Young Writers Society

Fourteen year old Anita has gone through a bit in life, and life for her as an ordinary, literature-nerd teenager, she becomes faced with more interruptions. This is the first part what I've written so far...

Scene 1

(In a reception classroom, six young children are surrounding a teacher with books in their hands)

Teacher: Alicia, do you want to read next?
Alicia: (shakes head shyly)
Anita: I'll do it, Miss! (waves her hands in the air)
Teacher: Alright, Anita.
Anita: They lived happ-ppily... happ-ly ever after.
Teacher: Well done! Reading group, we have just read our first book!
Anita: What's the next one?
Teacher: (sighs) Unfortunately, we can not carry on this club any longer, it's not popular enough to carry on after school anymore guys, sorry.
Anita: (looks down, sad)

Scene 2

(Anita and mum, Helen holding hands walking through the market in Ashford, Staines)
(Old bearded man approaches them)

Man: Would you like to buy some books?
Helen: No thanks. (begins to walk away)
Anita: (remains still and grabs hold to Helen) Mum. Please can I have a book? (looks up at her)
Helen: These are adult books, Anita. I know you want to carry on reading but-
Man: This book (holds up brown book as thick as Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows) is perfect for you.
Anita: (grabs the book and stares) Wow... Please mum?
Helen: Is it really that special, for ten pounds?!
Man: (approaches Helen, looks deeply into her eyes) Definitely.
Helen: (gives tenner to man)

Scene 3

(Ten years later. alarm rings 7:45, Anita slams it quiet and gets out of bed. In the bathroom combing her hair, putting it into plaits, taking it out, then puts it in a headband and takes it out, then she puts it up in a ponytail and smiles. She hops out of the bathroom struggling to put her left sock on. Mum walks into her room)

Mum: I hope you know what day it is!
Anita: You go out with a guy after... six months?
Mum: Mhm, a hot man!
Anita: Well, they are preferably favoured. Do you know his name?
Mum: (pauses) I wanna say Boris...
Anita: Oh! Charming!
Mum: (laughs) Nah, I think his name is Matt.
Anita: What does he do again?
Mum: I think he works with children...
Anita: Mum, to be honest you sound a bit desperate. You sent him a message as soon as you saw his picture on Match.com...
Mum: The context is a little bit more than that.
Anita: Alright then... does that mean I have to cook for myself?
Mum: Yeah, just reheat the pasta we had last night.
Anita: Sure... (has a flashback of last night):

Mum: Mmmmmmm (eats pasta)
Anita: Mmmm... (puts in bin next to her)

(Returns back to her)
(Anita looks at her watch and is shocked)

Anita! Shit! Mum we need to go!
Mum: Oh! Okay hold on! (applies lipstick)
Anita: (gets her schoolbag and puts Shakespeare books in it, then outs it on her shoulder and brings out perfume) Mum, look at me!
Mum: (turns around to face her and poses to get sprayed) Go.
Anita: (sprays) Now let's go!

Scene 4

(Car parks outside Woodbury Secondary School and stops, Mum and Anita are inside)

Anita: Cheers Mum. (unclips belt and opens the door)
Mum: Wish me luck!
Anita: Okay... don't open any umbrellas inside. (leaves the car)
Mum: (smiles and drives off)

(Anita sees he best friends Holly and Sarah leaning against the school brick wall, Holly is listening to music and Sarah is reading Wideacre)
Anita: Hey guys!
Sarah: Hey Anita! (hugs her) Have you done the English homework?
Anita: Of course... (pulls out earplug out of Holly's ear in order to distract her to look up)
Holly: (looks up) Oh hey! (hugs) Apparently we have a new English teacher.
Anita: What? I loved Miss June!
Sarah: She was caught drinking in the toilets.
Anita: (bites lip) I told you she took her wedding ring off! Ah well, maybe this one will be better.
Holly: Apparently he is not even from England.
Anita: Hmm.... this will be interesting...
(School bell rings)
Sarah: Oh great. School.

