Young Writers Society

A/N: This was originally going to be a short story, but the dialogue kind of took over and I decided it'd make a better script than short story. This is my first not completely ridiculous script, and I'm not even sure if I'm formatting things right or anything, or how good this is. So any feedback is welcome. Also, I'm trying to decide if I should continue on with this, like make it into an actual story, or just keep it as is. Thanks for taking a look.

CAST:
Mearianne O'Donnel
Leslie Bernard

SETTING: A dimly lit bar in the middle of a large city.

MEARIANNE: *stirs a drink, then sets her right arm on the counter and lays her head on it*

LESLIE: *tromps across the room to MEARIANNE* How’s life treating you, bitch?

MEARIANNE: *lifts her head and sees LESLIE, and drops her head back down*

LESLIE: Get up, darling, we have a plane to catch.

MEARIANNE: *not looking up* What the hell are you on about, Lel?

LESLIE: Just what I’ve said; we have a plane to catch. Now come on, I’ve already packed you a bag and there’s a taxi waiting for us outside this trash heap. *takes MEARIANNE'S arm and starts to drag her to her feet, but MEARIANNE jerks away*

MEARIANNE: *irritated* I’m not going another damn place with you, Lel, and you’re a fool if you think otherwise.

LESLIE: So, what are you going to do then, stay here, drink the night away, drown in your own pathetic sorrows? Take a couple shots of something illegal, and maybe, if you find the courage, hop a rail ten stories up? Face it, either you come with me or you wait and watch as your life falls away. You got nothing.

MEARIANNE: *glares* Ever think you’re the reason I’ve fallen so low? I was bloody fine before you came along and tore me apart.

LESLIE: *expression unchanging* I realize my actions have a piece in all of this, and I’ve come to terms with it. Now, you have to come to terms with your part.

MEARIANNE: *yelling* Maybe I don’t want to come to terms with it, ever think of that? *lowers voice* Maybe I’m done with all the last-minute schemes to keep us afloat for a few months longer. Maybe I just want it all to be done with. What do you say to that?

LESLIE: I say, come with me.

MEARIANNE: And do what, exactly?

LESLIE: Run away.

MEARIANNE: *blinks* Run away?

LESLIE: Yes, run away. Start over. Live new lives. People do it all the time. Look, I know it sounds like a long shot, but I’ve got relatives up in Minnesota. We can get some fake I.D.s and stay with them until we’ve stored up enough money to get a place of our own. It’ll work out brilliantly.

MEARIANNE: Brilliantly, you say? And what happens when all the people we owe realize they’ve been outed, and come after us?

LESLIE: *matter-of-factly* They'll never find us.

MEARIANNE: How can you be so sure?

LESLIE: I haven’t had contact with my relatives in ages, I don’t even share a last name with them. No one in their right mind would think to look for us there. And anyway, we won’t stay there for long. As soon as we can, we’ll move to some far off place like Hawaii or London or something. Trust me, Mear, it’ll work.

MEARIANNE: That’s what you said about everything, every step of the way. Why should I believe you now?

LESLIE: Because you have no other options. What do you expect to do with your life, work yourself to the bone trying to stay out of jail? Face it, you have to trust me. If you don’t, you’re screwed.

MEARIANNE: I'm already screwed, Lel, and you know it.

LESLIE: And I’m trying to fix it. Now come on, stop being so stubborn.

MEARIANNE: And you feel good about this, running away from your responsibilities, from the people you’re in debt to?

LESLIE: I feel good about doing what I’ve been doing all along; keeping us both out of the gutters. *checks watch* Mear, the plane leaves in an hour. I’m not going without you. Are you or aren’t you coming?

MEARIANNE: *downs the rest of her drinks and sighs* Yeah, Lel, I'm coming.

Hi ultraviolet, this isn't going to be too long because it is late and I don't usually don't review scripts. But because you are forcing me to write it I guess I have to.

O.K. I really like it. The beginning was good, because you obviously got right into the story and more importantly the characters. I already feel as if I know Leslie, her character is very strong. But I am kind of confused about Mear. She is obviously sad about her life, and in the dumps. She seems to hate Leslie, just because she is a part of her life, so why would she give in so quickly. I feel as if she really felt strongly about not going with Leslie, but by the end she seems not to care about anything.

This left her seeming kind of bland, and a little bit all over the place. I am being a bit nitpicky, but this is pretty short and I don't have a ton to say. XD Besides that I really need to read more to give you my true opinion. But this is a strong beginning, and I am interested.

Twitchy

I knew I was going to love this as soon as I read Leslie's first line.

I suppose the only thing to comment on here is your use of dialogue - which was good, by the way - in terms of what's being said. Personally, I feel you spent a bit too much time expressing just how screwed Mearianne is. With so much unexplained, you might want to replace some of her "I'm done for" dialog with a bit of unambiguous information. (But only if that made any sense to you...)

I do have something to say about the characters. It seems as though you wanted Mearianne to be the central character in this script, but Leslie is the character with a strong, full personality. (I'm not the only one that noticed this, apparently...)

I'd be interested to see where you take this. A small word of warning: The way you began this leaves us with many unanswered questions. If you do decide to continue it, make sure you don't bog down your progressive, intriguing dialog with a bunch of backstory.

I'm not a scriptwriter myself (is that what it's even called?) but I did like this. I know it's hard to drive a story using only dialog, so good job with that.