onto his thick blanket, quickly pulling on his boots. No, he thought, wrapping himself in the huge fur, Briind loves Snoweska too much to leave right away. He has to marry her before he goes anywhere. The boy smiled at that. Those two were definitely a match made in the fires of Jerrsea’ya. Iistengel waited for Briind to come out, then walked through the slick snow walls to his snowed in hut.
*

As soon as they arrived, Briind plopped down by the fire, pulling off his boots. Iistengel copied him, slightly surprised that his body was so chilly. I’ll have to check my robe for holes, he thought disappointedly. He turned his attention to the youth beside him, fire and excitement coursing through his veins. Eisen yawned and plopped onto his back.

“Now, we sleep.”

He yawned again, quietly appraising the flame red locks. Iistengel didn’t see this, his eyes making their way around the room. The traps that Eisen had helped him make were hanging on the wall. I’ll have to set those sometime, he mused. He plopped on his back, turning to the young man next to him.

Eisen?”

The young man nodded, his hand reaching towards Iistengel’s hair. He is the only one who has ever accepted me, Iistengel thought. He swallowed against the fear growing rapidly inside of him. Briind was growing so fast. In just a couple of years he would be gone. Probably to a different village, Iistengel mused, or create his own village. Where ever, just not here.

Iistengel turned to look at the fire, telling himself the flames were the cause of the burning in his eyes. Eisen had always hated the village. When they were younger, he would come up with every plan possible to leave, and never return. Iistengel ignored the pang in his stomach, turning to his friend.

Eisen? When you grow up, where do you want to go?”

Briind heaved a sigh, his handsome black eyes opening blearily. He knew what Iistengel had been thinking. He always knew. The youth managed a half smile before he replying.

“I’m not going to leave you, Wrhaden.”

With that he closed his eyes, rubbing Iistengel’s hair even more gently. Iistengel felt himself quiet a little. Briind was right. He had to stay anyway if he wanted to marry the princess Snoweska. At least for a little while. Iistengel heaved a sigh. Yes, Eisen would stay until he could marry Snoweska. That will be enough time for me, the lad thought, I wont stop him. The boy yawned sleepily, turning to gaze at his friend.

“Briind?”

“Hmm?”

“When I grow up, I want to be just like you.”

“Hmm…”

Eisen?”

“So, you want to marry my girl?”

Iistengel smacked his shoulder, flushing at the comment. Briind grinned and turned over, falling into a deeper sleep. Iistengel smiled and snuggled a little closer to his friend. Yes, he thought sleepily. It would be enough time.
***
"How grateful we are that the heavens are indeed open, that the gospel of Jesus Christ has been restored, and that the Church is founded on the rock of revelation. We are a blessed people, with apostles and prophets upon the earth today."~ Thomas S. Monson
  





User avatar
497 Reviews

Supporter


Gender: Female
Points: 6400
Reviews: 497
Sat Oct 13, 2007 4:41 pm
Teague says...



You know, I can't remember what I said the last time I critiqued this, so excuse any repetition!

It was a foolish, childish thought anyway.

Nix "anyway." In this case it weakens the sentence.

I wont stop him.

Aah! Grammar error. Won't*

This is much better! Obviously, I have less comments than before (I think) so you did something right! I can't exactly put my finger on what's different- which is good, you integrated your changes well0 but I like it as it is. I'd definitely like to see where this is going and why it's going there! Let me know when you have more up, okay? I'd love to keep reading; you clearly have talent.

Oh, and the last bit- "So, you want to marry my girl?"- made me chuckle. :D

Let me know if I was redundant at all. :lol:

-St. Razorblade
The Official YWS Pirate :pirate3:
"2-4-6-8! I like to delegate!" -Meshugenah
"Teague: Stomping on your dreams since 1992." -Sachiko
"So I'm looking at FLT and am reminded of a sandwich." -Jabber
  





User avatar
389 Reviews



Gender: Female
Points: 4209
Reviews: 389
Wed Oct 17, 2007 2:16 am
SeraphTree says...



Sorry, I keep forgetting to reply X(
No, you didn't repeat yourself. :D :D :D Last time you told my it was WAY too long ><*
"How grateful we are that the heavens are indeed open, that the gospel of Jesus Christ has been restored, and that the Church is founded on the rock of revelation. We are a blessed people, with apostles and prophets upon the earth today."~ Thomas S. Monson
  





User avatar
74 Reviews



Gender: Female
Points: 890
Reviews: 74
Wed Oct 17, 2007 2:27 am
kshsj777 says...



I like the names, but I'm a bit confused. Is Eisen and Briind nicknames for Wrhaden and Iistengel?
  





User avatar
389 Reviews



Gender: Female
Points: 4209
Reviews: 389
Wed Oct 17, 2007 3:39 am
SeraphTree says...



Oh, I'm sorry :(
I thought I had made it more clear. Eisen is Briind, and Wrhaden is Iistengel.
Sorry. X(X(X(X(X(X(X(X(X(
"How grateful we are that the heavens are indeed open, that the gospel of Jesus Christ has been restored, and that the Church is founded on the rock of revelation. We are a blessed people, with apostles and prophets upon the earth today."~ Thomas S. Monson
  





User avatar
61 Reviews



Gender: Female
Points: 890
Reviews: 61
Wed Oct 17, 2007 12:02 pm
DragonWriter says...



it was a bit confusing. more later bye]
\
Twilight rocks!
New Moon rules!
Eclispe kicks butt!
In coclusion, Steaphine Meyer is a rocking, ruling, and kick butt authour!
That is the TRUTH!
  





User avatar
317 Reviews



Gender: Female
Points: 890
Reviews: 317
Fri Oct 19, 2007 7:06 am
Kim says...



i really like the story, and the friendship between the two boys. the names had me confused tho, switching between real and the nick names. but you are good, keep writing, i look forward to reading more.
kim
  








You can't blame the writer for what the characters say.
— Truman Capote