Young Writers Society

Here is an essay I wrote a few months ago for my literature class. I love writing, so any feedback would be lovely~

It was supposed to be a personal narrative, but I feel I may have strayed from the topic? xD Also, if you see any grammatical errors (as I'm sure I have at least a few - like comma splices), please don't hesitate to point them out~ (Do try not to rip my soul to shreds, though. xD)

Thanks in advance for reading!

(I am currently a new user, but do not fret! If I do not get to reviewing others' work tonight, I will do so tomorrow after class~ So I'm not going to go posting my things and completely ignore others' things~ )

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Drip drop. The sound of water cascading from the highest of canopies to the musky earth is something awe-inspiring, a true sound to behold. Each droplet has its own meaning, and each rainfall tells its own tale, whether it be of demons lurking in the shadowy forest or that of a brave young maiden scratching her way to an awaiting freedom. If one listens closely, lends his ear to the symphony reverberating around him, he may take notice of a story unfolding. The falling rain would beckon him closer, immersing him in its sweet whispers, beginning its tale. I myself have fallen victim to its melodious singing, but I never regret the moments spent with it. Its voice is something I cherish, a gift I will never forget.

Whenever I feel out of balance or when my world seems to shatter around me, the rain has always been the foundation for my serenity, the frame around my broken mirror. If I am to stumble or crack from a heart-wrenching blow, the frame supports my pieces and keeps them safe in its steady grip. It has held my hand through the most trying experiences one can ask for, and even if it departs for a short while, I always know it shall return. Drip Drop. Its voice shall keep singing me lullabies as I slowly drift to sleep.

As long as blood courses through my veins, the sound and feel of the rain will remain within me. No matter the challenge, no matter the circumstances, no matter the questionable truth, the rain will always be there to welcome me into its unfolding arms. It will continue to guide and shield me throughout the course of my life, and I shall never forget the feel of it dancing across my skin, nor the subtle whisper of encouragement as I continue walking my path. The rain will always be there to welcome me home.

Hi there InkDrop! I thought I'd take a look at this since there were no responses and personal narratives are some of my favourite things to write

...and then I was disappointed. This isn't a personal narrative but just a, well, narrative! More prose-ish and ramblings. See, a personal narrative is an essay/narrative (duh!) that recounts a sentimental, heartfelt or funny story about yourself. Like the time when your grandmother lit herself on fire or when a friend of yours came running down a mountain after her first poop (examples of some of my own personal narratives). Unlike my examples, a narrative can obviously be serious or whatever.

This really didn't strike me as anything close to an essay and so I can see why you posted this in Other. I'm not even entirely sure what's going on - there's no story, no nothing. So, I think I'll stop nagging you about this not really being an essay of any kind and do something else.

This is rather beautiful with your words and the ease at which it flows. But I also find it repetitive and by the end, it feels hopelessly dragged out. It's like you had so many ideas floating around in your head, but they just weren't fitting to this exact piece but you nonetheless wrote them out. Don't force your writing because then it is very noticeable. Write for enjoyment as much as possible (school excluded).

Your use of metaphors and/or similes was extraordinary and stunning. So, points for that.

I'm not sure how your English teacher graded you on this or if you ever did submit it as a personal narrative, but, like I've already written, it's not even close to that. You definitely are a great writer and so shoot me a PM if you write some newer!

Yours,
Lavvie