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Between- The entire Pilot episode



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Wed Aug 04, 2010 1:18 pm
RoryLegend says...



Okie dokie, here is the whole, entire first episode! I've edited twice but I know it can be edited more and more so help me out guys! I'd really appreciate it!
Thanks!

"BETWEEN"

TEASER

OVER BLACK --

MARTIN, INDIANA 1990

INT. CALEB'S HOME - NIGHT

A small farm, home to a family of three, HARRY, LILLY, and CALEB SAMUELSON.

In the kitchen Lilly is finishing up the dishes before going to bed.

Harry comes in from a long day of working on the farm and gives his wife a kiss.


HARRY
Why don't you let me finish this up and you go to bed?

LILLY
You're just trying to butter me up.

HARRY
Maybe I am.

Harry takes the dish from Lilly and finishes drying it.

Lilly starts to walk up the stairs then stops and turns.


LILLY
CALEB and PETE are asleep so be quiet when you come up.

HARRY
Alright honey, be up in a second.

Harry continues doing the dishes while Lilly goes upstairs, her feet dragging from the long day.

Harry pulls a knife out of the sink and washes and dries it. He goes to put it away but then a breeze slides through the open window, and then very subtle, something flashes in his eyes.

He drops the dish towel and grasps the knife savagely.

He stands at the bottom of the stairs, his eyes are glossy and cold. He stares blankly up the stairway then takes the first step up.


INT. CALEB'S ROOM - CONTINUOUS

The bedroom is dark, save for one plug in night light illuminating a home made tent. Inside the tent two young boys are sleeping.

The night is silent until slow, creaking footsteps can be heard coming up the stairs.

Young Caleb sits up and looks at the closed door. He nudges Young Pete who rolls over and yawns.


YOUNG PETE
What!?

YOUNG CALEB
Do you hear that?

Young Pete sits up and they both sit, staring at the door. The suspense builds.

SUDDENLY the door bursts open and Harry is standing in the doorway, wielding the knife.


INT. HARRY AND LILLY'S ROOM - CONTINUOUS

Lilly is just getting into bed when she hears a door burst open in the hall followed by a horrible, ragged scream.

She bolts up and yanks her bedroom door open.

She sees Harry advancing on a cowering Caleb. Her eyes advert to the knife in his hand. She's frozen.


LILLY
H-harry what are you doing!?

Harry looks back at Lilly and smiles deviously. He grabs Caleb's arm and stabs him one, two, three, four times.

Caleb screams and cries out in pain before his father drops him to the ground, pouring crimson.

LILLY runs across the hall and falls next to CALEB trying to help him, protect him like she failed to seconds ago.

Harry drops the knife and his hands start to shake.

A gust of air knocks him back against the wall with a great force.

He slides to the ground, blinking his eyes. They look normal again.


HARRY
Wh- what happened?

LILLY
(crying)
What the have you done?

Harry looks at Caleb's limp body-there's blood everywhere-then at his wife, then at Pete who's hiding in the corner of the room. Harry stands and runs out of the room.

INT. HOSPITAL - NIGHT

A stretcher comes flying down the hospital halls, Caleb is lying on it, bloody, dying.

Nurses attempt to stop the blood flow.

Lilly is running behind them, holding onto Pete's hand.

The stretcher pushes through a set of double doors, restricted. Lilly and Pete come to a halt, watching Caleb disappear.


INT. HOSPITAL - WAITING ROOM - LATER

In the waiting room Lilly is sitting in a chair with Pete in her lap.

Pete's dad, the town Sheriff, and his mother come in. Emily Warner, Pete's mother and Lilly's friend, takes Pete from Lilly and hugs her. Jack Warner pulls out his pad of paper and sits next to Lilly.


JACK WARNER
I know this is hard Lilly, but I'm gunna have to ask you some questions, okay?

Lilly nods. CU on her face. Heartbreak.

END OF TEASER

ACT ONE

OVER BLACK--

MARTIN HIGH SCHOOL GRADUATION, 2002

EXT. MARTIN HIGH SCHOOL - DAY

The whole town of MARTIN sit in folding chairs watching the 103 graduating seniors and listening to the Valedictorian give his speech.

