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Young Writers Society


Atomization (Part Three)



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Sun Aug 08, 2010 11:54 pm
Vasticity says...



INT. NATHANIEL'S BEDROOM-Day

Nathaniel is sitting on his bed, reading the manual closely.

ALAN (V.O.)
Now, before this book ends, I'd like to bring a few things to your attention. Number one--This is the type of thing you can't run on your own. You'll need a group of, say, four or five people if you plan to use it often. Number Two--Since I am not able to work out all the bugs in my time here, there's one particular thing that is very wrong with the machine. Since it was built 19 years ago, it gets overloaded very easily. You actually can't stay inside MR for more than 15 minutes at a time, usually. Sometimes, if you give the machine a break for a few weeks, it can run about 10 minutes more than usual. Number Three--Get to know your movies. Sometimes, in order to get to a place you need to be, you have to learn how two places connect with each-other. Number four--Things that are irrelevant, while you're inside, do not exist. Say there's a door, and it has not been opened in the movie. That door, if opened, will not lead to anything. Just infinite nothingness. If you need to get to a location that's in a different scene, you'll just have to wait until that scene is established. Number five--The machine works both ways. If you bring something out with you when you're exported, it becomes tangible in the real world. And be cautious. If a character from a movie gets out with, somehow, he will be free to make his own thoughts and actions, but the personality will remain. So, if he's a villain... you get the idea. Well, that's all that I can tell you for now. I hope you can now understand how the machine works, and how you can use it. Good luck, Nathaniel. I love you. --Alan.


Nathaniel sets the book down, and rubs his eyes. He sighs, and looks at his watch. It reads: '6:23 PM.' Nathaniel lowers his hand onto the bed.

NATHANIEL
Oh my god. That was a long book.


Nathaniel looks at the book, still open. He looks at the text that reads, 'Anything that you bring out with you when you're exported becomes tangible in the real world.'

NATHANIEL
Anything.

INT. NATHANIEL'S KITCHEN-Day

Nathaniel comes down the steps to his kitchen. He stops at the foot of the stairs, and yawns while stretching. He opens the fridge, and pulls out a soda. Shutting the door, he walks over to the door that leads outside, grabs a key-chain hanging on a hook next to the door, puts the chain into his pocket, and walks outside, drinking his soda.

INT. POSTAL OFFICE-Day

Through the glass door leading into the post office, We can see Nathaniel walking up to the door. He stops and throws his empty soda can into the trash, and walks up to the door, opening it. As the door swings shut, Nathaniel walks inside, pulling out his keys. He walks over to the other side of the room, puts the key into the lock, turns it, and opens the P.O. Box.He pulls out 6 letters, closes the box, and walks to the desk on the other side of the building. Looking through the letters, he sees that they all read, 'PAST DUE NOTICE.' He puts his face into his hands and rubs his eyes.

NATHANIEL
(Sighing)
God damn it.


Nathaniel picks up the letters, puts them under his shoulder, and walks out of the building.
And the angel said unto him, “stop hitting yourself, stop hitting yourself.” But lo, he could not stop, for the angel was hitting him with his own hands.
  





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Mon Aug 09, 2010 12:00 am
SisterItaly says...



YAY part three is up! I love it vas! Keep writing it I want to see part four. *gosh darn it you got me hooked!*
"Even in the end --even in death-- I can't hate you." - Neri Hereford's last words.

"The Gods demand blood, for they... do not bleed." Jaska.

The Book.
  





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Sun Aug 15, 2010 9:08 pm
BondGirl007 says...



So a quick tip on this one, read over it again, you use a lot of words quite often, and very close together. Like this
Nathaniel sets the book down, and rubs his eyes. He sighs, and looks at his watch. It reads: '6:23 PM.' Nathaniel lowers his hand onto the bed.


NATHANIEL

Oh my god. That was a long book.



Nathaniel looks at the book, still open. He looks at the text that reads, 'Anything that you bring out with you when you're exported becomes tangible in the real world.'
Also I think since it's more of a journal than a novel type thing, I don't hink he would call it a book. Try something like "Oh my god, that took forever to read...Alan and his love for words." Spice it up a little! Anyway I'm interested to see the rest of this! Moving on to the next part! Good luck and keep writing!

~Hope
"I'd rather be hated for being who I am, then loved for who I'm not."
  








There is nothing more radical or counter-cultural, at the moment, than laying down one’s cynicism in favour of tender vulnerability.
— John Green