Young Writers Society

*This is sort of a continuation of Survival Techniques, but with a gap in between which, if I was writing from start to finish, might have included a substantial amount of writing. I don't really have the full picture of this story in my head yet, so I'm just writing bits of it as individual short stories*

Adam strolled solemnly towards the gate to the surface, resting his Zanbato on his shoulder. His squad was assembled behind him, and it would not be long before they were exposed to the greatest enemy humankind had ever fought. He gave the orders of the President to the gate keeper, and turned around to face the men and women who, everyone present knew, might never have seen their homes again.

"Today," Adam spoke, "you will be leaving the cavernous complex that you call home for the first time in your lives. You will see the land which your ancestors called home, robbed from humanity by his own creation. This is to be your trial by fire, and today, you will play a major role in the rise of your species against the machines, or you will die, gloriously, in the attempt."

He glanced at Pandora, his favourite student. He had high hopes for her, both in terms of her martial skills and because of her effect on others - where ever she went, people felt positive, something which she had convinced him was important in humanity two years ago, when they had first met. It was then that he learnt to smile, even if he did not feel like smiling, and so a grin spread across his face at the sight of Pandora.

"Soldiers - for that is what you are - you shall refer to me as Sergeant for the duration of this assignment. Pandora and Mariusz will act as Corporals. Lorens, Callum and Ping will be under Mariusz's command, Phil, Olive and Jade, you are all under Pandora's command. Now then...are you all ready?"

"Yes sir!" The squad replied in unison.

"Then let us proceed and, as your forefathers might have said, kick some robot butt!"

The soldiers cheered, and followed Adam out of the gate. The world which awaited them was unlike any of them had imagined it. They had all seen the pictures - they knew that the sky's colour was usually blue, occasionally grey, and red or black depending on the time of day. They knew of the trees and buildings and that the dirt lay only beneath their feet, rather than in every direction. But none of that could prepare them. Part of the reason was obvious - they had never truly experienced a space of more than twenty metres in more than two directions, and pictures did not do three dimensional objects justice.

No, the greatest surprise was the sense of wrongness that hit them all. For the world they entered was not a human one, as it was in the pictures. There were buildings - enormous skyscrapers, which would have appeared to be infinitely tall if one did not crane their heads until their necks were on the verge of snapping. But they were all empty, many ruined, whether they be destroyed during the earlier parts of the Machine War, due to a lack of maintenance, or both. The soldiers did not see the gleaming relics, among Humanity's greatest achievements. The shattered windows and burnt walls gave the structures a stony appearance, and so they blended in with the trees which overgrew them, like grey mountains with patches of green.

Adam led them grimly through the abandoned ruins. At any moment, they expected to be assaulted by machines, produced solely for the purpose of killing, but instead they were greeted by nothing but an uncomfortable silence. Eventually, Callum decided to break the silence.

"What city is this?"

"This used to be a city called London. I'm sure you have heard of it, for it is truly ancient. Founded by the Romans, it later became the capital of the largest empire ever forged by man. Until the Martian colonies were built, of course. But even then, this city remained somewhat important internationally. Alas, like every other great culture on Earth, the Androids have destroyed it utterly."

The squad continued, once again in silence. Nobody dared to speak, for they found the environment around them depressing. Adam looked around, and saw that even Pandora had a sad expression on her face. He grinned.

"Don't forget to smile."

Some of the soldiers snorted, but Pandora managed a laugh, and for a while the mood grew gradually more positive. They proceeded to their objective - which Adam finally decided to reveal to them.

"I suppose you'd all like to know what we're actually doing out here."

The response came in a mass, approving grunt.

"Right. Well, as the capital to a significant nation - even at the time of the Machine War - the government buildings here, or what remain of them, may hold documents, relics or whatever that could come in useful."

"Like what?" Olive asked.

"Like...where the Androids are coming from. If we can find that out, then they will not be able to increase their numbers, giving humanity an enormous advantage."

"But what exactly are the chances of us finding that out here?"

"As likely as anywhere else. And if that chance is in fact zero percent, then...well, we will probably get a chance to kill some 'sheens while we're out here."

