Trying to Define Art

Beat it by being minimalist and simply vanishing.....wat deus ex machina?!

Interesting idea and I'll admit, I came in thinking "oh dear..." and then you actually achieved something worthwhile. A pleasant read.

I could say this was great but... That would be the under statement of infinity. Seriously, can anyone say this was bad. In such a short writing, I don't ever see how someone could write something this powerful. But hey, look! You did! Wow! And in all honesty, "art" is a really hard word to define. For the people who aren't artists, it's paint on a canvas. But for the few who get it, it's way more than water colors and funny French names. And you, my dear, gave an awesome, if not potent, view on a little three letter word I like to call art. Other people call it art to, but it's my word. Just FYI. Great job!!!! :D:D:D

Interesting, but ultimately gimmicky.

What purpose does the lack of sentence capitalization serve? What of the over-wrought metaphor? Nothing really, except to grab attention with how unusual it is. It does an excellent job of that, as the reviews before me can clearly attest, but upon closer examination, there is not much to hold that interest aside from one's almost instinctive fascination with gore. Even so, the gore does not deliver, as vaguely described as it is; after all, it is just part of an over-wrought metaphor.

The gimmicks would have been more interesting than annoying had they more substance behind them, but what substance you have is spread rather thin overshadowed by the pretentiousness of referencing Pallas. Which leads me to ask two questions: which Pallas, and why is (s)he relevant? Why, if it is an allusion to "The Raven", is the allusion present; how does it enhance this piece?

As far as I can see, there is no enhancement, and the mention of Pallas' bust feels quite out of place in the gruesome metaphor. It is but another gimmick diluting the substance of this piece.

Speaking of dilutions, you twice used redundantly descriptive words, which also acted to weaken your writing. "smashed her skull spectacularly" and "my tiny frail heart" were particularly egregious as "frail" implies "tiny" (and vice versa) and smashing skulls tend to be spectacular as a matter of course. Besides this, "spectacularly" is rather weak and vague an adverb and could have been substituted for with an adverbial phrase for greater impact.

Vagueness, redundancies, and trivialities are deadly in pieces as brief as this, as much (if not potentially moreso) as in poetry, and you have a fair amount of vagueness, not to mention redundancies and triviality. As a result, the kernel of substance you do have is quite lost beneath the superficiality of the gimmicks, which is a shame as the core idea is a sound one.

I suggest you pare things down further, eliminating the gimmicks, else clearly justifying them within the piece. As of now, the gimmicks are nothing more than gimmicks and do nothing to enhance the piece aside from attracting some initial attention.

WOW!!! I love it! I could never write anything like this. I'm a stickler for capitalization though, so that's the only thing I can find wrong with this. Otherwise, it's amazing. This is definetely going on my reading list!

my only question is; how am i supposed to be this! amazing. I love everything about it

This was a crazy, beautiful, eratic, funny piece of writing. Made me smile That is all that matters! I give it two thumbs up. Fantastic job. Write more stuff like this!

HELLO wow. I loved the length, its just pure emotion, just pure food to feed off of. I devoured it, and like every good thing in this world, it ended too soon, which made it a gazillion times better wonderful wonderful.

Hey,

Thanks for making me feel like going through every piece I've ever written and ripping it to shreds. This is so short but so wonderful. UGH. >.<


Great piece!

*liked*

~Jas

It takes a writer of real skill to be able to write something so violent, short and blunt and have it still be beautiful.
I really can't criticize on anything. I mean, It was just so...
Perfect.
Artistic.
You are really talented.

Oh! this is fantastic. I just got done editing half a short story on art, and sending it to someone here on YWS, so I think the page suggested your post to me. I adore it!! I laughed quite hard at the end. I haven't poked around on YWS to do any reading, but pieces like this sure make me want to. Bravo!

wow really creepy and Stephan King-sh. But I know the moral and the motive and the tale you are trying to tell. I like it personally. I like it and I can connect with it somehow. Because I always search for a way to put my whole being into my art. I loved it I think you should post it in Teen Ink a magazine for writers. You have mastered the way of putting your "whole being into art".

thank you verymuch for the positive reviews

ArticulateOverlord, the reference to 'The Raven' was as a link to the horror-gory aspect of it, plus, she is a teacher and was therefore once a scholar, like the narrator in 'The Raven'. it's admittedly a very obscure attempt at hinting that she is basically human and has a past. but perhaps i shouldn't be explaining these things and ought to get people to think for themselves.

furthermore, the lack of capitalisation is links with the 'no rules or boundaries' type thing going on. it can be easily amended if it doesn't work though