Young Writers Society

I was in deep sleep….
Suddenly a strange sound woke me up. It’s nothing but my alarm. Time is 6:00 AM exactly. I turned off the alarm.
I have last round of an interview today. I need to be on time. I took my mobile. OMG, there were 20 Missed calls.
All of them are from Pooja. I called her back but no response.
“I prepared well for the interview. Surely I will come for you. Love you”, I texted her.
My phone started ringing. It’s my friend karthik.
“Yeah karthik tell me”, I picked up my phone and answered.
“Dude I’ll be waiting for you outside the company sharp at 8:30. Don’t delay”, he said.
“Yeah I will”, I replied and disconnected the call.
Usually I never used to pray god. But that day I felt like that. So after getting ready I prayed and left home.

At 8:45 Am we entered into the company. It’s technical & HR interview. Though I prepared well I felt very nervous for the first time. I can almost hear my heart beat sound. It was beating faster. They called me inside the room for interview.
“All is well. All is well”, I told to myself and entered into the room.
One lady was sitting inside. She was very fair with boy cut hairstyle wearing shirt and jean.
“Hello”, I said and shook her hand.
“Please take your seat”
“Yeah thank you ma’am”, I said and sat down. She gave me a hard look.
“Okay tell me about yourself”
“I am krish. I did my B.Tech in SRM University. My dad is working as a fire officer. My mom is a home maker. I have one sibling and He is married and working in Indian bank. My engineering aggregate is 68%. My hobbies are playing basket ball, watching movies and listening songs. My positive thing is I’ll be very confident with what I am doing and negative thing is am straight forward so it hurts many. That’s it about me ma’am”, I told with a smile in my face.
She gave me a dirty look this time. I am puzzled what’s wrong with me.

“Why did you choose IT field?”
Because I scored less in my intermediate, I wanted to say. But I need this job desperately.
“Right from my schooling I am very much crazier about computers. I found myself enjoying our high school programming subject. So I chose IT field in my engineering. Now I wanted to become an IT professional and for that I am here ma’am”, I told her confidently.
Her face changed completely. She was at the top of anger I can easily make out from her eyes.
She asked me about my final year project. I explained her and answered some technical questions.
Finally I came out of the room and sat on the couch. Now it’s karthik turn. I wished him all the best.

After 15 mins…
Karthik came out.
“Krish how was your interview?”
“Yeah I answered all the questions well dude. Am confident but I don’t know why that lady (interviewer) was giving me bad look”
“Lady? I did not find any lady inside. Only one guy was sitting”
“What??? Guy??? How he looked like?” I asked karthik.
“He was very fair wearing shirt and jean”
“Dude it’s a lady. She has boy cut hair right?”
“Idiot, boy will have boy cut only. His name is John”
“WTF even his voice was very soft like a girl so I thought ‘he’ is a ‘she’ and called him ma’am”, I told in a worried tone.
“Good job you did man”, he winked and started laughing.
Now only I am coming to know why he was giving me a dirty look whenever I call him ma’am. My tension increased and started biting my nails.
I came to know my interview result now itself. I can’t lose Pooja. Today it’s her marriage.
It’s my last chance to get her. I slumped on couch and closed my eyes.

1 month back…
“Anna I want to speak to you”, I went to my brother and told.
“Yeah tell krish wassup”
“I love a girl. Her name is Pooja. She also loves me. I have some problem and you have to help me in this.”
“Oh you know this kind of things too? “He exclaimed and continued,” ok what is the problem? Is she different caste?”
“Yes”
“In olden days only people saw caste and all krish. Now it’s not a big issue. Don’t worry about that”
“I didn’t say that is my problem”
“Then, what? Different religion?”
“Yes”
“She is an Indian only right? Then Cool man that’s a very small problem I will take care of it don’t worry”
“I didn’t say that is my problem”
“Lovers face only these two problems. Then what is your problem exactly tell me.”
“She is 2 years elder than me”, I told turning my face.
“What? Are you mad? How can you marry an elder girl?” he raised his voice in shock.
“Do I love a guy or what? A girl only right? Try to be happy for that.” I told.
“You learned to speak man. Ok now what I need to do?”
“You should convince our mom and dad to come and speak to Pooja’s parents about our love. She got engaged with another guy so there is no time for us to wait”, I told my bro.
“She got engaged too? Fuck man. Why did she accept for that if she really loves you?”
“She doesn’t like to go against her parents words. I am damn sure that she loves only me. Only because she doesn’t want to hurt her parents, she prepared herself to leave me. But I can’t give up so easily please do help me”
“Ok I’ll”
I hugged my bro saying, “Thank you. If you do this I’ll keep your name to my baby” and winked.
“This is too much” he said hitting me.