PETE
I only have one thing left to say my fellow graduates, and that is
(raises his voice)
Congratulations class of 2002, kick some ass!

The procession receives their diploma and hats fly in the air.

The crowd disperses into smaller groups as families pose for pictures and friends hug.

CU on CALEB, all grown up, tall, dark, and handsome. He smiles at someone advancing on him O.S.


PETE O.S.
What did you think? Inspiring?

CALEB
Are you allowed to say 'ass' in a graduation speech?

Pete slings his arm around Caleb.

PETE
What are they gunna do? Expel me?

CALEB
I guess you're right.

Caleb ducks out from under Pete's arm.

CALEB
Let's get outta here.

Pete grabs Caleb and spins him around.

PETE
Oh no you don't!

CALEB
Aw, come on Pete!

PETE
No, our mom's want pictures. Lot's of them.

PETE looks at his mother, sister, and father and CALEB's mother standing a few yards away, cameras at the ready. His mother is already snapping pictures.

He waves.


CALEB
My head is already killing me.

PETE
How many times do I have to tell you to go see a doctor?

CALEB
About as many times as I have to tell you it's just stress, I'm fine.

PETE
See, you just said you're fine, picture time!

Beat.

CALEB
Fine!
(he sighs)
Let's get this over with.

PETE
That's the spirit. Hey, don't forget this is our graduation, it's their big day!

The two walk towards their awaiting families.

CALEB
That was... bitter.

PETE
Well my dad did manage to make six phone calls in the hour and half long ceremony.

CALEB
He is the Mayor.

PETE
Yes and the entire town is here at the graduation. Who could he possibly need to talk to?

They arrive at the group.

LLLY
Look at you two! God I remember when you were running around in the back yard playing cops and robbers.

She reaches up and fixes Caleb's hair, nostalgia glinting in her eyes. He pulls away from her.

PETE
Yeah, I was always putting Caleb in his place.

CALEB
Yeah, and I was always escaping.

PETE
We were under-funded! The jail cell was made out of old fence pieces.

Pete slugs Caleb in the arm.

EMILY WARNER
Alright you too, enough goofing off, picture time!

Caleb and Pete stand next to each other. Pete flashes a well rehearsed, award winning smile and a thumbs up. Caleb hates taking pictures but manages a half smile for his mom.

FLASH.


EXT. MARTIN HIGH SCHOOL - MOMENTS LATER

Caleb and Pete are trudging across the field to the parking lot. Pete is toting Madison, his sister, on his back.

Their parents are trailing behind. Lilly and Emily are chatting and looking at the photographs while Jack is attempting to get reception on his cell.


PETE
(to Caleb.)
What are you doing tonight?

CALEB
I don't know. Nothing probably.

PETE
Wrong. We're going to a party in the city.

Caleb gives Pete and I-don't-wanna face.

PETE
Yes! Come on Caleb! This party is like the party to end all parties. Not that you would know because you've never been to one.

MADISON
I thought you told Mom and Dad you were going to Uncle Carl's house for the night.

Pete lets Madison off of his back and leans down until they are eye to eye. Pete is a tall guy with nice build.

PETE
I am, after the party. Mom and Dad don't have to know about this party do they?

He gives her a hard look.

MADISON
No they don't have to.

Madison sticks her hand out.

Pete sighs and reaches into his back pocket, pulling out his wallet. He opens it and shuffles around pulling out a crisp twenty dollar bill.

He hands it to her.


MADISON
That's it? 20 dollars? You know there are these shoes I want and I'm sure dad would be happy to fund my shopping trip for a little insider information.

Pete nods his head and reaches back into his wallet pulling out another 20.

PETE
A snitch and a crook. I've taught you well.

Madison takes the money, grinning, and spots some friends O.S.

MADISON
It's been a pleasure doing business with you. See ya later.

PETE
Bye brat.

MADISON
Bye.
(she looks up at Caleb. Tall, dark, handsome. She's starry eyed.)
Bye CALEB.

CALEB
(absentminded)
See ya kid.

Madison joins her friends O.S.

