just random words(:

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Dalliance
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Mon May 24, 2010 5:48 am
Dalliance says... · Mon May 24, 2010 5:48 am
and just when you thought it was okay, the light strikes and then goes out. Once again you're plunged into darkness;

-Dalliance
The fluorescent moon leads us to another world; She tells us there are such things as forever; And looking at you, I believe it.
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Snoink
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Mon May 24, 2010 5:51 am
Snoink says... · Mon May 24, 2010 5:51 am
Hey Dalliance! Welcome to YWS! :D

A very quick work that you've done, so this is going to be a very quick critique. ;) The main thing is that the "light strikes" doesn't really have too much of an image... what kind of a light? I'm assuming it's a match, but it could be lightning. So I would definitely say what kind of light this is so that it has more power in the description!

Still, neat idea! You should probably look into writing poetry. :)
Ubi caritas est vera, Deus ibi est.

"The mark of your ignorance is the depth of your belief in injustice and tragedy. What the caterpillar calls the end of the world, the Master calls the butterfly." ~ Richard Bach

Moth and Myth <- My comic! :D
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Auteur
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Mon May 24, 2010 5:59 am
Auteur says... · Mon May 24, 2010 5:59 am
Bonjour Dalliance, d'une part, les capitales utiliser pour vos commandes. Cela peut sembler assez d'avoir tout en minuscules, mais il ya des tas de ballots de ponctuation ici et ils pourraient obtenir aggro à vous d'être nouvelle et naïf. Blagues. Bienvenue à YWS par la voie!
Most people see what is and never what can be. - Albert Einstein
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