He somehow convinced my parents and we went to Pooja’s house. A big argument came into the picture. I started losing my confidence.
“Ok let’s forget about age. He doesn’t have job also right now. Then how can I give my daughter to him? I have seen a very good guy for her now. He is working in abroad. I am damn sure my daughter will be happy only if she marries him and not you”, Pooja’s dad shouted.
A big silence prevailed for few seconds.
“Ok I’ll give you one chance. Only 3 weeks left for my daughter’s marriage. If you come up with a good job one minute before her marriage I’ll stop the marriage and give my daughter to you. If you can’t make it don’t ever come back into her life”, Pooja’s dad told pointing me.
“I’ll come again with a job”, I said and came out.

I opened my eyes. “I need this job man”, I told to karthik in a shaky voice.
“Don’t worry dude you will get it”, He consoled me.
Interview result came and the worst part is I am not selected. My eyes flooded with tears. I went out of the company. I failed not only in interview but in life too. I got call from Pooja. I picked up the call.
“What happened?” She asked me.
“I failed Pooja. But…”, before I complete the sentence she cut the call.
I wanted to speak to her for the last time. I texted her, called her but no response. I cried and cried till I get exhausted.
Her marriage went on well. I always wanted to hold her hands but now I am seeing her hands held by another person. I almost became a mad. Karthik came to console me but he doesn’t know what to speak after seeing my condition.
“Come let’s drink”, he called me.
After few pegs…
"Why did she leave me dude. Is it because am younger than her? Is it because I don’t have job? Is it because we are from different caste and religion? Is it because am useless?" I shouted at my friend.
"Your entire questions have a single answer dude. Its 'YES'", Karthik said.
"Shit. Even this small fucking computer has an undo option but why don’t we have?" I paused and continued,
‘21-9-2010’ It’s the worst day in my life time.
“But why this happened for me? Because of my small mistake I lost my job and my love. This is so unfair. I need one more chance to get her back. Please god please” I shouted. My friends controlled me and took me to their room.
That night my friends made me to stay in their room itself. They don’t want to leave me alone. I felt so tired in crying. I fell asleep.


A strange sound woke me up. As usual it’s my alarm. It’s 6:00 AM. I slept in my friend house last night and now am waking up in my house. How is it possible? I looked puzzled. I took my mobile to call my friend. There were 20 missed calls from Pooja.
I got call from karthik immediately. I picked up, kept in my ears and said “Hello”.
“Dude I’ll be waiting for you outside the company sharp at 8:30. Don’t delay”, he said.
“What for?”
“Are you kidding? Today we have interview man. Get ready soon and come fast”
“Yeah I’ll”, I replied and hung the call.
“WTF is going on here”, I opened calendar in my mobile and saw the current date. It’s September 21st. I am in the same day.
God has given me one more chance. I’ll not miss this time. I got ready and went to company for the interview.They called my name. I went inside the room. The same ass**** was sitting. I wanted to bang him for not giving job the previous time. But I smiled and shook hands. I answered all the questions clearly with ‘Sir’ at the end of each sentence. I am damn sure that I impressed him. Interview got over and the result came. To my surprise I got selected. I jumped and hugged my friend.
I got call from Pooja. I answered it.
“What happened?” She asked me.
“I got the job Pooja. I am coming for you”
“I know you will. Come soon krish. Love you”, she hung the call.
I rushed to Pooja’s dad with my offer letter. His dad got shocked on seeing me. I gave my offer letter to him, went directly to Pooja and held her hands tight. “I’ll never leave you”, I told her. After some arguments everyone accepted me. I called my parents for the marriage. I invited all my friends in message saying, “Me and Pooja are getting married in 2 hours. Please try to come as soon as possible. Sorry for the short notice.”
And am sure no one would have invited in this strange manner. Everything went on fast. We got married and ’21-9-2011’, It’s the happiest day in my life.