(They walk inside the school and go into their tutorial classrooms)

Anita: (brings out Romeo and Juliet book)
Holly: Again? I swear you have read that book three time already.
Anita: I want to find their true meaning of love... and I know you are keeping count. You have read the book fifteen times!
Sarah: Well Holly, you really like the competition.
Anita: (sighs) Ugh, Shakespeare just has a way with words that really touches the heart...
Sarah: Or confusing your brain.
Holly: Shut up, Anthony Horowitz!
Sarah: You're just jealous that he can actually write a thrill.
Anita: Hello? C.S Lewis?
Holly: He was alright, but why does Lucy decide to walk into a wardrobe?
Anita: Why do you decide to walk into lampposts?
Holly: (gives Anita evils)
(School bell rings)
Anita: (marks page and puts the book back into her bag) Ah, English next. If this teacher is not good enough I will complain.
Sarah: I think everyone will, I feel sorry for the guy already...

(All of them walk into their English classroom)
(Anita sits on a single table while Holly and Sarah sit behind her)

Anita: (turns to her friends) Looks like Dave's not in today, I can't debate about footballer's wages now!
Holly: Looks like the teacher isn't here either.
Anita: Give him some time...

(Boy Kyle walks up to them)

Kyle: Alright geeks?
Anita: Fuck off, Kyle.
(Kyle walks off laughing)
Sarah: One day I will strangle him.
Anita: You better.

(Turns around, just as she does, the teacher comes through the door ((Bradley Cooper)) with overpowering sexiness)

Anita: (gasps) Oh-my-God...
Matt: Morning class. My name is Mr Evans and I am your new teacher. Today I just want to introduce myself to you and get to know you more as a class. So, I'm up for questions.

(Silence, most class girls mesmerized)

(Holly's hand reaches up slowly)

Matt: yes young lady, what is your name?
Holly: Er... Holly, Sir.
(Anita and Sarah turn to her)
Matt: Nice to meet you Holly, now what did you want to ask?
Holly: Are you from America?
Anita: (rolls eyes and smiles)

Cool, I love things about school. Great dialogue, realistic and effective. I hope you carry on with it.

Hey!

Okay, I'm first going to warn you that this is my first script review and that honestly, I have no interest in reading scripts so this is uncharted territory for me and I may be a bit harsh.

Scene 1
First of all, what a tedious and uninteresting opening! It's very sudden and doesn't drag me into the story whatsoever. I mean, it's just not an opening! It's also much too short to even have TIME to grab my interest. If this were made into a play, and they just opened with these kids we know nothing about, in a mundane classroom that's entirely uninteresting, I would leave the auditorium before the first five minutes were up.
I also think this first scene is much too short. It's not an intro at all! It's over much too quickly, and I really doubt the teacher would just be all, "Okay lets read!. . .Sorry guys, we're being cut." Now, if you opened the script with the teacher explaining why they couldn't continue the club anymore, that would be a bit more interesting. It'd also give you a chance to develop your characters more, instead of making us readers dive headfirst into a story world about characters we know absolutely nothing about.

Scene 2

Again, a completely random and nonchalant activity. I don't know about you, but I certainly would be put to sleep watching something about this boring teenage girl who likes to read. The storyline is almost nonexistant. I see that you're trying to put a double meaning behind the book being so special, but in all honesty the first time I read this I completely missed that bit. It's so small of a tip that it doesn't dent my uninterested opinion at all. And I don't understand how this random club has anything to do with this special book.

Scene 3

I'll admit it unshamefully, this scene made me giggle. The dialogue is humorous. I like that.
Oh, and I'm pretty sure that "Mum" is also Helen. Don't change the name in your writing, it only causes confusion, so either change the name in scene 2 to "Mum" or change "Mum" to Helen.

Scene 4

Okay I could be completely wrong because I'm an American, but I'm pretty sure Secondary School is for kids from like 13-18, but you said that your MC was now 24. (At the beginning you stated she was 14, and then ten years later..)


Well, overall, it needs a lot of work, but it made me laugh, and that's a very good thing.

Let me know if you need something else! Sorry if I was a bit harsh.

~BTM

the explanation was for the future, when she joined that club she was 4 at the time, cheers.

Love it! I love that, but have you considered not cussing?