Spoiler! :
Tension runs deep, within my veins. A complex assortment of feelings and emotions. I contradict everything that is me. Hiding my smile, then giving it away freely. I loath the idea of love, and yet, still find myself fascinated by its ability to comfort me. I want it, then I don't. I tell myself, You don't need this, then the next moment stumble upon another gorgeous face.
Why should I restrain myself from something I want so badly? Because I can never really give it to myself.
Because of you father, I've been forced to see any future love in my life as my sole form of dependency for male affection. Because of you, I'll never be able to have a "normal" relationship without having to gain his love in paternal ways before the romantic ways he deserves. Because of the pain and anguish you've caused through your absence and inability to father me, I now live with voids so huge I should be adding to the statistics of failed teen-aged girls in this world. But I am not another statistic.
You should not feel proud that I've not fallen pregnant young, or that my virtue remains quite in tact. Nor should you feel proud that I've never once touched drugs to my system, nor alcohol to my emotions. I'm as pure as they come, but I am not yours. I excel in school, and hold no interest in finding "love" at my age; this age that, more than ever I should be chasing after something to complete me, where you left me empty.
Although I'm chased after like some prize to be won, no boy will ever know what lays beneath this pretty face. Should they, I'm sure they'd turn the other cheek. As they should.
No, you should not be proud of this head I somehow hold high, despite my lack of character and self-esteem. You know why you should not be so proud? Father? You deserve no part of me. Although you somehow had the heart to breathe the air into me that is my very life, I do not thank you for my inner turmoil and mental demise. You don't deserve to be proud of me. You know nothing of me. You do not hear these words I scream aloud in my head now as we speak! You do not exist to me. You never did...
And so I find myself writing down these words to a name I know more than the person you somehow are. I'll never know you, nor will you me. But I write this anyway, just proving you still linger in my tissues... Even though you deserve not even this part of me. The part of me you made. The part of me who always wondered about you in secret for so many years, because your name was forbidden from my childish heart. The part that, no matter how hard I wish to scrub it free, is part you.
I take this from you! It's nothing you'll miss. Three previous illegitimate children you still hold before me. Brothers who I'll never know. Who are now men, with lives of their own. I am the one that got away. The one you'll never know. The one that still acknowledges you, even though you're undeserving of such attention.
In your dying day, I'll probably still have yet to meet you. But no just God would place us in the same heaven. I pray my heaven is somewhere far away from you.
Damn you, selfish bastard, for taking this piece of me... I wish I could take it back, but it was yours the minute you chose to create this girl inside that fights for the freedom of her own love. Because of you, my love can never be what it should. I'm damaged. My love, tainted... and you didn't even have to make an appearance in my life to ruin my heart.
But I'll be okay.
This is the last time I'll ever acknowledge you, and you don't even know it. . . Good-bye, Greg.
Only thing I don't like are the ellipses. Avoid ellipses in a story as much as you can. 
Gender:
Points: 23786
Reviews: 403