22-9-20011, 1:30 Am…
Am lying in bed and Pooja is with me. I pinched myself to check that it’s not a dream. ‘Whatever I got my Pooja back’ I thought and fell asleep.

I woke up by 9:00Am and I got shocked because, I woke up in my friend’s house. I am totally confused now. Everything is a dream or what? Please, that should not happen. I ran shouting ‘karthik’. He was eating biscuit by dipping it in water calmly.
“what’s going on here? How did I come here?” I asked.
“You are here only from yesterday. What happened to you?”
“I got married to Pooja yesterday right? Where is she?”
“You gone mad or what? She is married with some other guy yesterday”
“Aiyooo I don’t know what is truth”, I sat down in fed up.
“You lost her dude. That’s the truth. Forget her”, he told tapping my shoulder.
I am totally confused now. “It should be some dream”, I told myself.
I have become like a charge less mobile. I did not have my food properly. Still I couldn’t believe that it’s a dream. I really had the feeling like I lived with her for one day at least. My eyes are filled with tears. I closed my eyes and fell asleep without my knowledge.

I opened my eyes. WTF am in my house. I saw the time. It’s 9:00AM. I heard Pooja’s voice. Slowly I went outside to see what is going on. Pooja and my mom were speaking. I am damn confused now with my life. I locked the door and started thinking. Then Am I leading two lives? But how is it possible? I raised many question to myself. Ok let’s like this. I am having two lives. But how to confirm it? I want to do something. ‘What to do?’ I thought. I got an idea. I took my iron box and heated it. I closed my eyes and hurt myself with a small line in my hand. Of course it pained a lot. I felt happy to see Pooja again. Atlast night has come. I slept soon.

I opened my eyes and looked around. It’s my friend room. I looked at my hand where I hurt myself. As I suspected no marks were there. Yes am leading two lives and also whenever I sleep I can switch over to my next life. I felt very happy.

From that moment onwards I started living happily. I felt life is beautiful.

But sometimes I feel like the days are so long. I have to come across 10 days for a weekend. After Monday(M) and Tuesday(T) even the calendar says WTF. Think about my situation. In short I have to do double work. So I decided to join same company in 2 lives and I did that too. My parents asked me to marry. But I am not interested in marriage, in fact second marriage.

FYI
1st life -> unmarried – BLACK font
2nd life -> married to Pooja – RED font

2 years passed …
It’s Monday. As usual I went to office. My collegue shiva called me.
“Dude you have to do me a favor”, he asked me.
“Yes tell me”
“We conducted interview for some freshers. 15 members are shortlisted for the final interview and u have to conduct the final interview”
“It’s not my job man. HR should do this.”
“I know but he is out of station. He will come after one week only. People are waiting outside. Just come and see once. Please”
“Ok fine”, I told and went out to see them and that’s the day I fell in love for the second time.
She looked cute and in one angle she looked like my Pooja. I liked it.
“Dude, why don’t we conduct the final interview tomorrow?” I told my Shiva.
He gave me a weird look. “But why not today?” he asked me.
“I never took interview dude. I need one day time please.”
“Ok tomorrow don’t say any reason”
“Done”, I said. In my first meet with her I wanted to impress her. For that I need to know some things about her. So first I decided to take interview in my 2nd life.


Usually the candidate who comes for the interview will be nervous. But for the first time the interviewer (me) is nervous. It’s not only because am taking interview for the first time but also because am going to meet her for the first time. She came inside and we shook hands. Her hands were very soft like a new born baby.
‘Idiot you are married in this life. So, control yourself.’ I told myself.
“Hello, I am Krish. Can I have your resume?” I asked her.
“Yeah sure”, she told with a smile and gave her resume.
“So tell me about yourself”
“I am Lavanya. ………………………………………………………………………………. ”, she told about her everything like a bullet. She was so confident. I interviewed her for half an hour. Everything what she told stored in my mind.


