Young Writers Society

Act I, Scene 1

SCENE 2

(Same apartment, 11 days before DAVID'S suicide. Scene opens with DAVID exiting his bedroom, still in pajamas. He goes to get a cup of coffee when he hears a knock on the door. He opens the door to find the LANDLORD.)

DAVID
Can I help you?

LANDLORD
Hello, David. Can I come in?

DAVID
Uh, sure, I guess.

(LANDLORD enters and looks around.)

So... what can I do for you?

LANDLORD
I got your letter. Pretty classy, quite entertaining. And since you'll soon be vacating your apartment, I thought I'd get to work on my inspections, as per the rental contract that you signed. You know, making sure there are no unnecessary holes in the wall, you didn't change the wall color, and so on.

DAVID
Well, I'm glad you enjoyed it, I guess. I haven't actually started selling anything or packing anything away, so right now might not be the best time for an inspection.

LANDLORD
Yeah, I guess so. I'll just take a quick sweep though, so I can kind of see what I should be looking for.

DAVID
Yeah, okay, I guess that's up to you.

LANDLORD
Also, I should mention that your intent to vacate is a little... unorthodox. Most people send in their intent a few months in advance, and they usually wait until they're closer to the end of their lease. But hey, times are rough, and sometimes we have to make tough decisions, right?

DAVID
Absolutely.

LANDLORD
Unfortunately, I can't make special exemptions for suicide, so there are a couple of things I have to tell you to make things legal.

DAVID
Okay?

LANDLORD
First, do you know how you're going to kill yourself yet?

DAVID
I haven't really thought of it yet.

LANDLORD
Well, for insurance purposes, I'm going to tell you to not jump off the building. If you break your neck and kill yourself, congratulations, but there's also the chance that your family will sue the complex for not having anything in place to prevent it, which could bankrupt me.

DAVID
Okay, so no jumping off the building.

LANDLORD
Also, if you're going to kill yourself in your apartment, try not to make it messy. Do you know how much it costs to hire someone to remove blood stains from the walls and carpet?

DAVID
I can't say that I do.

LANDLORD
Lemme tell you, it's a lot more money than I'm willing to spend on you. Be considerate, do it somewhere else, or lay down a tarp or something. Some sort of cover that can be rolled up and disposed of with little mess.

DAVID
Alright, I think I can do that. (Pause.) Just out of curiosity, how many times have you had to hire someone to remove blood stains in apartments.

The LANDLORD stares at DAVID, debating whether to disclose that information.

LANDLORD
To recap: don't jump off the building, try to keep it clean, and make sure to do it when I'm not around. It's a P.R. nightmare already that I'm aware of it. I shredded your letter already, since that could be used as evidence, and I'm going to try and be out of town for the couple of days around that Saturday that you're going to kill yourself.

DAVID
Really? Where are you going to be?

LANDLORD
(Suspiciously)
A landlord convention.

DAVID starts to ask a question, then thinks better of it.

DAVID
Landlord convention. Have fun.

LANDLORD
I will.

DAVID
Okay then.

LANDLORD
Alright.

DAVID
(Pause.)
Is there anything else I need to know?

LANDLORD
Yes. You realize there are still four months left in your lease, right?

DAVID
I realize that now.

LANDLORD
Well, once again, I can't legally make exceptions. I appreciate you, David. You pay your rent on time. You don't cause any trouble. However, you still have to pay your rent through the end of your lease.

DAVID
Really?

LANDLORD
Yes. Really.

DAVID
Wow.

LANDLORD
Yeah, I wish there was more I could do about it, but you still have to pay $500 a month for the next four months.

DAVID
Well, I guess I'll have to make arrangements then.

LANDLORD
Yes, you will.

(The LANDLORD crosses toward the door.)

Like I said, David, I enjoy you. You're a good guy, and it's a shame to see you go. But if this is what you feel you have to do, then I hope it's quick.

DAVID
Thanks. I think.

LANDLORD
Have a nice day.

DAVID
You too.

The LANDLORD exits. DAVID, confused, takes a seat on the couch. After a moment, there is a knock on the door. DAVID crosses to open the door, and finds his MOM and DAD. DAD is a stoic elderly man, and MOM is crying hysterically, rushing into the room to embrace DAVID in a hug.

MOM
Oh David! How could you do this to us?!

As MOM goes to embrace DAVID, her sadness suddenly turns to anger, and she starts beating on DAVID.

DAVID
Mom! Get off of me!