CALEB
You are such a push over, you've got plenty of dirt on her.

PETE
I feel bad for her. She has four more years of...
(looks back at his parents)
This.
(beat)
Anyway, party, tonight.

CALEB
No.

PETE
Come on!

CALEB
No, Pete, no!

PETE
Kailey's gunna be there.

CALEB
(beat)
Fine. What time?

PETE
Woo ¬hoo!
(he pumps his fist in the air)
Eight o'clock
(beat)
Ish.

INT. CALEB'S ROOM - NIGHT

Caleb is searching his room looking for a clean shirt. He grabs a plain white v-neck from the floor and looks up to see a figure in his door.

He takes a step back, figures in the doorway remind him of something he wants to forget, a terrible memory.

But it's just his mom.


LLLY
Sorry, I didn't mean to scare you.

Her eyes fall over the four scars on his torso. His gaze follows hers and he quickly pulls his shirt over his head to cover up the reminders of the past.

CALEB
It's fine, I just didn't see you there.

LILLY
You going out?

CALEB
Yeah, Pete and I are going to his Uncles.

Beat.

LILLY
I am so proud of you.
(Pause, she's hesitant to say it.)
Your father would be too.

A dark look falls over Caleb's face.

LILLY
Caleb, he loved you.

CALEB
(scoffs)
Yeah, to death.

LILLY
I can't explain what happened that night, no one can, but you have to let it go.

CALEB
I don't want to talk about this.

LILLY
I worry about you, that's all. You keep it all inside, you never let me in, you never let anyone in.

CALEB
It's just better that way.

LILLY
Better or easier?

CALEB
Does it matter?

LILLY
I just want you to be happy.

CALEB
(unconvincing)
I am happy.

LILLY
It'll be better when you get out of this town.

CALEB grabs his leather jacket from the end of his bed.

CALEB
I've been thinking about that. I don't have to go.

LILLY
(throws her hands up)
Caleb we have already talked about this.

CALEB
I talked to JIM, he said he'll give me a job at the garage. I can stay around and help you take care of this place.

LILLY
I don't want you to! I want you to go to school, and meet a pretty girl, get a nice job and a nice house and give me some grandchildren. Okay?

Headlights flash in the window. Pete's there.

CALEB
I'll see you tomorrow.

LILLY
Yep. Have fun. I love you.

CALEB
I love you too.

CALEB gives his mom a quick peck on the cheek before heading out the door.

EXT. CALEB'S HOME - CONTINUOUS

Caleb cuts through the lawn and jumps into Pete's beat up old Chevy, slamming the door closed.

PETE
Jesus Christ, easy there pal.

Pete rubs the dashboard in a loving, tender way.

PETE
(to the car)
He didn't mean it baby.

CALEB
Get a room.

PETE
Hey don't throw your teenage angst at me! Just because you're still a virgin!

CALEB
I'm sorry.
(beat)
She started talking about my dad.

Pete throws the car in reverse and pulls out of the gravel driveway onto a country road. He flips his high beams on. His disposition has changed, darker.

PETE
Oh.

The same dark look that spread over Caleb's face at the mention of his estranged father now spreads over Pete's.

CALEB
Yeah. She said he loved me, would have been proud of me.

PETE
He probably did and he probably would have been. We'll never know.
(beat, he changes back to normal Pete)
Enough doom and gloom my friend, we are out to enjoy ourselves tonight!

Pete fiddles with the tuner before finding a classic rock jam, he rolls the volume dial all the way.

EXT. THE PARTY - THE CITY - NIGHT

Pete and Caleb park at a house set on a lake. The house is secluded, far away from anyone else, but huge. Mansion like even.

Cars are parked at every angle outside the house. It's throbbing with a rap song and bursting with teenagers.

Dancing, drinking, drugs...it's the party to end all parties.


INT. PETE'S CAR - CONTINUOUS

Caleb waits while Pete checks his appearance in the rear view mirror.

Caleb gets a sudden pain in his head, another head ache. He grimaces.


PETE
Dude, what's wrong?

CALEB
Just another headache.

PETE
I'm telling you, go see a-

CALEB
Shut up!

