Spoiler! :
I stare at the fat human from my spot on the windowsill. What is he always staring at? It makes no sense to me. A disgusting sound spills from his lips. Gross.
The human scratches his stomach and slouches against the back of the couch. I think I’ve seen enough of this today. I jump to the ground and perch beside the front door. He doesn’t seem to notice, so I let loose a shrill meow. The human makes eye contact with me, and for a moment, I think that he’ll get off his fat ass to open the door for me. I meow once more, but he only laughs. Stupid human.
“Frank, let the Goddamned cat outside!” another human calls from upstairs. I really do love when the fat human gets in trouble.
As he stands from his spot on the couch, the human grunts. There’s a large indent in the cushion that he was sitting on. He towers over me, stomach hanging out of his shirt. Lovely. “Would you like to go outside, Mittens?”
I don’t give him the satisfaction of a reply. “Meow, Mittens!” he coos, trying to coax a response from me. I stare at him smugly. Not today, fat man. Is it wrong that I get a sort of twisted pleasure from playing this game?
“Meow, or you sure as hell ‘aint goin’ outside,” he grumbles. If I could, I would roll my eyes. I know he’ll give in soon; he doesn’t have the patience to win. I’ve got this game in the bag.
I stare back defiantly and toss my tail back and forth. The human claps his hands in front of my face, making an unintelligent noise. Does he have no shame? I really do wish he’d make this fast, I’m dying to catch myself a mouse.
We both glare at each other for a moment. Finally, the fat human throws his hands in the air, exasperated. My eyes follow his hands from his pockets to the doorknob. Yes, that’s right; throw in the towel while you still can.
He opens the door wide and I walk out a champion.
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