Young Writers Society

I try to see past the ocean of dread that has begun to slowly drown out all else. Waves of misery continue to crash against the rocks that are my thoughts, and each splashing roar consumes everything. Climbing up the slick rocks I peer across the waters. All I see is darkness, black water which is formed by a mixture of pain and loneliness. Far off on the horizon, the sea meets the sky, which is as dark as someone’s pupil. The sky is made up of anger and disappointment. Each time plans go wrong or dreams fade, a new storm cloud is added to my sky. At the moment, the sky is made of clouds. Lowering my gaze again I follow the pull of the ocean. Here and there, a few sharp rocks can be seen jutting out of the water like spears waiting to impale an unlucky swimmer. The rocks are made of fear. Each rock is a nightmare, a phobia, a knowledge of the world’s danger. Another wave crashes against the rocks to which I cling and I shiver as the teary water overcomes me. Turning away from the darkness, I search the scenery for some sliver of light. Deep down, I know the light is hidden somewhere in my world. The problem is, I am too tired to search for it. I glance around once more, hoping to catch a glimpse of something beautiful, before facing the endless water before me. The tide is rising, and I know soon my rocks will be covered to the point where only a few sharp peaks are visible above the murky waters. My mind protests the jump. The sea is cold and deep; if I jump I will never find my way back to the false security of this rock island. I know that even the rocks I lean against are created only by fear. Again, I look to the sea of anguish and prepare to give in to the churning waters. Suddenly, a speck of white flashes across my vision. A tiny boat floats across the gloomy waters. I hardly dared believe that this is the light I had been searching for. Yet, here it comes, sailing across the ocean with a full white sail and a little flag. The boat is hope, freedom, love. In that little vessel all my faith and expectations are saved from the darkness. I now dive. Pain surges over me and freezes me, but my blue fingers find the surface. Rough wood brushes my hand and I grasp the edge of my hope boat. I pull myself out of the ocean and lay in this boat made of unbroken promises. Darkness still surrounds me, and waves still crash against my little vessel, but for now I am safe.

Wow.
This is really good. I'm guessing it's kind of a metaphorical place in someone's mind? I love your descriptions, and your wordings. Most of all, I love the words "this boat made of unbroken promises." That would be a priceless place to be, as we all have had our experience of broken promises...Very good chica. (And I love how your profile picture is Anduril...we shall be very good friends. xDDD)

I don't know if this is a stylistic choice or not, but the huge wall-of-text paragraph was a bit hard on the eyes. Try putting it into more manageable paragraphs, maybe?

Each time plans go wrong or dreams fade a new storm cloud is added to my sky.

You might want to add a comma in there after "fade."

At the moment, the clouds are the sky.

What does this mean? Do you mean "the clouds are in the sky" or...?

Lowering my gaze again I follow the pull of the ocean.

Again, a comma might be useful, after "again." Just imagine yourself saying it aloud, and see where you naturally pause.

Here and there a few sharp rocks can be seen jutting out of the water like spears waiting to impale an unlucky swimmer.

Comma after "there" and maaaaybe after "water", but that could go either way.

The problem is I am too tired to search for it.

Comma after "is" would improve the flow.

In that little vessel all my faith and expectations are saved from the darkness.

Comma after "vessel."

Very interesting! I think you just need to add those commas so that it flows better.