Pete's mouth clamps shut and he reaches into the back seat.

He shifts things around until he returns with a prescription pill bottle in hand.


PETE
Here you go.

He dumps two pills into CALEB's palm.

CALEB
What are these?

PETE
They're for migraines. I swiped 'em from my dad. He takes one every time my mother starts to talk. It's probably why they're still married.

CALEB
Why do you have them?

PETE
Because you constantly arguing with me gives me headaches now shut up and swallow.

Caleb tosses the pills in his mouth.

EXT. THE PARTY - THE CITY - CONTINUOUS

The two friends walk towards the house. Pete looks up at it wild eyed while Caleb seems bored.

CALEB
Who's house is this?

PETE
Bailey's. It's her family's summer house.

CALEB
Bailey Stevens?

PETE
No, that's virgin Bailey. I'm talking about Bailey from Physics.

CALEB
Oh. That Bailey.

PETE
Yes.
(smiles deviously)
That Bailey.

INT. THE PARTY - THE CITY - CONTINUOUS

Caleb and Pete squeeze through the vibrating crowd of celebrating teenagers attempting to reach the kitchen door.

A girl, SERENA, is headed in the opposite direction of the boys. She presses past them making flirtatious eye contact with Caleb. Her scarlet hair is eye catching.

CALEB stops and turns, watching her disappear into the crowd. He feels a strange need to follow her.

Pete grabs the collar of Caleb's leather jacket and drags him towards the kitchen.


PETE
Come on. Drinks first, girls later.

INT. KITCHEN-THE PARTY-THE CITY - CONTINUOUS

The kitchen is stocked full of cases of beer and a half dozen kegs are hiding in the pantry. The classic red plastic cups are scattered all over the counters, some half filled, some toppled over.

PETE
What do you want?

Caleb looks back as the kitchen door swings open and shut. Kailey has entered the kitchen but Caleb is looking past her into the party, trying to find that girl with the red hair.

PETE
Um, earth to CALEB.

Caleb turns back to Pete.

CALEB
Sorry, I'm good actually.

PETE
You don't want anything?

CALEB
No.

PETE
Nothing? Really?

KAILEY
Hey Pete, hey Caleb.

PETE
Hey Kailey, fancy seeing you here.

KAILEY
Yeah, I wasn't going to come but pretty much everyone else is here so I figured why not?
(she glances up at CALEB)

PETE
Yeah, us too. Isn't that right CALEB?

Pete looks at Caleb.

He is obviously distracted, his eyes glued to the kitchen door.


CALEB
What? Yeah?
(he turns back to PETE and KAILEY)
I'll catch ya later, okay?

PETE
(flabbergasted)
Catch ya later? Where could you possibly be going?

Caleb isn't the social butterfly type.

CALEB
I'm just gunna look around.

PETE
Look around?

CALEB
Are you going to repeat everything I say?

The kitchen door swings open again and Pete takes the momentary distraction to scoot closer to Caleb and lowers his voice.

PETE
Um, correct me if I'm wrong but you're telling me that the girl that you've had a crush on since the 3rd grade is right here, obviously interested and you're going to look around?

CALEB
Uh, yeah.

Caleb catches the door before it swings closed and slips out into the party.

The door closes.

Pete turns back to Kailey.


PETE
So, you're going to what school again?

INT. DANCING-THE PARTY-THE CITY - CONTINUOUS

Caleb looks around, scanning the crowd for a glimpse of the girl. He's really not himself, but the connection he felt when he saw her was enticing.

He spots a glimpse of red hair rounding a stair case and disappearing.

Caleb pushes through dancing couples until he reaches the staircase, stopping at the base.

The only light upstairs is a faint, eerie light up at the landing.

Caleb takes the stairs one at time, cautious.

He reaches the landing and see's that the faint light is moonlight, pouring in through a set of French doors at the end of the hall. They lead out onto a balcony.

But the hallway is long and dark, the music has muffled only slightly and he takes the journey down the hallway just as cautiously as he took the stairs.

He reaches the doors and slowly pulls them open, a burst of fresh night air hits his face and ruffles his hair.