I know it’s not only her job interview, it’s my life interview. I made myself to look extra handsome. She came inside.
“Take your seat Lavanya”, I said.
She looked me with a surprise and I don’t want to stop with that. So I continued,
“You completed your schooling in st.joseph and your degree in SSN College. Right?”
“Yeah of course”, she replied with eyes opened widely.
“You like roses, kitten and you don’t like people who drink alcohol. Your blood group is B positive and that reflects your attitude too.”
“Yeah but…”
I didn’t allow her to speak. I told some other interesting things also that she told in the interview.
“Please sir, tell me how you know about me”, she asked me in excitement.
“Am actually your senior in your school. I know very well about you but you don’t know me.” It’s the biggest lie ever. We had a chat for awhile and I am pretty sure that I impressed her.
“Anyway nice meeting you sir”, she said.
“No ‘sir’. Call me Krish”

First we started to speak in phone for 10 mins. Then it doubled. When days passed we started speaking phone for hours after leaving from office. I started loving Lavanya more. Her attitude and the way she cares me everything resembled Pooja. I liked it.

I asked her to show her family photos. So she took some pictures for me. After seeing that picture I got shocked. Because in that picture Lavanya and Pooja’s dad was there who is also Lavanya’s dad. In short they both are sisters.
“Who is Pooja for you?” I asked her to confirm.
“She is my sister only but how do you know about her?”
“I know Pooja very well. She is the only daughter for her dad.”
“Yeah nobody knows this because I was born for her step mother. She doesn’t like me but I like her. So only am staying away from them”, she said with tears.
“I am sorry. I want to tell you something”, I said.
“What’s that?”
“I loved Pooja in my college days”, I paused and I told my flashback till she got married to another guy.
“She left you only because you don’t have job?”
“No actually. She loved me truly but due to her family situation she couldn’t marry me”, I said.
“Shall I tell you something? If she really loved you she wouldn’t have left you alone. I know it is hard to accept. But, this is the fact and you have to accept this”, she said.
“No. Don’t confuse me. She loved me.”
“No she didn’t. You know she is living happily with her husband in abroad and she has a kid too”
I don’t know what to response for her. “Ok am leaving”, I told her with tears in my eyes and started to leave.
“But I love you. I will never leave you for any situation”, she told.
I left that place immediately without listening her. I ran to my house and I tried to sleep. I didn’t get sleep. I took some sleeping pills and closed my eyes.

After sometime…

I opened my eyes. I went to terrace to see Pooja.
“Pooja, I want to ask you something”
“Ask me Krish”
"In case if I didn’t get job what you would have done on your marriage day?”
"Why are you asking this now?"
"Tell me first Pooja"
"May be I would have done suicide", she said.
I know it's not the truth.
"You know what I would have done incase I didn’t get that job? I would have taken rebirth to hold your hands. I love you always Pooja", I hugged her and told. I decided to leave Pooja. Suddenly I jumped from my terrace to keep full stop to my second life. I fell down on the ground.

I got up from my bed. My heart beat fast and my face was full of sweat. I relaxed myself.
"Everything is fine now", I told myself.

After 6 months I and Lavanya got married. Even Pooja came for the marriage with her husband and kid. I was happy with my single life. Today is July 31st. Next day is my birthday. Always Pooja will be the first one to wish on my birthday. But now she is not with me. With small drops of tears I closed my eyes.

When I open my eyes I was in a hospital with many major wounds. Doctor and Pooja were standing beside my bed.
"What happened to me?" I asked in a very low voice as I felt very weak.
"After your suicide attempt you were in coma these many days", doctor replied.
I got shocked. Suddenly rain drops started falling inside hospital. Everyone was puzzled.

I opened my eyes and saw Lavanya pouring water on me. 'Thank god it's just a dream', I told myself.
She hugged me and told, "Happy Birthday".

