Young Writers Society

Detective: Princeton, that is I who certainly appreciates this splendid invite to the Courthouse of L'adoure.
Samuel: Why, then, come in! Come in, detective!!
Detective: Thank you, Sir Samuel.
Lady Perincea: Good evening, s'our Prince'tin.
Detective: And good evening to you, my fair lady.
Lady Perincea: (giggling) Ya, Ya, s'our Prince'tin!
4 Ladies arrive to wait on Perincea........
Detective: Were you close to Barothlemewconsaido?
Lady Perincea: Not very. Barothlemewconsaido was very seri-oui. Oh, he was not loved that much by moui, but I was loved by him. He loved moui, but never had any courage. Ha! Ridicul-oui Barothlemewconsaido! But, my maiden, Lady Souria-oui knew him much.
Detective: Thank you, Lady Perincea. See you at the garden.
Lady Perincea leaves with 3 Ladies.
Lady Souriaous: Yes?
Detective: You don't like Perincea?
Lady Souriaous: I like her, but she's all ugh..................
Detective: Ah, I see, Souriaous. So, how did you know Barothlemewconsaido?
Lady Souriaous: He's my best friend, and yea, he loved Perincea. But he just stuck with being quiert, you know? He's just like that..... Boys. (snorts)
Detective: You don't sound like a Lady of Perincea.
Lady Souriaous: Of course I don't. I'm a teenager just waiting to be a queen. Jeeze, do people still think like that? I mean, Barothlemewconsaido didn't act THAT princely. I mean, he was princely around Perincea, but just normal around me. We're best friends, you know.
Detective: Queen?
Lady Souriaous: Yea, I was chosen over Perincea. Why? Because they wanted a not-so-snobby teen to be queen. So, I have to serve Perincea until I become Queen. I wanted to marry Barothlemewconsaido, but then he went missing so I've been thinking of others.......... like Sir Samuel or Sir Alomanhiochicalousa.
Detective: Why them?
Lady Souriaous: Samuel because he's my other best friend. Alomanhiochicalousa because he just is really sweet and always wanted to marry me, you know?
Detective: Were any of them jealouse of Barothlemewconsaido being your BEST friend?
Lady Souriaous: Alomanhiochicalousa. He's just really into marrying me. And I'm like not yet. Not yet, bozo. Cause I mean you'll find Barothlemewconsaido, right? Of course you will.
Detective: Thank you, Souriaous.

Alomanhiochicalousa: Hi, Princeton. How's the investigation going?
Detective: Good. But did you ever want to marry Souriaous?
Alomanhiochicalousa: Forever! I mean, she's so amazing, like in so many different ways. But I'm pretty happy Barothlemewconsaido went missing because now I can try to kiss her. She's just like so beautiful. And she's considering ME! Finally!!!
Detective: I see........
Alomanhiochicalousa: So...... like I am so proud of Tristin because I mean she's like a good person cause she did a LOT. She is just so sweet and nice to everyone...... So...... soon I'll marry Souriaous...... and after that.... maybe you'll find Barothlemewconsaido and he can marry Perincea!!!!! HAPPILY EVER AFTER!!!!!
Detective: Tristin? Who’s that?
Alomanhiochicalousa: Tristin is my ex- girlfriend, but we're still friends. I mean she LOVED Samuel so much, so she made this awesome plan. Like hide Barothlemewconsaido and make this HUGE chain stuff, whatever. I'm not into science as much as she is.

Detective: Lady Tristin?
Tristin: I'm not a Lady, Princeton. I'm just a Maiden. What are you doing here?
Detective: I heard that you were the top suspect?? From what Alomanhiochicalousa told me.
Tristin: Alomanhiochicalousa, that chatterbox. I hate him so much, the stupid kid.
Detective: Stupid, you say?
Tristin: Yeah, stupid! Now I have to go to jail and blab la bla. But Alomanhiochicalousa decided to help ya know? So I want HIM in jail too, the stupid kid.
Detective: Yes, Alomanhiochicalousa will certainly be going to jail.
Tristin: Ugh, he asked for it.
Detective: But didn’t you want to make the plan because you liked Samuel?
Tristin: Samuel?! Why would I like him?! He’s such a show off anyways.
Detective: So you just decided to do it for Alomanhiochicalousa?
Tristin: Certainly, I love him.
Detective: You, you LOVE HIM?! Then, whatever happened to Sam- Oh, I see.
Tristin: Yes, and I want him to still love me.
Detective: And he will, once you bring back Barothlemewconsaido.
Tristin: I will.

Souriaous: Barothlemewconsaido!
Barothlemewconsaido: Dear Souriaous! Oh please will you marry me? I’ve been so horrid……..
Souriaous: Of course, I will, my love!
And they lived happily ever after.
THE END.

Before my review, I see you are new to YWS. Welcome! I hope you enjoy the site as much as I have.
First comment: I think you should find easier names. The name Barothlemewconsaido was just too long, and it was distracting. Same with Alomanhiochicalousa. I mean, I couldn't even read the whole name... Also, I was confused about the setting. The character names and the mention of queen and lady and all that made it sound like midevil times. However, in the dialouge your characters sounded like modern day teens. Except, even though they sounded to me like middle schoolers they all fell in love and got married in the end. So, think about fixing the way your characters interact with the time period and setting. The end was also very abrupt. And finally, you should add different acts or scenes, because I could never tell who was were or what they were doing. The detective would be talking to someone and all of a sudden a new conversation would start between two other people. Finally, the first sentence made no sense to me. Other than that, you had a good plot and it was a pretty good script. Keep writing!

Sorry, I'm really young here. and I really just wanted to post something right away. SORRY!!!!!!!!!!

No, it was good. And feel free to post as much as you like. I'm sorry if my review was harsh... Seriously though, keep writing, and when people tell you what they don't like about your writing, just shrug it off and find a way to fix whatever needed fixing.