Caleb steps out onto the balcony and leans against the smooth, white rail daring a glance down at the still water that the balcony is situated directly above.

It's an impressive drop down.

He lets out a low whistle.


GRIFF
Nice night.

All of Caleb's senses tighten and he turns to see emerging from the dark corner, where he failed to look, is a figure.

The man is about his height but bigger, more muscular, and his face is still in shadow, but only for a moment.

Griff steps into the moonlight and gives Caleb an almost convincing smile.


GRIFF
Didn't mean to scare you.

CALEB
(Defensive.)
You didn't.

GRIFF
It's crowded down there. Were you looking for someone?

CALEB
(shakes his head)
No, not really.

A voice comes from behind. It's the girl he'd been looking for.

SERENA
Well, that just hurts.

But before Caleb can turn to look at the source of the voice a bullet tears through his heart.

Blood splatters onto Griff's face and shirt. A look of annoyance sweeps over him.

Caleb slumps dead over the rail revealing the fiery red hair and enticing face Caleb had been searching for, gun in hand.


GRIFF
You know I liked this shirt?

SERENA
You'll get over it. Was it really necessary for me to shoot him?

GRIFF
Yes it was.

Griff tosses Caleb's body over the rail and into the water, it hits with a soft splash.

GRIFF
He'll be fine.

END OF ACT ONE

ACT TWO

OVER BLACK--

MARTIN, 2010

EXT. CORN FIELD-MARTIN, INDIANA - DAY

The golden fields are full grown and almost ready to be harvested. The sky is a blue and clear as it gets, with the sun like a daphodille floating half way up the sky. It's a beautiful day.

Two boys come bursting through the corn, disrupting the stalks, they are about six or seven.

A girl a year or so younger follows, a little slower, her blonde braids bouncing.


SARAH
BOBBY RAY were not supposed to be here!

One of the boys holds up a pink diary and waves it in the air teasingly, laughing.

SARAH
Bobby Ray, give it back!

The boys burst into a sprint, laughing even louder.

But SUDDENLY the boys stop dead in their tracks.

They stare down at something O.S., horrifying from the looks on their faces. Bobby Ray's mouth drops open and the diary falls from his fingertips.

Sarah catches up with them. A stern look on her face. She reaches down and snatches up the diary, brushing it off.


SARAH
Bobby Ray you know were not supposed to be out here, you just wait till I tell mama! She's gunna-

But our imagination is left to decide what type of punishment Bobby Ray will endure because Sarah follows their gaze and her eyes too fall on the horrible sight O.S. rendering her silent.

The three stand there, unmoving, stunned.


EXT. CORN FIELD-MARTIN, INDIANA - CONTINUOUS- AERIAL VIEW

We see the tops of the children's heads. They are looking down at a body, a dead one from the looks of it.

We get closer...

Caleb is lying in the middle of the corn field, his clothes covered in blood. The corn stalks are flattened all around him for about five feet out. They're singed.


BOBBY RAY
Let's get out of here.

They run back the way they came.

Sarah forgets her diary.


EXT. A CRIME SCENE-MARTIN - DAY

A Sheriff is standing outside the scene of a crime. Yellow caution tape is being strung up and there is an ambulance parked on the street.

As we get closer we see that the one with the Sheriff badge pinned to his chest is someone we recognize. Someone with an award winning smile. Pete.

He's older, hasn't shaved in a day or two, and there are bags under his eyes. He's Pete but he's a darker Pete, he's that Pete that emerges when Caleb talks about his father.

He's standing on the sidewalk, obviously shaken by the murder.

His phone rings.

He answers it.


PETE
Warner.

OFFICER HERTZ O.S.
Hey Sheriff. I know it's a bad time, but your kids just ran in here with the Gardener's boy goin on about a dead guy in the corn fields by your place.

PETE
Are you serious?

OFFICER HERTZ O.S.
Yeah. They seem pretty shook up. Might be a hitch hiker, maybe you wanna check it out?

PETE
(sighs)
Yeah, send 'em home, I'm on my way.

Pete hangs up his phone and takes one look back at the house before climbing into his police car.