I was going to go all out for this review but…It seemed like a lot of work. I like it when I have a lot of work to do in a review but this…This was going to be too much for me. I’m going to go ahead and say that the story is…well…it needs A LOT of work. Like how you use text language outside of text messages in the story. And you have unnecessary capitalization a few times. Also, you have either incorrect or no punctuation at all. And you didn’t capitalize a character’s name. The sentence structure was bad and you seemed to leave out words that would have made a sentence make sense.
Example:

I have last round of an interview today

Correct: I have the/a last round of an interview today.
Uhm…by the way you switched between past and present tense…
It…erm…the story makes no sense and I really don’t like it… You have many errors in need of fixing and I have no idea what to even do with this whole thing. I wish I didn’t have to sound like a jerk-face.
If you want I can try and help you with your grammar (that’s another problem in the story) or anything at all then PM me and I’ll see what I can do…
~LP

Ya I am not gonna decline ur comments. Because I know am poor in english. Anyway I ll try to improve myself. Thank you for your valuable comments...

Ooooh okay. Well you're welcome and sorry. I didn't know.

Dhanshucool:

So, it's pretty cool you decided to post a story! I love the whole idea of two lives, and I completely understand how something that big can be sort of daunting to write - you have to work out all the details of it, explanations, etcetera, etcetera. It's difficult! Science fiction, in my opinion, is one of the hardest genres to write a good story in. One thing I really liked about your piece of writing here is the concept - the messing up and getting a second chance and the tiresome idea of living two lives. Your poor character must be dying of exhaustion from his double lives! I also got a good laugh when he figured out the reason the interviewer was glaring at him was because he'd been calling him 'ma'am' when it was really a sir! Nice job, there.

However, like LadyPurple pointed out, there are some definite issues in your story. Right off the bat, I found myself annoyed at little details in your writing that would just pile up and create this ongoing problem for you (and for the reader, because if your writing isn't clear, we're easily confused, which then equals a short attention span causing someone to not read through your whole story). For example (I think LP pointed this out, but it really bothered me so I will too) you would used 'text-speak' or 'chat-speak' outside of a text or IM. For instance:

dhanshucool wrote:OMG, there were 20 Missed calls.

Generally, in writing, you don't use text-speak outside of IMs and such, because despite everyone talking in text-speak nowadays, it's sort of weird and confusing to read a book with tons of text-speak in it (at least for me it is). Besides, how much harder is it to write out 'oh my gosh' than it is to right out 'OMG'? It's not too much of an effort! Also, another thing: the '20 missed calls' - more often than not, you find that writers will write out the number instead of just using the numbers. So: twenty missed calls. Not that much harder, either. It's those little things that can really effect your writing and how the reader thinks of you as the writer, if you catch my drift.

Another thing I happened to notice was the lack of flow. You really tended to jump around a lot, from place to place and scene to scene, and it got annoying by the end of the story, and really added to the confusion that I'm talking about. I think you could really benefit from working on transitions, and blending your whole story together so it isn't such a fragmented, here-there-everywhere type of piece. Also, at the end, when you separate the first life from the second life and such by using a color, I had to think: now, what are the chances this would ever appear this way in a book? Zip, zap, zero, nada! See, if you were publishing this, you wouldn't be able to separate your lives by color, because that's just not how books work, you see. You'd have to find a way to transition in between both lives, which is what I am talking about. Learn to blend your work together a little more.

Also, there was a very distinct lack of description. Always remember, show not tell. It really helps to get your reader into the story when you are setting up a great setting with awesome descriptive words and stuff like that. I never really understood where your characters were exactly, because you never offered up any description. That was one of the main reasons for the confusion I've been talking about. Remember the five W's and lone H: who, what, when, where, why, and how. By the end of the story, readers should know the answer to those, or at least have a pretty clear idea. Which I didn't, for the most part, because of aforementioned reasons.

