Young Writers Society

I'm writing a novel and it does have a romance theme, I was thinking of this as the very beginning? As a note that someone leaves the narrator. If you want a further explanation of the plot I can give that. Anyway, here it is.

A first kiss should be like a firework. Bright and lifting, yet a lingering feeling, the spray of colors that dance on the inside of your eyelids when the intensity becomes uncomfortable, and you close your eyes. A first kiss should be a glimmer of a fantasy, lasting long enough to touch, but barely escaping before you can grasp it. That's how it should be. And I didn't feel that with you, Alex, I didn't feel it...

Hi there:)
This is a pretty good short openning, I really liked the first sentence. But the second I got lost in the discription, and sadly not in a good way.

Bright and lifting, yet a lingering feeling, (you say yet here, but what suggests that bright and lifting isnt a lingering feeling? maybe change one of the first words to sometimg that means exciting or sudden? or change the yet to an and)
the spray of colors that dance on the inside of your eyelids when the intensity becomes uncomfortable, and you close your eyes. (i dont really get this.. dont you already have your eye closed? kisses with eyes open can be awkward:P plus you talk of the inside of the eyelids. Oh and maybe put this bit in a new sentence since its a new idea?)

But i really liked the rest of it. though i do think you should change the punctuation a little in your last line-

And I didn't feel that with you Alex; I didn't feel it...

I think though if you plan on making this the start of a long-ish story, I would add a bit more...
Overall though it the start of a great opening for a romance story:) Keep writing it
~Layla Flame

Hello, I think this is a really good start for an opening but I do think it is a little short.

The only part that I am not so sure about is the

spray of colors that dance on the inside of your eyelids

First of all, inside of your eyelids? I don't know how that can work...or I may just be slow.
And, the spray of colours (Sorry I'm English, that’s how I spell colour ) are they from the fireworks?

Other than that I really liked this, the ending way good and although it was short it was well written. Well done, and keep it up. I will be looking out for the first chapter