EXT. PETE'S HOUSE-MARTIN, INDIANA - MOMENTS LATER

Pete pulls into his driveway where an older Kailey is sitting on the porch holding a crying Sarah in her lap.

Bobby Ray and the other boy are sitting on the front steps, obviously they've been reprimanded.

Pete gets out of the car and walks ominously up to the porch. Bobby Ray and his friend know they're in for it now. They winced when Kailey, their mom, told them "Just wait till your father gets home."


PETE
(stops right in front of the boys)
Alright you, I'm very busy today. What did I tell you about playing in the cornfields? And making up stories?

BOBBY RAY
It ain't stories daddy, there was a man!

PETE
What did he look like.

Both boys start telling their story in hurried tones.

PETE
Slow down! One at a time.

SARAH
(sniffles)
He looked like that boy in the picture daddy.

PETE
(turns to Sarah)
What picture?

SARAH
The one by your chair, where you're wearing the funny hats.

Pete looks at Kailey then strides into the house.

He comes back out a few moments later holding a picture.

He shows it to Sarah, pointing.


PETE
Like this guy?

She nods.

PETE
Stay here.

He hands the picture to Kailey. It's Pete and Caleb at graduation.

Pete un-holsters his gun.


KAILEY
What are you doing? Pete! Don't be ridiculous, it's impossible!

He takes one look back then starts into the corn field.

EXT. CORN FIELD-MARTIN, INDIANA - MOMENTS LATER

Pete is walking through the field, gun held at his side. He know's it's insane, Sarah is just a little girl and Caleb is dead. But there's a shard of hope in him.

He breaks through to where the stalks have been flattened and his breath catches.

Pete looks down at Caleb's body, it's him. He's still wearing that stupid leather jacket, he looks exactly the same, like he hasn't aged a day.

Pete falls on his knees next to Caleb and tosses the gun aside very unprofessionally.

He wipes the summer sweat from his brow and lets out one shallow sob.

He thinks it's a sick joke, or that he's gone crazy, but either way his emotions are shot.

Wary and slightly hopeful, he check's CALEB's pulse, nothing.

More tears fall down his face and he mutters...


PETE
(very quiet)
No, no, no, no, no.

He takes in a deep breathe.

PETE
Pull yourself together. Caleb is dead.
(he's reassuring himself.)
He died eight years ago.

He turns away from Caleb's body and stands up. Caleb is O.S. now.

Pete picks up his radio. He pauses and clears his throat before he puts the radio up next to his mouth.


PETE
Officer Hertz we do indeed have a body in the cornfield.
(Pause)
It's nobody from town, probably just a hitchhiker, but he's dead. Send an ambulance and put the paper work on my desk.

OFFICER HERTZ O.S.
Roger that, Sheriff.

Pete slides the radio back onto his belt and rests his hands on his hips, not daring a look at Caleb.

Glancing down he realizes his gun is laying discarded on the ground.

He leans down to pick it up. But no sooner do his fingers grasp the gun then a cold hand grabs and wraps around Pete's wrist.

He jumps and stumbles backwards, gun held awkwardly in hand.

He turns with the barrel pointed at Caleb.


PETE
Put your hands on your head!

Caleb stares up at Pete alarmed and confused. He thinks back to the last thing he remembers, the party.

Caleb doesn't know it's been eight years. Caleb doesn't know he died.


CALEB
Pete, is that you? What did you give me last night, those pills I mean?

PETE
What the hell are you talking about? Put your hands on your head!

Caleb attempts to stand but Pete reacts by cocking the gun.

PETE
Don't move! Put your hands on your head.

Caleb finds his feet and puts his hands up in defense.

CALEB
What's gotten into you? We're a little too old for cops and robbers Pete.

Pete wavers, he had just convinced himself he was insane because it couldn't be Caleb, Caleb died! And yet...

CALEB
What are you wearing? Jesus I've got a headache. What the hell happened last night?

PETE
Last...last night?

CALEB
Uh, yeah. At the party?

PETE
Party?

CALEB
Are you still drunk? Please don't point that at me, I wouldn't even want you to if you were sober.

PETE
Caleb?

CALEB
No, the Easter bunny.

