Young Writers Society

Sometimes, you need comfort. Sometimes you need to be alone. When someone special dies, you don't know what you need. Sometimes, you feel like you need both at once. Now, I don't really know what it's like to lose a spouse, a friend, a family member, or even a girlfriend or boyfriend. All I know is that when it happens to someone, they go into a deep depression. They don't eat, nor do they sleep. All they do is cry. They forget what it's like to be loved. They forget what it's like to love.
My favorite quote on death was said by Jack Lemmon, and it is “Death ends a life, not a relationship”. I say you should go on. Don't forget that person, but don't linger either. Live your life. Make friends. Because you know, when you die, you will see that person again. Remember, your relationship with your loved one is not over.

Sometimes, you need comfort. Sometimes you need to be alone. When someone special dies, you don't know what you need. Sometimes, you feel like you need both at once. Now, I don't really know what it's like to lose a spouse, a friend, a family member, or even a girlfriend or boyfriend. All I know is that when it happens to someone, they go into a deep depression. Elaborate on depression; this is where you can really dig into the emotiaonl aspect of what you're talking about.They don't eat, nor do they sleep. All they do is cry. Not a huge fan of these lines. They're pretty good, but I feel like it doesn't truly reflect on the depth of losing a loved one.They forget what it's like to be loved. They forget what it's like to love.

My favorite quote on death was said by Jack Lemmon, and it is “Death ends a life, not a relationship”. I say you should go on. Don't forget that person, but don't linger either. Live your life. Make friends. Because you know, when you die, you will see that person again. Remember, your relationship with your loved one is not over.

Overall I thought this was actually quite good. Since you say you haven't really experienced death yourself, I think it might also be interesting if you added a little bit about what you think it is like, and what parts of it you think you could never understand without witnessing it firsthand. Anyway, I liked this, I actually felt pretty motivated to write something of my own.
Keep writing,
StoryWeaver

All I know is that when it happens to someone, they go into a deep depression. They don't eat, nor do they sleep. All they do is cry. They forget what it's like to be loved. They forget what it's like to love.

While the depression part may be true, not everyone deals with grief the same way, and not everyone forgets what it's like to be loved. Using myself as an example, my loved one was quite sick before he died, and it was quite a roller coaster with how he'd be on the brink of dying, but then he'd bounce back. When he finally died, I didn't cry or lose sleep or stop eating. Instead, I felt nothing but numbness, and I threw myself into my work until I forgot he was dead. It wasn't until two weeks later when I came home and didn't find him waiting for me like he always did that the loss finally hit me.

It still hurts to think about him, even though he died so many years ago, and I miss him terribly, but throughout the entire ordeal, I never forgot what it was like to love or be loved. The reason losing him was so painful was because I loved him so, so much, and I knew he loved me back, but he was no longer around to show it. But all the while, my family was going through the same pain, and we all loved each other, and it was that love which helped everyone move on because we were there for each other.

When someone loses someone special, especially to death, all the platitudes in the world are meaningless. What really matters is that someone else special is there who can understand and share their pain because sharing that pain makes it hurt a little less, even if the sharing is through a hug or other manner without words.

Any time you haven't experienced something first-hand, it's best to talk to people who have before writing about it, especially with regards to loss. Otherwise, the lack of experience and knowledge makes what you write feel trite and meaningless to those that have experienced loss.

This piece would have been better if it had approached the topic from the angle of someone who had never experienced loss before, but was trying to understand it, rather than someone who had never experienced loss before, yet was giving advice on how to deal with it.