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Young Writers Society


Love and Hate



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374 Reviews



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Points: 1147
Reviews: 374
Thu Jun 09, 2011 6:45 pm
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tgirly says...



A mother sparrow and her child sat on a branch near a little, white church just outside a big city. There were flowers everywhere, and the service had just finished. The bride and groom stared into each other's eyes, while a mother nearby tenderly held a baby in her arms. Children laughed and played, while grandparents held hands and looked on with pride. Friends and relatives hugged each other in greeting. Talk was full of laughter.
The young sparrow asked, "Mother, how can humans love so much?"
In answer the wise sparrow said, "Come," and flew off the branch toward the city.
They flew over a fight outside a dirty bar, five against one. They watched as people passed by ignoring the wails from the man who was losing. They flew over a mob of people waving signs and throwing rocks in the windows of some politician's house while he tried to take his daughter to school. They flew over rush hour traffic, and watched the road rage as obscenities flew and voices rose.
"Because they can hate so much, my darling," the mother sparrow said.
"But," the young sparrow asked, "how can they hate so much?"
"Come," beckoned the mother sparrow, and they followed the loudest and angriest man through the traffic and on to a smaller road. They followed him as he got out of the car into a giant building, then found the window to the room he'd went into.
He was talking to a man in a white coat. The man with the white coat gave a quick reply and left. Then the man knelt down by a woman who wept at the foot of a white bed. He put his hand on her shoulder and whispered something. A child lay in the bed. He had a tube up his nose and several in his arm. A machine near him went beep...................beep................ beep................., getting slower and slower. The man burst out in sobs, crawling around the side of the bed to grasp the child's hand .
The mother sparrow said sadly, "Because they can love so much," and as she spoke the machine went quiet.
They stayed by that window as more people, some with white coats some with black, filed into the room and they stayed by the window until night had fallen, but the man and woman still wouldn't leave and still mourned on. The two birds flew off quietly into the night, both wiser than before.
Last edited by tgirly on Thu Jun 16, 2011 4:31 am, edited 4 times in total.
When I was young, I admired clever people. Now that I am old, I admire kind people.
-Abraham Joshua Heschel
  





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58 Reviews



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Thu Jun 09, 2011 7:39 pm
CardDragon says...



I believe this a good story about the nature of humans. It is sort of similar to a faerie tale, the way you told the story.There was an error in the story that I saw while reading it.
The bride and groom stared into eachother's eyes,


This should be each others eyes.
I like this story because you could easily understand it and it does not have too much detail, which is good for this story.
That is all,CardDragon.
[color=#FF0000]I AM SICK PHANTOM![/color]
  





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Fri Jun 10, 2011 9:30 am
Bromthebard says...



Very true. This story exemplifies the human race in a short descriptive fable. I am not a crier, I don't cry st funerals of loved ones, but this brought tears to my eyes (they did not fall though). It was sad but it was amazing. It amazes me as much as it does the baby bird, "how can humans hate so much yet love so much at the same time?" This fable helped me to come closer to understanding the answer. I saw no errors except the one spoken of above. I think, though, you could be a little more descriptive of the 'hate' part. The wedding part was very descriptive, the death part was very descriptive, but the middle was not very descriptive. Other than that, this was an amazing sad story. Good luck in your future writings. May you be shielded from Writer's Block.
I am.... a New Age Inkling! We must continue the fight for young authors, for it is the brave mans part to write with glory or with glory be rejected! (taken from a fellow New Age Inkling, Highlander)

Anyone who says they have only one life to live must not know how to read a book. ~Author Unknown
  





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Sun Jun 12, 2011 9:37 pm
LittleLionWomen says...



Amazing. It gave me actual chills. My favourite part was the word choice, however fluency needs some work. One line that stuck out was "barely glanced at the man getting who was losing." < it just feels a bit choppy, maybe consider revising that. But, amazing nonetheless.
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Mon Jun 13, 2011 6:01 pm
BelarusBirdy says...



I'm shivering right now. That is truly amazing work tally-wa! You've improved since last we met...I need to train my mind...
lol I had a ninja moment there. This is truly amazing. You could add a little detail here and there. I almost started crying at the end :'( but it's still amazing :D
A falling star fell from your heart and landed in my eyes. I screamed aloud as it tore through them and now it's left me blind.
Florence and the Machine, Cosmic Love
  








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