Young Writers Society

On Monday 6 January Hugh Mullins was getting ready to teach 8D. The young English teacher was newly qualified, and 8D was the most challenging class in Moreland School.
Back in at the deep end, he reflected, emptying his bag. Year 8 English: texts and approaches (A teacher’s handbook) weighed a ton. He looked around the empty classroom and sighed nervously. Maybe Samir would be off sick. A loud bellow from the corridor made him jump. Mamadou, aka Motor-mouth, was warming up his vocal chords.
Here we go again, Hugh groaned inwardly, burying his face in his hands. But he pulled himself together when Aisha and Nouria walked in.
“Happy new year, sir!” they giggled.
On second thoughts, the girls in 8D weren’t such a lost cause… Hugh wished them a happy new year too, in what hoped was a formal voice. His more experienced colleagues had warned him, “Don’t get too friendly with your students, or they’ll eat you alive.”
“That’s nice sweater, sir,” said Nouria. “Was it from father Christmas?”
Hugh blushed. It was a present from his mum. 8D always caught him off guard.

This made absolutely no sense to me. It was too short to understand anything. It was about a paragraph and you already introduced five or six characters. If you expect us to evaluate your work honestly, then you need to post something that we can actually evaluate. This is much too short to do anything with.

Beyond that, the writing was so-so. You had some flow going, but the lack of sense made it impossible to get anything from it.

ok but i think for the first time it is ok but yes i do agree. yes there is too many characters. thanks

from GRIM-SLEEPER

Yes, If you don't call some of the kids by their name, and just say 'said one girl' it would make more sense.

Appart from that, I liked it. There seemed to be a storyline there, but I don't get where this piece is supposed to go. Is it a prologue, or a first chapter, or is it just a randonm piece of writing?

RR*