Pete realizes his arms were slowly falling but he instinctually brings the gun back up, aiming at Caleb's heart.

CALEB
(puts his hands up)
You're starting to freak me out.

PETE
Freak you out? You're supposed to be dead!

CALEB
I feel like I died. You know there's a reason I never went to parties, you wake up in corn fields.

PETE
Oh my god.
(beat)
Caleb, do you know what year it is?

CALEB
You're really out of it aren't you? It's 2002, we just graduated genius.

Pete drops the gun and rubs his face with a shaky hand.

PETE
CALEB, look at your shirt.

Caleb looks down at his white v-neck covered in blood.

Caleb's mind flashes back to a face, Griff's face, a smug smile spread over it just before a loud bang and a black out.


CALEB
Something happened last night.

PETE
No Caleb, not last night. Last night I tucked my kids into bed and then sat and watched a movie with my wife. Last night you were dead.

CALEB
I don't understand.

PETE
We went to that party eight years ago! The last time I saw you, you went to look around. You died Caleb, you were murdered. You wanna know what year it is? Not 2002 that's for damn sure.

He shoves his gun in the holster.

CALEB
What?

PETE
Today is August first, 2010.

END OF ACT TWO

ACT THREE

INT. POLICE STATION - MARTIN - LATER

Pete is standing at his desk in the POLICE STATION, glancing every so often at Caleb.

Caleb, still in his bloodied clothes, is sitting in the cell.


PETE
John, did you call that FBI agent yet?

Pete pries his eyes away from Caleb and turns to Officer Hertz.

OFFICER HERTZ O.S.
I couldn't get through so I left a message. We'll have to try again in the morning.

Pete nods.

PETE
Alright, it's about six, why don't you head home before Emma get's mad at me for keepin you late.

OFFICER HERTZ O.S.
Are you sure? I could stick around if ya want?

PETE
I'm sure. I can hold the fort down.

Officer Hertz collects his things and leaves the POLICE STATION with a quick good bye.

Pete drops the file he was holding onto his desk and looks back at the cell. Caleb is still just sitting there.


CALEB
You've changed Pete.

PETE
Shut up.

CALEB
What happened to getting out of here? Of doing something with your life?

PETE
I said shut up!

Beat.

CALEB
Why am I in here?

PETE
You know damn well why.

CALEB
What? Fraud? Theft? Murder? I didn't do any of those things. Those charges were false!

PETE
Well maybe the judge will go easy on you if you turn in your friends. Harry would be a huge bonus.

CALEB
How the hell am I supposed to know where he is?

PETE
You two were in communication right up until you die-disappeared.

Pete pulls a huge file out from his desk drawer and plucks a pile of letters from the middle. He drops them in front of the cell.

PETE
They're cryptic as hell. Some kind of code right?

CALEB
I've never seen those before.

PETE
You really had everyone fooled. I mean, faking your death. You know we had a funeral for you, a damn nice one too. And your mom...
(his breath catches)
Why did you do it? Why did you kill her?

CALEB
What? My mom's...she's...dead?

PETE
Drop the act. We all know you did it, why else would you come back. That's her blood on your shirt!

Caleb looks down at his shirt.

Silence.


PETE
That's her blood on your hands.

CALEB
I didn't kill her.

PETE
Bullshit.

Beat.

CALEB
Pete, last ni- at the the party. Do you remember the girl? With the red hair?

PETE
(confused)
Y-yeah?

CALEB
When I left you that's who I went to find. I went upstairs but there was this guy, I think he shot me or something. I don't know what happened. All I know is I can't remember anything past the party. The last eight years...they're blank.

Beat.

Pete desperately wants to believe him.


CALEB
Pete, I wouldn't kill my mother! You know that!

PETE
Save it for the jury, I have to get home.



INT. POLICE STATION - MARTIN - NIGHT

It's a few hours later. Caleb is laying back on the uncomfortable cot in the cell, thinking.

Everything is quiet, he's alone.


GRIFF
You're not even going to try to escape?

Caleb sits up swiftly, tenses. He peers into the darkness of the station while his eyes adjust.

He spots three figures, one with fiery red hair.