Olive huffed. She wasn't too happy about risking her life for what could have been a futile task. Even so, she knew that her chances of survival would drop drastically if she tried to go back now. They continued, until Adam suddenly stopped by one of the many large, ruined towers, its top, which had been removed surprisingly cleanly, lying sideways on the floor, a giant clock telling the same, usually wrong time ever since its destruction.

"This is the Big Ben." Adam explained. "And that means that we have reached our destination."

Adam led the group around a building, which was larger horizontally than it was vertically, unlike most of the relatively intact structures in the city, until they came to an entrance. He led them inside, and split them up under the appropriate corporals. The two teams went in opposite directions, with the order to search through anything which might hold clues as to how to defeat the android, with Adam taking care of himself - he was easily the equal of both teams combined anyway.

The search went on for hours before anyone found anything of interest. They imagined that, once upon a time, they would have been impressed by the architecture and decorations of the ruin, but they despised the place - at least their caves offered them comfort and safety. Eventually, Pandora's team came across a metal box, a combination lock keeping the door securely shut.

"Adam," she whispered into her radio, "I think I've found something."

"Is it useful in combatting the machine threat?"

"I don't know. It's just a metal safe. Might be something useful inside, possibly."

"Okay, hang on to it. Continue the search."

No sooner had Adam said that than the entire squad, despite being split up, heard a faint noise in the distance, like a strong wind.

"Shit." Pandora heard Adam mutter. "Alright, ignore that. It sounds like they've found us."

"They?"

"The androids. Both teams, rendezvous with me at the entry point. From there we should be able to fight our way back."

The teams did as they were told, and the noise grew steadily louder. By the time they reached the door through which they had entered the building, the enemy was visible on the horizon - four aerial androids, their plane-like silhouettes increasing in size proportionately to the roaring sound that followed them.

"We will now make our way back to the gate. Move fast, but make as much use of cover as possible. If they get a lucky hit on you with their first shot, you won't get another chance. Now, go!"

They sprinted across to the nearest set of buildings on the route towards the gate to the caves - no sooner had they reached cover than the four androids opened fire. Each of them was like a plane/helicopter hybrid in terms of movement, as they moved as a jet plane, yet could make use of a helicopter's blades to hover in mid-air. On their wings and nose were attached machine guns, and so it was that twelve machine guns fired at the nine soldiers. To leap out of cover seemed suicidal, yet chunks of that cover flew away with every shot. Something needed to be done, and fast.

"Anti-vehicle," Adam said, not bothering to use formal orders, "go!"

Callum, who was armed with a heatseeker, raised his head and fired. One of the aerial machines exploded, a piece of its shrapnel hitting another's wing, knocking its gun at an awkward angle. Adam concluded that they were now effectively fighting against just eight machine guns. But Callum failed to duck back into cover fast enough, and within a second of firing his missile his head was transformed briefly into a bloody mist, before his headless body dropped to the ground. The other soldiers took a second to grasp what had just happened but, knowing that they were still in great peril, quickly diverted their focus back to the enemy.

"Someone pick up the heatseeker and take another one down." Adam ordered calmly. "I'll deal with the other two myself."

With that, Adam smashed a hole into the nearest wall and climbed the stairs he had revealed. It was agreed that, as Callum was a member of Mariusz' team, someone from Pandora's team should be the next to fire.

"I'll do it." Jade bravely declared.

She picked up the heatseeker, stronger than her thin frame suggested her to be, and aimed at the Androids. Another burst into flames, crashing on top of the remnants of the other. Jade made sure not to hesitate, and instantly ducked, narrowly dodging a spray of bullets, which passed through the space her head had previously occupied. She was about to fire another missile, but upon raising her head, she saw Adam landing on top of the Android nearest to the building and stabbing his Zanbato straight through it. He sliced upwards, his electrified blade having little difficulty in cutting through the Androids' metal body. Its helicopter blades suddenly ceased to function, and it dropped to the ground. Adam managed to leap on to the remaining Android - which had, by this time, turned towards him - and performed the same attack on it, destoying it completely. As it dropped to the ground, he leaped an inhumanly long distance to avoid the small explosion caused by the crash, and approached the squad.

