Young Writers Society

I am a little confused on whether this story belongs in general fiction or science fiction because it doesn't take place in the future...
Other than that, here is the second little tidbit of my Blink Story.
Enjoy

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Ryder was walking with Suzy for a while; they talked for minutes before the subject of him being a blink came to her mind. She wouldn’t admit it but it was all she could think about, and Ryder had no idea.
“So, the travel, does it hurt?” she asked
Ryder continued walking silently,
“You know what, I’ve never thought about it before… Let me check” he said, he stopped. Then he was gone, for almost a minute Suzy stood alone on the sidewalk.
“Ryder?” she asked alone to herself
Then he appeared next to her again,
“You know what? I get this small tingle behind my eyes after a few continuous blinks, but after that, not really. So no; the travel doesn’t hurt.” He explained
They continued walking; questions bubbled up within Suzy
“Where did you go?” she asked curiously
“China… and trust me, that noodle vendor was vary surprised” he said jokingly
“Do you know where you’re gonna end up?” she asked
“Well, I have to have the picture in my head; see the place in my minds eye. If I don’t have a clear picture it tends to end up sorta random…”
They walked in silence for a moment before Ryder stubbed his foot in a crack, everything moved into slow motion as he almost impacted with the ground, and then vanished. Only to reappear standing two feet from were he had been.
“Oh my God! Dude, that was really cool!” she said, astonished
“Yeah,” he said as he dusted himself off
“But seriously, you can’t keep doing that,” she said worriedly “Somewhat might see…”
Ryder stopped for a moment, and then continued walking. He agreed, then said
“You have three more questions”
Hmmmmm, I wonder what she’ll ask… he though quietly to himself.
“How can you do it? The blinking thing?” she asked
“Well, I think what Rork was telling me is that Blinks have a special gland in the back middle of our brain that has evolved from the normal human brain,” he explained, patting on Suzy’s head.
“And this gland in my brain gives off loads of hormones that seep through my skin, invisible to the naked eye of course, and there’s some process in the way that it reacts to the particles that bend space. All I have to do is think about the destination, and the gland makes it happen.” He finished.
Suzy paused to take it all in, it made so much sense…
“Okay, number two, why do you call it that? Blinking I mean.”
“Yes! Great question!” he said, “You see; blinking is like sneezing. It’s impossible to keep your eyes open during the process. Rork says if I tried and succeeded; not only would I go blind, but I would go insane too. So I prefer to stick with reason, and keep my eyes closed.”
“Okay, one more,” she said,
What should I ask? she though to herself
“So, if I were to hit you hard enough. Would you blink? And what if you sneezed?” she finally asked
Ryder stopped, trying to recall anytime this had happened. He couldn’t find one…
“I’m sure it’s plausible, but it’s never happened to me” he said, “but I’m sure it would be fun to watch…”

“So that’s my three questions, you want to race to the Sonic? Loser buys…” Suzy said after walking for a minute in silence.
“Sure, you’re on,” Ryder said as he got down into the runner starting position,
“READY SET GO!!!” he exclaimed
Suzy bolted down street, Ryder just stood there. Then vanished.
Meet you there Suz…

I'm not sure about others, but I would classify this under Science Fiction (based on all that I've read).

Ok, first off, I'm wondering where these two characters are! You don't really describe anything about their surroundings, and I think this is something that you should definitely add.

“You know what, I’ve never thought about it before… Let me check” he said, he stopped. Then he was gone, for almost a minute Suzy stood alone on the sidewalk.

I don't know about Ryder, but I'm pretty sure if I had that power I'd realize if it hurts or not :] It just seems funny that he would have to check, when you'd think he'd done it a thousand times and know what it feels like. Unless he was looking for an excuse to show off his blinking power to Suzi.

“China… and trust me, that noodle vendor was vary surprised”

Obviously just a typo, but this should be very ;]

“Okay, number two, why do you call it that? Blinking I mean.”
“Yes! Great question!” he said, “You see; blinking is like sneezing. It’s impossible to keep your eyes open during the process. Rork says if I tried and succeeded; not only would I go blind, but I would go insane too. So I prefer to stick with reason, and keep my eyes closed.”

Maybe its just me being sleepy, but he doesn't really seem to answer the actual question here. He's going off about something entirely different!

What should I ask? she though to herself

I don't really think this sentence is necessary.

Anyways, just a couple more points.
-You're missing periods at the end of some of these sentences (might want to fix that)
-I would like more visual descriptions of the looks on both of there faces as they are talking. I guess you could say I want a little more "life" to your conversation.

I think that this story is a very imaginative idea and you should stick with it :] Good job!

Well, thankyou so mush for the tips. But the vary was supposed to be misspelled, is if he was using an accent.
And i also didn't like this very mych when i posted version. I have a better version of the same story, with more detail, and a better ending (SPOILER ALERT!!) and a kiss. I will post that as soon as possible

Sincerely,
Lesley

Hi there!

I definitely think this is in the right category. It's about teleporting after all, yes? That's a certain aspect of science fiction.

So, this is a good story. I haven't read the other parts, but I'm sure if I did, I would know all the background information, so I won't comment on that. I do want to know the setting of this. Where are they? Sure at the end you told us they were racing somewhere, but where were they to begin with? Describe their surroundings. Oh, and speaking of the ending, I loved it! It was funny and it made me smile.

I want to comment on the first sentence/paragraph while I'm at it. It doesn't pull me into the story. After reading it, I know exactly what's going on, but that's it. There's nothing in it that makes me sit here and think Wow, I really want to read this now! You know what I mean? I always try to make my starting line the best line in the whole story. That way I know that I can pull the reader in and make them read more.

One last little comment, I disagree with Island above me about the question of whether or not blinking hurts. If this guy does this on a regular basis, he's not thinking about how it feels, he's just thinking about where he's going. So when she asks him about it, he really has to focus his mind on that instead of where he's going.

Overall this is an interesting story. Did you post the other parts? I really want to read them. Keep writing!

Thanks so much for the tips. I find that i have the same problems in my writing allways.
I liked that you understood the point of whether or not blinking hurts. When i wrote it; i did mean for him to be showing off, and that he never had time to think about how it felt before then.

Sincerely,
Lesley