Young Writers Society

This is just something I wrote when my boyfriend and I were going through a rough patch. We broke up for a time just because things were feelign different for him but we still spent time together a lot while we were working out where we were going together. This is my first posting on this site, and I'd love to hear your thoughts. Constructive criticism is welcome and much appreciated. This really has no direction or structure, it was more just

His hands glide across the planes of my face, over my cheeks and down the slant of my jaw. I’m scared to breathe; even more scared of looking into his eyes and falling into them again. I know I could melt into those ocean eyes, spend eternity drowning in them if he’d always look at me that way. My heart is pounding in my chest as his soft hand rests against my cheek. Just that single touch makes me want to give in to him, look into his eyes and let myself fall into this moment. For a second, I feel tears threaten to fall from my eyes and I feel ridiculous for nearly crying in front of him. He pulls his hand away, guilty, and somewhere inside I know I should take this opportunity to run. Instead, I let my heart take over and I reach up to brush my hand across his cheek, soft as I remember it. Then I’m in his arms, as ready as I’ll ever be to fall into this thing that is beginning. He has tied a string around my heart, pulled it tight.

Let me just start off by saying I haven't reviewed in a few months, so I'm a little rusty. It's short, but it gives a valid impression of what you were feeling at the time, which is good. I can't seem to find any spelling or grammar mistakes, well done. I don't have much to review here because I've never had this as a personal experience, but in terms of writing, it's very well done. Just make it a little longer so we can peer a little deeper into the personality of the story.

Yeah, it was a little short but it's been so long since I've written it that I wasn't sure how to lengthen it without really putting myself mentally back into the situation. Maybe one day I'll go back and revise and lengthen it. As for the grammar and spelling, I like to keep things neat and tidy. A little meticulous in that retrospect.