I like Ambrose a lot and I think you need to write another so that there isn't such a huge gap between this part and the other. The characters are imaginative though and their conversations are pointless and funny. A good combination =)
That last part was pretty freakin sudden! But it was still pretty cool. I like Ghent, even though he is kindof a jerk. I was gonna say a different word but there are small children in the room. Anyway, I still love Dugger and still wanna know what happens with the button.
I think you need to shw more emotion in Dugger and tell just a bit more about his past, its really obvious what kinda person Ghent is but... Ok I thought APEs were cool and I wanna know more about the planet they're on. Ok thats just about it, stick with Apathetics too.
~Pol
I used to rule the world, see it rise when I gave the word, now in the morning I sleep alone, sweep the streets I used to own
I think I'm going to change the ending because the way I did it there was very abrupt as you said. The problem was that I sort of got bored writing and wanted end the chapter quickly. So I copped-out with the whole losing consciousness thing.
I think what I'll do is expand on the dialogue and then having him arrive on the planet. No blackouts.
And Apathetics! I haven't looked at that one in a while. I have a small chunk written for the next section, but it may be a while before I get to it.
It was good. Better than the first draft, at least. I like how you told about the past of both of them at first. Ghent was cool. Hm... Triangles. Anyway. I think you should describe Dugger because when I hear that name it makes me think of a fat person but...
There wasn't really much else I could find. Ghent talks way to much but thats cool... Yea, nothing else...
~Pol
I used to rule the world, see it rise when I gave the word, now in the morning I sleep alone, sweep the streets I used to own
An arrow can only be shot by pulling it backwards. So when life is dragging you back with difficulties, it means that life's going to launch you into something great, so just focus and keep aiming. — Unknown
Gender:
Points: 16552
Reviews: 376