Young Writers Society

I wish I could just be everything I am in my head, each night I lay in bed thinking of the incredible things I can do, and the amazing obstacles and adventures my life could go through. Yet, I know it is all impossible. That’s the pessimistic me, some mornings I wake up ready to take on the world, with the attitude that I can do anything. Those mornings are rare, and the rarity is slowly increasing every year, I call it growing up. I had dreams of becoming a rock star, I can’t sing, of becoming a professional classical piano player, I quit piano after two years. My decisions and aspirations get more out of wack everyday. I go from being realistic to being overwhelmingly optimistic. I like to believe we all go through this, but then I see my friends so set on their future that I feel like I am being left behind. I wish at least once in my life I could win something. My college applications all ask, “What awards, honor societies, or accomplishments have you achieved during highschool?” I always leave it blank. I have nothing to write, do I lie? Do I write the accomplishments I’ve made in my thoughts? If our thoughts are a part of us can our fantasies be considered a part of our life, what we’ve become? Is it possible to forever lay in bed and just live your happiest life, how you want to live it, in your head? That’s my ultimate dream. But my flesh is a lot more carnal than my mind is, I want real victories, in the flesh. I want victories I can brag about, put people down with. Don’t play with me, I know you wish for that too. We are all so vain, and evil in our nature, our manners are all a façade. It doesn’t exsist, no one can say they truly want to live their life to help others, all they are really doing is lving their life to gain self satisfaction. That satisfaction comes from helping others, but ultimately it is for themselves. Eveything is for ourselves, we are so selfish, it makes me sick. My thoughts sometimes infuriate me, I know I shouldn’t be thinking certain things but how can I stop. My worst fear is that one day someone will be able to read my thoughts. That will be the death of me, in that moment I will have lost everything, every single wall and piece of clothing I have placed on me to cover the truth will be removed. I will be my own naked truth and no one will like it, our thoughts are all so ugly.

Welcome to YWS!
I love this little chunk of prose! Is it stream of conscious?

I like the pacing and of it and the ending is really interesting and provoking. I do however wish you could better tie it all together. Unless of course it's stream of conscious, then it would be OK. Either way I loved this and can't wait to see more from you!

yes lol it is a stream of conscious. I actually wrote it for my tumblr blog. but i posted here instead just because I was anxious to get something out lol. I regret it now that i realize we need 100 points to post, but oh well, THANK YOU!