"Good work." He told them. "Now I suggest we run - it's only a matter of time before we have an machine army to contend with."

They did as he suggested, going the extra mile by managing to keep up with Adam's insanely fast sprint. As they approached the gate, they heard the same noise as they had heard prior to the attack - just as distant, but far more intense.

"Looks like we've narrowly avoided being on the wrong side of a massacre." Adam mused as he walked through the gate. The others shuddered at the thought of the forces they could have faced had they been slower, and rushed back into the caves.

They were not immediately given time to rest - instead, Adam 'invited' them to see the plunder they had gained. Pandora passed the box over to him, and Adam broke the lock within seconds. Opening the box, he found a number of documents. Looking at them, he grinned - a genuine grin, unlike anything his comrades had seen before.

"What is it?" Pandora asked.

"This," Adam laughed, "is exactly what we need."

The squad stood in silence, not sure what to expect.

"You know what I said earlier?" Adam said. "About the location of the Android production facilities?"

"You're joking?!" Mariusz interrupted, unconvinced that what Adam was about to say was really what he was about to say.

"No, I'm not joking." Adam smiled. "Since when do I joke? This is it! This is that chance discovery we have been looking for since you were still in your mothers' womb. This is where the fall of the machines begins."

He gave the orders of the President to the gate keeper, and turned around to face the men and women who, everyone present knew, might never have seen their homes again.

unnecessary comma

This is to be your trial by fire, and today, you will play a major role in the rise of your species against the machines, or you will die, gloriously, in the attempt."

you don't need all those commas at the end.


"Right. Well, as the capital to a significant nation - even at the time of the Machine War - the government buildings here, or what remain of them, may hold documents, relics or whatever that could come in useful."

"come in useful" makes no sense. Please try either 'come in handy' or 'prove to be useful'.


"We will now make our way back to the gate. Move fast, but make as much use of cover as possible. If they get a lucky hit on you with their first shot, you won't get another chance. Now, go!"

I don't think it's realistic for him to be using such perfect grammar in an emergency, unless he is an android himself. In situations like this military guys usually will shout orders to their men in a rapid speech pattern of short sentences which are usually interlaced with swearing. For instance: instead of "We will make our way back to the gate." try "Get your asses back to the gate!"

Callum, who was armed with a heatseeker, raised his head and fired. One of the aerial machines exploded, a piece of its shrapnel hitting another's wing, knocking its gun at an awkward angle. Adam concluded that they were now effectively fighting against just eight machine guns. But Callum failed to duck back into cover fast enough, and within a second of firing his missile his head was transformed briefly into a bloody mist, before his headless body dropped to the ground. The other soldiers took a second to grasp what had just happened but, knowing that they were still in great peril, quickly diverted their focus back to the enemy.

This paragraph is way too dry and technical, especially for one in which you kill one of your characters. First I would suggest that you break this up into two paragraphs, the later of which will describe the death in a more dramatic and effective way. Right now i feel like a spectator watching this from a mile away. You need to write more dramatically to bring the reader into the action. Because you have chosen an omniscient narrator, you can tell us exactly what each character is experiencing during these events. Most specifically Callum's last moments,or the reaction of whoever in the group was closest to him. As an omniscient narrator, you also control time and can speed it up or slow it down for dramatic effect.


I like the story, but you are seriously lacking in the battle department.
Your battle scenes are dry, technical and rushed over. What you need to do is find a book written in the same voice, (omniscient third person) and making sure that it has a good amount of action, model the way in which you write your battle sequences against the way in which they write theirs.

I, like many people, prefer "come in useful" to "come in handy". I don't know many people who say "handy". Perhaps it's an American/British differences sort of thing (most of us Brits don't use the word 'candy' - perhaps we just don't like things that end in '-andy', though I can assure you that I don't know anyone who has an irrational hatred of people called Andrew).

Apart from that, thank you for your review.

would you mind returning the favor?

Very good, pulled me in to the world, especially with the references to "the Martian colonies". It hinted at a world wider than was depicted.

I agree with the usage of "come in useful" over "come in handy" as it sounds more natural. You're probably right with it being a Eng(US) vs Eng (UK) thing.