Young Writers Society

To be able to remember is a curse, and I wish I could learn to forget when I forgive. Your bemused love rests in every memory that keeps me helpless on the inside.

You have changed me entirely, and now I don't know who I am anymore. Am I a broken heart, a devastated soul, or perhaps a quenched mind? All I know is that I have become inadvertent, I have abandoned my heart, and having you back is not the answer, it won't make me happy again.

It's like abandoning a child and letting it grow with all that hatred and abhorrence! Behind my dark eyes there's this gullible child... I never forgive you for breathing without me, I was breathing for you!

And now, I've lost my way among all the mist, thorns, and dead petals. You sacrificed our love because of the denied fear taking over you. I have shared your every instant, I've shared your grief and your happiness. I've been captivated by your touch, allured by your thirsty desires. But now I'm not sure whether you remember me or not...

I tried to convince my heart and mind that you are absent, you are not here. Though it seems that your eyes have bewitched me, for you are simply everywhere. I don't know under which crime you judge me, but I do know that I don't deserve this isolation and prevention of your love that I could almost worship.

I could ask you to stop haunting my dreams, but I know it's not your fault... Maybe I like to see you in my denial, perhaps I take you there myself! Have you ever thought that I might need you beside me so much? Did it cross your mind that I had no one else but you? I am trying to show you my injured heart because you're the only cure to my infirmity. Only you know how to breathe life into me again.

But you keep turning your face away, now look at this mystifying monstrous world I live in. It's so cold, so enigmatic, so sad! Seems like the gracefulness of this world has forever abandoned me.

Hello, Miss Foxy! To return the favor, I am now here. =))

This is prose, right? =D/

And honestly, it's good. Though I do have some nitpicks for you:

I will never forgive you for breathing without me, I was breathing for you!

There were also some times where you used commas too much and hence there were lines where you should've separated the clauses into sentences:

All I know is that I have become inadvertent, I have abandoned my heart, and having you back is not the answer, it won't make me happy again.

I know you're trying to give a poetic style there. But there are other punctuations out there; dashes or semicolons would perfectly replace those commas.

Anyway, this is sooooo sad. ='|
Oh, Miss Foxy, I do hope you do not really feel this. Or if so, please do try to cease.
If you ever need someone to talk to just PM me.


~~ Your Jashy ♥

jashbagabaldo wrote:Hello, Miss Foxy! To return the favor, I am now here. =))

This is prose, right? =D/

And honestly, it's good. Though I do have some nitpicks for you:

I will never forgive you for breathing without me, I was breathing for you!

There were also some times where you used commas too much and hence there were lines where you should've separated the clauses into sentences:

All I know is that I have become inadvertent, I have abandoned my heart, and having you back is not the answer, it won't make me happy again.

I know you're trying to give a poetic style there. But there are other punctuations out there; dashes or semicolons would perfectly replace those commas.

Anyway, this is sooooo sad. ='|
Oh, Miss Foxy, I do hope you do not really feel this. Or if so, please do try to cease.
If you ever need someone to talk to just PM me.


~~ Your Jashy ♥

Hehehe Jashy jashy, my special jashy!! I did feel that way in the past, I was actually imprisoned behind my mind. Now I just live freely again. Ofcourse I will Pm you if I want to talk cutie pie. Thank you for the review, Ill edit it soon ^^