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Happily Ever After



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Points: 890
Reviews: 6
Thu May 08, 2008 3:23 pm
Writes Under Waterfalls says...



Happily Ever After




"What are they?" Tara murmured in a tense mixture of awe and fear. The long glass cylinders loomed before her, lining the hall with no end in sight. Each one containing a murky green liquid, and a tangle of wires. But the most frightening of all were the creatures. The pale, humanoid things wore identical expressions; glazed eyes that stared off into the vast nothingness, a haunting, hallow smile.

"Those are adults, experiencing the reward of ecstasy, for all their long toils," intoned the sleek robot. It was a newer model, designed specifically to being these shuffling, muttering young teens into maturity. That was its only function, and it would do it well. "Come, look."

Tara's classmates meandered after their teacher, whispering excitedly to each other in low voices. "One day each of you, too, after your growth period, may experience the great happiness as a reward for your hard labor. These adults were once minors like you, spending their days programming robots and recording data. Now they are continually fed endorphins and electrodes that directly stimulate the pleasure centers in their brains," the instructional-bot was saying.

Tara looked over at her best friend, Clavis, who seemed bored. He leaned against the wall, his hair down in his eyes, his face a mask of rebellion and irritation.

Clavis always seemed a bit out of synch with the rest of the world. He spoke too loudly, slouched too much, and his eyes were a bit too bright. There were times when Tara suspected he lived in his own world, inside his head, and then wondered why life didn't match up. Or she would, if she bothered to think of him at all.

"Hey Clavis," Tara chirped, "How's it going? Aren't field trips fun?" Clavis rolled his eyes and mumbled something that was probably a swearword. Tara didn't catch it. She was tuning into something the teacher said about the responsibility of humanity.

"Not really," Clavis grumbled louder, aggravated at being ignored. "I think it's dumb that I have to go to instruction. It's stupid. Especially since I programmed the instructional-bot, so I already know all this stuff." Tara gasped at his defiance.

"Clavis!" she admonished, "That's not a very constructive attitude! Everyone has to do all the activities, no matter what they programmed! You know that. Besides, you know most people don't read what they're programming. It takes too long."

"Uh-huh. Whatever. So I prefer not to be utterly bored while programming."

Tara huffed. "You're not being fun."

Tara felt a light buzzing in her head. Calm down. Relax. The words weren't so much said as implied- the natural thing. The obvious thing. Almost instantaneously a calm fell over her, de-tensing her muscles. She felt slightly sleepy. Then almost as rapidly, she felt a warm glow spread over her body. A smile came to her lips and stretched over her face. Serenity.

"Why're you so happy?" Clavis demanded. Tara paused, but the buzzing had stopped. A chill radiated from her friend.

"I don't know," she giggled, "Do I need a reason? Is there ever a reason for emotions?"

Clavis looked as though he were about to say something, but was struck with a peaceful smile. He stopped for a moment, blinked a few times and shook himself.

"I hate that."

"Hate what?" Tara asked.

"Hormones," brooded Clavis.

"What are hormones?"

"They're what cause mood swings. They live in your body. They're supposedly natural."

"How come the instructional-bot doesn't teach us about them?"

"I dunno. 'Cause it's dumb and doesn't feel like it."
Tara chewed on her lip and looked at clavis reproachfully.
Clavis relented. "It's just, I just hate the powerlessness. That they can't be controlled. They control you, from inside you. They make me so happy, and that makes me mad!" Clavis's eyes were sparkling and his cheeks were flushed. Tara took a step back.

"I can't take this, Tara! I feel an epiphany. We can't control them..." His eyes teared up and his breath came in short gasps. Even as he spoke, he fought a smile and boyish giggle, making a face almost ghoulish.

Reason, Tara thought, I must reason with him, he is unwell. He is going mad. Tara felt relaxed, took a cool breath.

"Clavis! Clavis listen to me. If they make you happy, they aren't bad. They can't be," Tara called. Clavis didn't respond. He hung his head in defeat, letting himself be washed in gladness.

His smile froze on his face. The chrome-and-steel teaching unit loomed over the pair, daunting and foreboding. It wasn't lecturing now.
"Clavis, I have been informed that you are in violation of multiple codes. Please come with me."

The smile vanished from Clavis's face, replaced by a trembling frown as the instructor-bot led him away. Another robot had glided up to the front of the class and was monotoning the remainder of the lesson.

Sad, Tara thought simply, it's natural to be sad when convicted of a wrong-doing. Hormones, hmmm. Oh I must listen to the lecture. And for the longest time, she thought of him no more. Time wore on.



"Congratulations, Tara. On this day you have completed your long nineteen years of education, as well as your twelve years of laboring. Today you will be rewarded for your hard work of," the announcer-bot glanced down his list, "programming food-preparation-bots, working in infant-harvesting, and getting top scores in your education. You shall join your elders and fellows in an honored life in eternal bliss."

