Young Writers Society

Leaving Humanity

Written By Jaret Martens


I looked menacingly out of the seventy-story window. It was easy to laugh at the meaningless inhabitants of the city, my city, going about their lives as usual. They had absolutely no cares or concern about their futures. They felt safe. A grin spread across my face. It was too perfect, too easy. My plans would be complete soon enough. My vision would become reality.

My vision might be what some people would call cruel, maybe even evil. They would think it was inhumane and wrong. I knew better. They were just humans. I might have been called a human once. Even if that statement had been true, I was sure it didn't apply to me now. Human was a term you gave something that was flawed. I was not flawed, oh no, quite the contrary. I was perfect. My plan would prove this soon enough.

It would be so easy. Once the act was done, I would rule all. Infinite power would be mine. My grin grew bigger at the thoughts of the upcoming irrevocable acts I would commit. I just had to wait. This was the hardest part. I needed something, anything that would justify what I was planning. Sure, I would have to exaggerate whatever my excuse would be, maybe even lie. It didn't matter, there would be no one left to point a single finger at me. Besides, I wasn't the first to lie to my people. Almost all of the eight hundred and ninety-seven presidents before me had.

They were deceived so easily. Every lie I told them during my campaign was swallowed easily. They believed I wanted peace, to end the wars across the earth, my earth. They believed that I cared about them, about their well-being. They believed I was going to be the perfect president. My smile suddenly turned into a grimace. Oh, I would be perfect all right, but they wouldn't live long enough to witness it.

It wasn't that I was power-hungry, that wasn't it at all. I didn't care if they would have hated me to begin with. No, this was more personal than that. I had to prove my worth. If my future brothers saw me committing these heinous crimes, they would realize how worthy I truly was. They would know that I was never meant to be a human. They would come for me, convert me into my true form. Then, and only then, would I truly control the earth. It would be my play-box. I just hoped that they would change me before too-many died.

Today was going to be a great day. I turned away from the window, preparing myself mentally for my future. Today, they would change me. Today, my humanity would leave me entirely. I couldn't wait for an excuse. I needed this too badly. With one final look at my large office, I turned and thrust myself through the surprisingly thin window. A few shards of glass sunk into my skin. It hurt, but my soul would be free of this wretched body soon enough. The wind felt surprisingly nice against my embarrassingly weak body. I ripped open my suit. There, strapped to my chest, was my ticket to immortality. I would just have to pull the chord, and then, I would join my true family. My plan was to wait until I was close to the ground. Though that would take only a few seconds, I couldn't wait. As a smile lit my face, I yanked the cord.

The last thing I remembered were the screams. They were panicked, terrified. I suppose that I would be too if I just saw my leader jump out of his window. I listened while the flames ripped me apart. As they spread away from me, away from my body, the screaming began to disappear. The pain and the sorrow, the screams and the shouts; all were washed away. Everything was gone. I was alone. Where were my brothers? Why hadn't they come for me? Hadn't they seen me? Why weren't they here? The thoughts ran through me like a deadly poison. then, slowly, the thoughts drifted away from my head, replaced by an endless silence and a numbing that would last through eternity.
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Thank you for reading! Please post all comments and complaints you have about the story. This is a rough draft. Hope you enjoyed!

Applause, applause, applause and more applause. This was nearly perfect. From the very first until the very last, I was compelled to read. I love how you never actually gave anything away (like the him being president thing). The ending was a shocker and at the same time not thrust in your face as a surprise. The only thing I was confused about was his intention. What was he looking to accomplish? Was it his simple elimination of his humanity? If so, then what was he waiting for?

Just to be fair I have to point out the mispelling of 'campaign' as 'compain'

I want to see what else you can write. I'll continue to check you out.

3-Damentional wrote:Applause, applause, applause and more applause. This was nearly perfect. From the very first until the very last, I was compelled to read. I love how you never actually gave anything away (like the him being president thing). The ending was a shocker and at the same time not thrust in your face as a surprise. The only thing I was confused about was his intention. What was he looking to accomplish? Was it his simple elimination of his humanity? If so, then what was he waiting for?

Just to be fair I have to point out the mispelling of 'campaign' as 'compain'

I want to see what else you can write. I'll continue to check you out.

Thank you for the comment. I thought I had made his intentions clear... Maybe because I'm the writer and I know what I wanted his intentions to be. He thinks he is above being human, that he is a god. Thank you for pointing out that spelling error... My computer crashed and I am on a computer with only word-pad so that truly sucks.I'll fix that immediately.

This was good. I like the political satire in it. Most presidents are bad presidents. A few things quick, little nit-picky stuff.

...before too-many died.

I don't think there's a hyphen between too and many.

then, slowly, the thoughts drifted...

Then should be capitalized.

Other than that, I thought it was good. I like how even before you know what's going on, you can tell by how the narrator speaks that he's probably insane.

"Human was a term you gave something that was flawed."

Absolutely scathing and, yet, somehow believable. I like this character a lot.

"I didn't care if they would have hated me to begin with."

Not quite grammatical here; maybe "I didn't care if they'd hated me..."

"Today, my humanity would leave me entirely."

Seems like, perhaps, it should be said in the more active "I would purge myself of my humanity" or something. Just being nitpicky at this point, though.

Great story, overall. A short but intricate portrait of a jaded leader with a fatal God complex. Nice work, sir!

Wooooowwww!!! Can you say greatness, this piece was incredible. I tried to look for errors but didn't succeed, because this was exquisite. I love how you kept the suspense increasing and then left us wondering what was going to happen next. All I can say is when you coming out with the rest

All I can say is wow. I looked desperately for any errors other people on here missed, but I couldn't find any! Normally, I can hardly review anything because some of the stories don't move fast enough. You know what I mean? But you, my friend, succeeded in keeping me satisfied! Thank you very much! Ooh, I just got an inspiration for something. I gotta go!

I have to say I was totally impressed with that. The story was captivating from beginning to end and I had a hard time looking away for a second.
The ending was totally a suprise for me, because I was expecting something way different to happen. Still, I won't complain. The ending you had was perfect and really hit me.
Overall, good job! I look forward to reading future works of yours. ^-^

This reminds me of "2001: A Space Odyssey" by Arthur C. Clark. Check it out; there's both a movie and a book.

Heh, wow! I really enjoyed this! You did a fantastic job keeping the suspense and intrigue up, as well as writing the narrative very well. I'm looking forwards to reading some of your other stuff.

I agree with everyone who reviewed this before me, it's very well written and I would love to read the final draft and any of your other pieces. It makes you think and wonder, which is magnificent. Plus the suspence and emotion is exhilerating. I applaud you.

Wow, this was very good and mysterious.I think all the other reviewers covered all the critique. Very nice job. Keep up the good work.

hey!
Amazing job . The entire thing flowed beautifully and I was hooked from beginning to end! The only small thing I can nit-pick at is:

They were deceived so easily. Every lie I told them during my campaign was swallowed easily.

You say the word 'easily' twice, even though they are not in the same sentence, it disrupted the awesome flow you had going. I would suggest changing the second 'easily' with 'without difficulty' or 'convinietly' (or something along those lines.)
Besides that it was absolutely flawless!
Keep up the great work!
xxmimixx

Wow! This received way better reviews than I thought it would. Thank you guys for being so supportive. I can't believe it's been so long since I've written anything new. Got to get on that. Also, I would like to say that having a plan (which my evil teachers make me do for writing) is NOT HELPFUL in the least. The only stories I have ever been proud of have not had any plan whatsoever. Things just come as you write them. Thank you so much, again, for your awesome comments.