Young Writers Society

When my breath becomes labored, I find no other way to life but these lines filled with emptiness... Thus I find myself filling pages that shall fade one day. But I sit here amongst that light that I don't really see, and I feel like a prisoner of reality; as if the painful truth has enslaved me. I have no reason that makes me hold on to life, so I sit in darkness and I stretch my hand to pleed for help from a soul I cannot find. As if I shall stay entrapped in this black gown for the rest of my life.

Even my tears do me no good anymore, they have become a prevarication just like the world I live in. And everytime I try to extricare myself from these illusions, I find them following me like the air follows your lungs... They never leave, and I find myself drowning in this perpetual pain, as the fervor of missing you outrages my body...

This pain that dispatches me, it's like a knife dancing on the edges of my heart. So I find myself hurting and there's no use of suffering the pain; nothing remains of my life... I remain lying on the edge of death, my eyes as black as the night, my lips as white as snow, and I'm staring at the sky waiting to fall to the glen; the pain ends. However, even death has become one of my impossible dreams, so I get weaker by the day, and I die like a thirsty rose. But water is not the answer to its thirst, and water is not the answer to mine...

I want him who sits in silence and watches me burn behind the looks in his eyes. He who used to whisper the most beautiful words of existence to me; and amongst all the noise, your warm whispers are all I hear. Ye who's finger tips used to wander passionately on my body, and I smiled. Ye who coalesced our souls in one, our bodies in one. Ye my love are the one who walked away and took the warmth of my heart along; all that remains is a blue flame dying along with me.

I love you, and I know you're not coming back. I love you, and I know you're killing me... I love you, and I know you're only a fading illusion... But I know that I love you.

This is really good
great job

strangeshellie wrote:This is really good
great job

Thank you so much, your opinion is appreciated

Hi!

I really like the way you write. Your grammar is excellent although you do have a tendancy to go "semi-colon happy"! Lol, I do it too!!

Only a couple of points - "pleed" is spelt "plead"

Ye my love are the one who walked away and took the warmth of my heart along; all that remains is a blue flame dying along with me.

I'm sure this will make sense once the "ye" is fixed....

In a way, I love how cryptic this is, and how the reader could mold it to work with several of their own scenarios, but I really would like a revelation at the end. Just my opinion.

Well done!! Nice work!

olivia1987uk wrote:Hi!

I really like the way you write. Your grammar is excellent although you do have a tendancy to go "semi-colon happy"! Lol, I do it too!!

Only a couple of points - "pleed" is spelt "plead"

Ye my love are the one who walked away and took the warmth of my heart along; all that remains is a blue flame dying along with me.

I'm sure this will make sense once the "ye" is fixed....

In a way, I love how cryptic this is, and how the reader could mold it to work with several of their own scenarios, but I really would like a revelation at the end. Just my opinion.

Well done!! Nice work!

hihihi thank you for your remarks, I shall edit it at once. However, there is nothing such as spelt, it's "spelled" and the word "ye" is old english for you. It was used by shakespear if you read any of his work. Thank you again, your review is very much apprecaited. ^^

Very breathy, very airy. I like it.

megefford wrote:Very breathy, very airy. I like it.

Thank you, I am glad you enjoyed reading this. your review is very much appreciated ^^

I like this. The way you worded it was nice. As someone said before me, the ye's were confusing at first, but then I realized it was old english. I like it, it adds a sense of...i don't know, it just works. Great job.

emmylou1995 wrote:I like this. The way you worded it was nice. As someone said before me, the ye's were confusing at first, but then I realized it was old english. I like it, it adds a sense of...i don't know, it just works. Great job.

Yea they add a little truth and essence of english, don't they ^^. I am glad you liked it, your review is really appreciated.