Young Writers Society

12/17/07

003 – End

Stanton sighed as he unfolded his morning paper. Someone had brought him an English muffin – heavily buttered, just the way he liked it – and he crunched down on the toasted morsel as he scanned the headline.

“MUTT UNITS DEPLOYED” it screamed. Idiots. Now there would be mass panic as the GM-phobes protested. Oh well. At least it was better than rioting if the press kept quiet and they were discovered. There would be screaming of conspiracy and all that.

There was also the concern – this one actually reasonable – about the fact that more than a few warring countries had all purchased Mutt unites. Howland Industry hadn’t discriminated when they had collected money from the sales. All they cared about was sucking up as much profit as possible. Idiots. Let’s just hand out killing machines to people who might come and use them against us.

“Sir?”

Stanton looked up at the soldier standing before him.

“What is it?”

The Mutt saluted. “They’re ready for you at the briefing.”

General Stanton stood with a groan. Time to go to war. The end times had begun.

Oh, how true of humans...

Make a super-deadly weapon and then sell it to other places so that you can make some money and they can kill your population. They are idiots. XD

It's really good, I like the idea, the plot, and the way it's written, with all the different parts that seem unrelated... for a while.

It's definitely coming together.

Okay, the breakdown:

I loved your first paragraph, well done there. (Pun not intended)

I liked the second par. because of the thought that seemed to be put into it.

Third paragraph: I didn't really understand the "this one actually reasonable" here. Use it if you want, but maybe try something else.... Also, in: "...had all purchased Mutt unites" the last word shouldn't have an e.

Nothing more to say until the last paragraph, where I thought "The end times had begun." sounded a little weird. Maybe rephrase that... I don't know exactly how.

So as I said before in this post, and in other posts, this is a very cool story. Thanks again for PMing me. I can't wait to read more...

Keep writing, please!!! I should mention again that this is in my top five favorite stories on the site.

Teh Wozzinator

'Idiots.' Haha I love that.

I really like this, you've introduced Stanton very well. I also like the way you've added a comical side to a serious situation, it's very clever.

I can't really see anything wrong, so keep up the good work. Kudos.

Hey, hon.

Needless to say, you've got me hooked on Mutts.

Ta,
Cal.