Young Writers Society

For everyone who has reviewed my novel, yes I can actually write description and this proves it!

idraax wrote:Just a scene. I had no idea where I was going with it, so if you can think of a story to write around it. Go for it! Just PM me and let me know you're using it. For everyone who has reviewed my novel, yes I can actually write description and this proves it!
First off, I'd just like to say that this is an excellent piece, and hopefully you will be able to do something with it. It reminds me of those interactive fiction games like Frotz for some reason...but anyway...
Drift.
He senses movement when he lays his head down, feeling the heat on his eyesWhere is the heat coming from??. The world spins. He looks up to make sure she I understand that this is not a stand alone piece, but "she" is vagueis well and truly gone before letting his head fall back to the table. He sighs, listening to his heartbeat. It's comforting. The only sound in an empty room. He coughs and the world rushes back. There is a knock on the door. He gets up wincing at the ache in his bones. He opens it, blinksNice verb at the child before him and shuts the door. The knock comes again.
"Go away," he calls. He coughs again and clears his throat. There is a third knock on the door. He groans and thumps his head on the table. The knocking stops.
"I heard about you an' Aunt May," the child says. HerIs this the she from before? voice is muffled through the door, but he hears every word. He slides off the chair to lie on the ground.
"You gonna do anything about it?" He senses her hesitation before she answers.
"She wouldn't listen." He coughs, this time it's deep, bringing fluid from his lungs. The child starts knocking again.
"Let me in!" He glances at his hands. They dripped with fluid, faintly red.
"No," he rasps, "there-" He breaks into another series of coughs. The doorknob rattles. The child is trying to force her way in.
"There's nothing you can do," he says quietly. "Nothing anyone can do," he adds, quieter still. The rattling stops.
"I'm gonna get the doctor," the child says. He senses her leave and for a moment wishes she'd stay. It's quiet again. The world falls back into the stillness it had when he first laid his head down. The feeling of movement is stronger lying down.
He drifts.