MOM
Why are you doing this?! Are you okay? Are you thinking rationally? You need help! Come home we'll help you out!

DAVID
Mom, stop. Sit down.

MOM
How can I sit down when my little boy is going to kill himself?!

DAVID
Dad? Can you help?

DAD
Nope.

DAVID
Why not?

DAD
She's been like that since she read the letter. It's out of my hands.

DAVID
Great.

(DAVID struggles to get his MOM to sit down. MOM continues to struggle and flail.)

Mom, do you want some water?

(MOM struggles.)

Milk?

(MOM screams.)

A two-by-four across the face?

MOM stops flailing.

MOM
Don't talk to your mother like that.

DAVID
Sorry. How about some coffee, then?

MOM
I would like that, yes.

DAVID gets his MOM a cup of coffee, while MOM quietly stews.

DAVID
Now, what's going on?

MOM
I don't know. I got your letter the other day, and I read it, and I may have over-reacted a little bit. I just knew that I had to come see you and make sure that you're all right.

DAVID
I'm fine, Mom. Really.

MOM
Then why do you want to kill yourself?

DAVID
Because there's nothing left for me, Mom.

MOM
What do you mean?

DAVID
Well, I guess I mean that I feel like I've done all I can do right now. It's too late for me to try and start over this late in life, and I'd rather not be a waste of time and resources.

MOM
But you've always been really good at a lot of things! Why don't you just find something else you're good at?

DAVID
All I've ever been good at is business, but even so, I still lost a business.

MOM
You know, your father lost his business, too. But he still turned out okay.

DAVID
Mom, he sold his business and retired early. Mine burned to the ground.

MOM
Oh. Yeah, I guess that's a bit different. But it's just so sad.

DAVID
What's sad about it?

MOM
I've known you since you were born! It's disheartening to see someone grow up in front of your eyes and to know that they're going to die.

DAVID
Would you prefer if I didn't tell you?

MOM
I would prefer that you didn't do it! You have me all wistful and nostalgic! I didn't want to do that until I was on my deathbed! Instead, I'm sitting on this smelly couch in a tiny apartment, drinking watery, bland coffee, trying to make my son realize that his life is worth living!

DAVID
You're off to a great start.

MOM
(Calmer)
I remember your first steps. You were almost a year old, and you managed to prop yourself up on the coffee table, and you took a few wobbly steps. Your dad and I were so proud of you, weren't we, dear?

DAD
Yep.

MOM
Oh, and your first words were hilarious! We had been trying so hard to get you to say anything while we were at home--Mama, Dada, Cookie--but you just wouldn't have it, and we were getting so frustrated. But then, one day when we were in church, you were so fidgety, and you were cooing and squealing the whole service. And finally, when everyone was silent during the prayers, you let out a huge "God dammit!" Oh, my, it's funny now, but I was so embarrassed at the time, wasn't I, hun?

DAD
Uh-huh.

DAVID
Look, this is great mom, but I--

MOM
Oh, and your first date! Do you remember that, David?

DAVID
(Suddenly embarrassed)
Oh, God...

MOM
You looked so good in your little suit, with the white pants, dark green shirt and brown sports jacket. And then that girl came over... what was her name again?

DAVID
Kate.

MOM
Oh yeah, Kate. And she looked really cute in her little black dress. You two were so adorable! And I remember you were getting really nervous, absolutely shaking from fear--

DAVID
Mom, you don't need to--

MOM
(Beginning to laugh)
And we were going to take your picture, and just after we took it, we noticed this funny smell--

DAVID
Mom, please--

MOM
(Laughing harder)
And when you turned around, everyone could see this enormous brown streak running down the back of your white pants! Oh, goodness, it was hilarious, wasn't it, babe?

DAD
Yep.

DAVID
No it wasn't--

MOM
(Laughing harder)
And you turned bright red and ran up to your room. I don't know if you ever came back down. I was laughing so hard that I had to run to the kitchen in order to not embarrass myself.

DAVID
Mom!

MOM's laughter turns to crying.

MOM
Excuse me a moment, I'm going to go freshen up.

MOM exits to the bathroom. DAVID is left in the living room with his DAD. Tension grows in the room as both men want to say something to the other, but either don't know what to say, or don't know how to say it.

DAVID
(Clears throat.)
So, Dad.

DAD
Yes?

DAVID
Uh... obviously, we see how Mom feels about this.

DAD
Yep.

DAVID
How... how are you handling this?

DAD
Fine. You?

DAVID
Never better. (Pause.) You don't think I'm being too irrational, do you?

