Young Writers Society

Chapter8 of 1 Samuel
Read 8:10-18
: 19, but nevertheless the people refused to obey the voice of Samuel.
Now, we always looking at other people and what they have that we never see what God is trying to bless us with. We can only see what others have, always rejecting are own promises that God has given us.
Now the Israelites have been going through the same thing over and over looking at each other and other people’s lives. Only the Israelites
IS66:4 so will I choose their delusions
And bring their fears on them;
Because, when I called, no one answered
When I spoke they did not hear;
But they did evil before my eyes/
And chose that in which I do not delight
Now when Israel entered the land of the Canaanites, they encountered the Canaanites city-state that was led by kings. Now Israel was enslaved at Canaanites. So they wanted to be like the Canaanites. They wanted someone they could see someone they could touch. Not realizing that God was there king. Now the elders of Israel had am against Samuel and started naming things to back up for why they should have a king to rule over them. So they said “look, you are old, and your sons do not walk in your ways” Then they said “Now make a king us a king to judge us like all the other nations.
Now you can tell that they were judging themselves up against other nations (Canaanites) that had kings. Not realizing that God was king. Now Samuel had told them that there king was going to turn evil up against them and take all half of everything they had.
But they did not heed what he was saying and still demanded a king.
Now they demanded a king like Hannah did for a son.

AWSEOME

Thank you I wrote it as sermon.

It's nice, I guess. But most of what you were trying to say got lost in the grammar/sentence errors. Really

I'll point out a few of them:

Now, we always looking at other people and what they have that we never see what God is trying to bless us with.

"We are always looking." There needs to be a verb there. And the entire sentence in general seems to be a rush of words, like you spat out whatever you were thinking without considering what was coming out. It's not technically a run-on, but it has the feel of one.

We can only see what others have, always rejecting our own promises that God has given us.

Not "are."

Now the Israelites have been going through the same thing over and over looking at each other and other people's lives.

This actually is a run-on.

Only the Israelites
IS66:4 so will I choose their delusions
And bring their fears on them;
Because, when I called, no one answered
When I spoke they did not hear;
But they did evil before my eyes/
And chose that in which I do not delight

...I'm not sure what this means. I feel like you meant to say something after "Only the Israelites," but it got cut off, and I'm left hanging and trying to decipher what this quote means. And I just don't get it.

Not realizing that God was their king.

"Their" not "there." Pet peeve. x.x

Writing like this can be very powerful if you introduce it right. But frankly, I was lost. I had to sit there for maybe five minutes just to comprehend what your sentences were saying before I could actually move on to content. And then I still didn't get it. That's not your goal; you want your reader to understand you. You're trying to say something, but I have no idea what that something is. You should definitely sit and think through your writing before posting it. Think "what am I trying to say? What is the goal? What do I want the readers to gain from reading this (whether it be better understanding, clarification of something, some emotion you want to convey)?" Write with a purpose; if there's no reason for readers to read it, why should we bother?

That being said, I do want to hear what you have to say. Turn this around and see where it takes you.

great i loved it ..except for few grammatical mistakes , it's an uplifting piece.

This confused me to begin with. Although I've read sermons before it struck me as quite odd that anyone would attempt to tell a stroy through one. That being said you did a god job with your difficult challenge; it has the potential to be a very powerful piece of writing. Go through and correct you grammatical errors, take another look at it and see how much better it will look. It's an interesting concept and one that needs to be done justice.