Tara tried to relax, breath in, breath out. This would be easy. Finally, the day she had waited for all her life. She stepped up onto the stage, preparing herself for the injection. She scanned the crowd of expectant faces, of her peers and those of the youngers.

"Tara!" someone called out, but she couldn't see who. A murmur ran through the group as someone struggled to get through.
A young man pushed his way through the crowd, his eyes bright and manic. Aflame. His russet hair was tangled with sweat. Yet he moved with an air of defiant honor, gliding through the masses with agility and poise.

"Clavis," she gasped. "I haven't seen you in ages! Are you here for your ceremony too?"

"Tara," he demanded, thrusting out his hand, "You have to get out of here! We have to go."

"But, why? You're a little..."

"I'm free, now! Be free too!"

"But I am free..." she murmured, confused and taken aback.
Her world teetered.

Clavis stared at her, his gaze boring into hers. "You don't get it." The words were matter of fact, but his shoulders tensed, he flinched. "You're not free." He started to shiver, "they control your emotions, make it seem like you choose what you want to do, but they control you, what you feel, they..." Tara looked on as the young man crumpled, shaking, his breathing ragged...

Tara took another step back and watched intensely, with the others, to see what would happen.

A swarm of police-bots surrounded the trembling man on the ground. "Continue with your ceremony; this law-breaker will be taken care of," the chief police-bot intoned, as he carefully pointed a needle at Clavis's neck.

Clavis looked up, pleadingly, but not to the soulless machines that ran his society and were about to cart him away. He looked at Tara.
She tried not to look back, tried to ignore him, but her eyes were drawn like a magnet to his captivating face. "I know you don't know what this means, and I won't be able to tell you," he whispered, " I wish there was some way for you to understand the gravity of what I so desperately need you to know. I love you."

At that precise moment, Clavis's face contorted in pain as the yellow liquid in the needle was plunged into his neck. Almost as quickly he collapsed on the ground. The ceremony resumed.

"And now," the announcer-bot proclaimed, "you, Tara, may enter!"

Wait! She wanted to say, but even if she had she didn't know what to say next. She had no words to describe the sensations that swirled around her, the sudden emptiness, the trembling shock, the memories long forgotten, the confusing words of her childhood friend made her think that maybe there's something she didn't know and it would be best if we could hold off the event that is the pinnacle of every person's life for a minute so she could breathe! Breathe...yes...breathe...

Tara slid herself into the glass cylinder, allowing the calm feeling to envelop her. It is sad, she thought with half her mind, when a person's life is not rewarded.

But she pushed the thought of him out of her mind, that last thought she ever had, to enjoy her newfound tingling ecstasy.

With that, she allowed herself to get lost in the illusion, forever. Forever. Happily ever after.
  





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168 Reviews



Gender: Female
Points: 890
Reviews: 168
Sun May 11, 2008 1:31 am
scasha says...



"What are they?" Tara murmured in a tense mixture of awe and fear.
take out ina tense. Instead just say murmured in a mixture of awe and fear.
Each one containing a murky green liquid, and a tangle of wires.
- contained not containing.
designed specifically to being these shuffling, muttering young teens into maturity.
-- confused as to what you were saying here. Reword.

Clavis always seemed a bit out of synch with the rest of the world. He spoke too loudly, slouched too much, and his eyes were a bit too bright.
take out a bit. Use parallelism.
Or she would, if she bothered to think of him at all.
-- What would she do? Try to clear this up, it's too vague.

I have to say this was amazing! Really! Awesome job. It was creepy and entertaining and awesome.
Just a few suggestions to make it even better:
1) Show don't tell, there are patches when you tell what your characters are doing instead of showing the audience what they are doing
2) There are a lot of grammar errors. Watch out for run on sentences and incomplete thoughts. They can sometimes confuse the readers and take away from your story.

Other than those two suggestions, I thought it was brilliant! Keep up the good work!
  





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Gender: None specified
Points: 890
Reviews: 28
Sun May 11, 2008 1:51 am
Eva 040 says...



Thats freaky, its like Matrix stuff hehe.

What human kind will end up being.

The way you made the characters so different realy worked with the story, and what happened, the one who knew the truth got silenced, and the one who didn't got what she wanted.

Also, one of the things that made me think, was when he tell's her he loves her, she doesn't seem to understand love, like she's one of the robots who just feel what they're programmed to, not what they want to.

It's very well written, and is quite hard hitting, again, it really seems like something from the matrix.

Have you got any more work like this, 'cos this had really interested me.

Awesome, Eva XxXxX
XxXxX
  








I love her dearly, but I can’t live with her for a day without feeling my whole life is wasting away.
— Miss Kenton, The Remains of the Day by Kazuo Ishiguro