DAD
Nope.

DAVID
Okay.

DAD
I mean, if you took the time to draft a letter, you must be pretty serious about it.

DAVID
Yeah, I guess I am.

(Long pause.)

Do you have any, uh, parting words, I guess?

DAD
Nope.

DAVID
Okay then.

DAVID and his DAD sit next to each other, tension growing.

DAD
Well, I guess I do.

DAVID
Really?

DAD
However you decide to kill yourself, make it quick. You see how your mom is reacting right now?

DAVID
Yeah?

DAD
She'll be devastated if she found out that you suffered at all. For the sake of my sanity, make it as quick and painless as possible, okay?

DAVID
Yeah, I guess I can try.

DAD
Your mom loves you a lot, David. Loves you like you wouldn't believe.

DAVID
And you?

DAD
(Confused)
And me what?

DAVID
What about you?

Dad
(Realizing)
Oh, well... You're a great kid. The best son a man could ask for.

DAVID
And?

DAD
And... I'm really going to miss you when you're gone.

DAVID
And?

DAD
(Struggling)
And... I guess... I, uh...

MOM comes out of the bathroom, holding back tears.

MOM
Well, I suppose we should go before I make a fool of myself. I called up your sister to tell her, and she became hysterical. She kept wailing and saying, "That's so hilarious," but I know deep down, she's really hurting. (To DAD) Come on, dear. (To DAVID) It was nice to see you, David.


DAVID
Yeah, thanks for coming over.

MOM and DAD exit. DAVID stands in the middle of the room, trying to process the start of his day. Confused, he exits into the bedroom.

I enjoyed this. In fact, at times, I felt like I was actually watching it acted out on stage and I was laughing to myself and the little jokes and heavy irony. It's quick, witty, dark and humorous. So, you're heading in the right direction.

That being said, I enjoyed the first part with the landlord much more than the part with the parents. Oh, and by the way, I have read the first part, but didn't have anything to say about it. So. The first part was funny, and most of all, delicious to read. This is the kind of scene that will engage an audience and hold their attention.

However, the part with the parents I wasn't so hot on. The weepy mother was really the part that ruined it for me. For one, David isn't dead yet. I don't think she should be so completely heartbroken yet. I would personally take a more extremely concerned approach with her. I did, however, enjoy the few lines the dad had, because it was awkward and showed us David/Dad's relationship with each other. The mother, on the other hand, was hugely cliché and I would recommend you take a different approach with her. She seems too fake to be an actual character.

I will be on the lookout for the next part, though. I think this could be something really good, especially if David learns to accept the fact that he's not worthless and can contribute to the society. In my opinion, if he does end up killing himself, the value of this play would decrease tremendously.

-Jared

Thanks, Jared. Made a few quick edits.

Alright, so,
Contradictions in a play are tricky things. All of these contradictions you have, however, are pure awesome. I love the dramatic difference between the mother and the landlord (Landlord convention? Is there such a thing?), with the dad almost perfectly in the middle. I almost wished you had actually introduced his sister, though, it would have made for another contradiction, with her probably teasing David a lot.
You have a little quirky way to the way you write, and it really ties off the dark humor to the play

~Wickedwonder

I'm here again!

So this part right here amused me:

I've known you since you were born!

It's interesting because it's his mother that says this. It's as if an alien found her and is now piloting her hollowed-out body, just because it's such an... alien thing to say, it's something that would be said by a someone who only knows about mother/child relationships from reading books about it. There's so much more to it than knowing the child since he/she was born.

Other than this, not much else to say about this scene. The landlord cracked me right up. He takes such a business-like attitude to this suicide, it's hilarious. And need I even mention the Landlord Convention? Heh. However, he also adds a tiny grain of seriousness to the story by refusing to answer David his question on the subject of the number of suicides in this particular apartment complex. Kind of made me think of these numerous Davids performing various feats of suicide at various points in time and making life generally difficult for the landlord. It's no surprise, then, that he takes this casually annoyed attitude towards David's decision.

The Dad was actually a lot more believable than the Mom (for the reasons outlined in paragraph one). His aloof attitude towards his son is quite relatable. However, my suspension of disbelief was tugged a little bit when David started fishing for compliments from his dad. It's a difficult thing to get a parent to say what they really think of you, especially if it's your dad. That David managed to do it suggests that he isn't a loser and has at least a bit of character in him, which further suggests that he wouldn't consider suicide as his only option. Just me, however.

Anyway, that's that-- onto the next scene.

Your landlord,
cC