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We Are Family~ The Apocolypse Ch. 3



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Thu Feb 03, 2011 1:12 am
PandaAiKorai says...



Rated 16+ for violence.

"And sometimes, I really do fight fire with fire."

Branden's POV:

She was stunning.

From the moment I saw her, I knew she was different, like me. Demons could sense each other, especially if they were the same type. She withheld the power of fire, like myself, though she couldn't be as strong as me. Fire demons had a sign of some sort- tattoos, scars, eye color, etc.- that signified their strength. In both our cases, it was the eyes. Both of mine were red, but only one of hers held that maroon tint, right behind her bloody bangs. The other was a stone gray, darker than Rei's.

"Who are you?" I retorted, not one to answer to others, trying my best to stay collected. It had been many years since I had encountered a demon. After the disaster just a few short weeks ago, I really believed there was only one in existence. Now with this girl in my presence, I wondered just how many more remained.

"I'm Sasuke Korai. And this is my mother, Elise." Obviously, this alabaster beauty was in no way related to the other lovely, savage woman. However, the way she hovered behind Sasuke implied a motherly instinct. "Just call me Korai."

We nodded, taking in and placing names to faces. That wouldn't be hard, since their names matched their physical features well.

"I'm Rei Azuka," my raven-haired acquaintance said, gesturing first to himself before me. "And Branden Kurogami."

Korai nodded while Elise simply smiled. Their personalities were so different, like me and Rei. But that type of balance made things, like apocalyptic hell, much easier.

"We were searching for a place to camp," Elise said in a melodic voice. Korai's was similar, though a little rougher. "I'm assuming since you're still traveling, you've found nothing."

"You assume correctly," I told her.

We now stood a foot from each other.

The desert began to get drastically cooler as night fell quickly on us.

"What do you think, Korai?" Elise asked her daughter.

Korai looked back at her mother, her hands on her hips. I watched them exchange messages without uttering a single word. I took this opportunity to talk with my traveling companion as well. "And you, Rei?"

Rei observed the area, and I did the same. It was pretty deserted, and I couldn't sense any other creatures- alive or dead- at all. I turned to Korai the same moment she looked in my direction, locking eyes. Demons could not read minds unless their own was powerful. Neither of us, I knew, did not obtain that wisdom just yet.

"Let's stay," Korai finally said, her large backpack instantly slumped to the ground.

"I agree," I said, mimicking her action with my own duffel bag.

Rei and Elise exchanged uneasy glances, but nevertheless complied. The four of us made a makeshift camp behind two large mounds of sand. The desert was eerily still this evening, so we were on high alert.

"Momma?" Korai said to her mother, touching her arm." "What's up?"

Elise's expression- if one could call it that; something about it seemed fake- was distant yet focused. When she came to, she smiled. "There are small trees as well as two cacti just a few miles north." She pointed behind me, and I looked back, focusing in on that very area. Sure enough, there was a small forest of trees as well as the coupe cacti, just as she said. I turned back to her.

"How did you know that?" I demanded, raising an eyebrow.

Elise shrugged, her face void of emotion. "Woman's intuition?"
Southern hospitality just ain't what it used to be...

...Ain't what it used to be...
  





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Thu Feb 03, 2011 2:23 am
TheManintheHat says...



And the Apocalypse continues!
Hello again Panda, I'm here to review this latest piece. I like how you're switching POV's, first of all. This can be tricky, but in a setting where the group stays close, it is a valuable tool. Speaking of tools, I was amazed at your audacity to introduce demons into a world that already has cyborgs. My, my, but you are a brave one. I approve.
As far as grammar goes, my easygoing eye didn't pick up any major flaws, but a story is a story for the story, not the grammar.
I would like to see some more description, though. Sometimes I can feel it coming and then...nothing.
See you next chapter!

~TheManintheHat
  





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Sat Feb 05, 2011 10:58 am
o0bookworm0o says...



I like it.....
If Death meant just leaving the stage long enough to change costume and come back as a new character....would you slow down?or speed up?
  





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Sun Feb 06, 2011 12:28 am
Ranger Hawk says...



Hey Panda, here again! :D

Okay, so I liked this chapter; I'm getting a much better insight into the characters and their personalities, as well as what they are. I'm really looking forward to more interactions and explanations with the characters, and seeing how it progresses. Everything seems a bit formal at this stage, but I suppose that's to be expected, since they're all strangers and seem to be a little wary of each other. Which brings to mind a point -- would they really be that willing to camp out with the strange couples? What makes them trust the others enough to want to share a campsite? I suppose more could be explained later on, but right now it feels a bit rash and none-too-careful on either pair's parts.

I've only got a couple of nitpicks:

Neither of us, I knew, did not obtain that wisdom just yet.


Too many negatives! I think it'd be simpler if you went something like, "Neither of us, I knew, had obtained that wisdom just yet." The other wording is just too confusing and doubles back on itself.

She withheld the power of fire, like myself, though she couldn't be as strong as me.


Maybe a different use of wording here; "withheld" just doesn't seem to fit with the rest of the sentence.

Okay, so that's it! Another great chapter, and now I'm onto the next one! :)
There are two kinds of folks who sit around thinking about how to kill people:
psychopaths and mystery writers.

I'm the kind that pays better.
~Rick Castle
  








We are not to simply bandage the wounds of victims beneath the wheels of injustice, we are to drive a spoke into the wheel itself.
— Dietrich Bonhoeffer