I also noticed a distinct lack of feeling. Despite the fact that he's totally heartbroken, Pooja married a different guy, he's a loner for life, yada yada ya, I really didn't feel any emotion coming from him. At all. Consequently, I wasn't able to relate to your character, and so he - and the story - really remained two-dimensional to me, like cardboard, as they say. I never felt anything for your characters, and I should have - because it is sad. He lost Pooja! In one life, at least. I should be able to feel his confusion, his depression, his momentary madness, etc., etc. Did you know, J.K. Rowling admitted once or twice that when she wrote one of her drafts of Harry Potter, there wasn't much emotion - she'd never lost someone, so the whole I-don't-have-parents-they're-dead thing wasn't as emotional and deep as it could and should have been. Her mom then died, and she knew how to write it - the sadness. So, what I'm saying is, channel into a time when you were really sad, and write that feeling you had - just write it down, and then imagine your character in his situation, imagine the feeling, and write that. If that makes sense.

I don't want to be nitpick-y and go by line by line to point out grammar and punctuation mistakes, but I will say you need to work on dialogue. And realism. I don't generally wake up with twenty missed calls, and then get a call a second later. Maybe you do... but most people don't, at least it'd be weird if they did. But back to the dialogue:

dhanshucool wrote:“Yeah karthik tell me”, I picked up my phone and answered.

The comma after the quotation marks should be inside the quotation marks, like this: "Yeah, Karthik, tell me," I picked up my phone and answered. So work on that. If you keep writing, doing more drafts of this story and such, I'm sure it will really improve and you'll have something great. Work out how his double life just appeared...and can it really just disappear when he wants it to? Good questions to ask. Also, take to note that I found the names of your characters hard to pronounce and unrealistic, which made them feel even more distant! However, you did do a nice job, and like I said, awesome idea with the double life thingamajig.

- roach

Thank you Roach. It was too much informative. I will take your suggestions for sure.
And one more thing thanks for ur appreciation too

Hey dhanshucool!
First of all, I'd like to welcome you to YWS since you're a new member here.
Secondly, I have read your story. It is quite interesting. My favourite part is when Krish had found out that the interviewer was a guy, it made me laugh. I also liked how the story ended. I understand how your English is not so perfect as you have mentioned before, you obviously have too much grammar and punctuation mistakes. But don't worry, keep posting your stories, and hopefully my review would help.

1]

dhanshucool wrote:Suddenly a strange sound woke me up. It was nothing but my alarm. The time was 6:00 AM exactly. I turned off the alarm.

* Since you've written your story in the past tense. Keep going it in the same tense.

2] If you're writing a text message mentioned in your story, it is okay to use text language. Other than that, any text language used during writing would make your story poorly written

3] Take good care of the punctuation. You can use any website or a Grammar book to help you with that. But remember, it is very important for it can alter the meaning of any sentence.

4] I have noticed that you use the word 'and' too much. For example, “Hello”, I said and shook her hand.
You can say, “Hello”, I said shaking her hand.

5] Some words should have their first letters in capital, like God and the characters' names.

6] Trying to using linking words instead of separating your sentences all the time.

and finally, this might seem as a request but try to use asterisks (*) when using cursing words.

Looking forward to reading more of your stories. Great job!

Sure 'starlight9' I am writing my next story.. I will try to rectify my mistakes in that.. Wen i post my story i will let you know. Thanks for your support.

You had a very good idea in mind when you wrote this, I believe. And, before I go review this, let me say, for not being able to speak English that well, your story is very good. You need to work on run on sentences, and try to break up long conversations with little bits of description of action. Something like "He at his shoes and sighed" works pretty well. You also need to work on your use of text language outside of actual texts. Also, and this is the final point, watch your capitalization. I saw one instance in the beginning where you didn't capitalize a name, and another instance later on where you capitalized when you didn't need to. But otherwise, a very good story. Keep writing and tell me when you come up with something new!

This is cool. It's one of those genuine but easy to understand stories... The theme was that you should be thankful with what you have, right? Anyway, if this were going to be a novel or a longer short story it should have more detail and be phrased a bit differently in some places, but I think that's about all it would need to be praised by critics.

No offense, but the most awesome thing in this story is not the plot but rather the way you say it... there might be a lot of grammatical mistakes but hey I'm a south Asian too...i know how it is. Even before Pooja was mentioned, i knew either the writer was Indian or he was trying to be one... it may sound racist but the voice of this story actually impersonated a typical indian accent and i thought it was cool...hell, maybe you created a new form of literature.