He stands up, a defensive pose.


CALEB
Stay the hell away from me!

Griff steps forward until he's right up against the bars, the others hang back.

He glances up then turns back to Caleb.


GRIFF
(mock concern)
I know you must be confused but don't fear, we're here to explain.

He unlocks the cell door, and swings it open.

GRIFF
Come on, we've got a lot to talk about.

Caleb walks towards Griff stopping in front of him.

Beat.


CALEB
Screw you.

Caleb swings and punches Griff across the face.

Griff doesn't waver or fall. He rubs his jaw and turns back to look at Caleb.


GRIFF
Ouch.

END OF ACT THREE

ACT FOUR

EXT. FIELD- MARTIN - LATER (SUNRISE)

Caleb is lying on the ground, dried blood on his face and arms. He's bound with rope.

His eyes pop open and he sits up, inhaling deeply.


IAN
Don't worry, it gets easier.

Caleb turns and looks at the boy, now crouching next to him, checking him over.

CALEB
(breathless)
What does?

IAN
Dying.

Caleb looks at Ian in confusion then looks up at Griff and Serena.

In the distance there are lights, they are far outside of MARTIN.


CALEB
Dying?

IAN
Yeah, you pissed GRIFF off so he killed you.

CALEB
Again?

IAN
No that was Serena who did you in the first time. Gun shot straight to the heart.

Ian holds his hand up like a gun and points it right at Caleb's heart, squinting one eye closed. Then he laughs a little and finishes looking over Caleb.

IAN
You're fine though.

CALEB
Fine? Fine!?

IAN
Suck it up butter cup.

SERENA
Shooting you was GRIFF's idea, by the way.

CALEB
I'm not surprised.

Caleb locks eyes with Griff who has a dark expression on his face, not uncommon for him.

GRIFF
Enough small talk, we have business.

CALEB
Business? In the middle of a field? At night?

Beat.

GRIFF
We know who killed your mother.

When Griff speaks he's usually very casual, nonchalant. Unless he's pissed off, then he sounds annoyed.

CALEB
Yeah so do I, I'm looking at them now..

GRIFF
No actually we didn't.

Caleb contemplates for a moment then shakes his head.

CALEB
Why should I believe you? You just kidnapped me from prison, framed me for my mothers murder, you tried to kill me twice-

GRIFF
(he's annoyed now)
Correction we did kill you twice along with a handy rescue from prison. Now shut up and listen so I can clue you in.

SERENA
Griff-

He puts his hand up to silence her.

GRIFF
The life that you had died eight years ago when you did. Caleb Samuelson no longer exists.

CALEB
I'm not following.

GRIFF
I'm not surprised.

SERENA
Caleb, you're like us, sort of. I mean, your not human.

CALEB
I'm supposed to believe you?

SERENA
We're not the enemy, okay? We're trying to help you.

CALEB
Really? Well thanks but I don't need your kind of help.

SERENA
I know it looks bad right now but you have to trust us. We're on the same side, but there are people who are after you. You're special.

CALEB
(Sarcasm)
Because I'm not human?

SERENA
Right.

CALEB
Prove it.

Griff has been bubbling with annoyance and he finally cracks.

GRIFF
Fine.

He shoots Caleb in the head.

SERENA
Jesus Griff!

GRIFF
He wanted proof, we'll just have to keep killing him until he believes. We don't have time for this.

Griff walks away, shoving his gun in the back waist band of his pants.

Serena shrugs and follows him.

Ian leans down and picks up Caleb, following the other two.


IAN
You are going to have a huge headache when you wake up.

INT. POLICE STATION - MARTIN - MORNING

A man in a bullet proof vest that reads FBI is standing back to us, staring at the open cell door. There's blood caked on the floor.

Pete walks up behind him.


PETE
I have the surveillance tape.

Pete looks like hell, darker bags under his eyes and a bitter look on his face.

ADAM HUDSON turns around, chomping on his gum, he pulls his sunglasses off and slips them in his shirt pocket.


HUDSON
Outstanding.

INT. SURVEILLANCE ROOM-POLICE STATION-MARTIN - MOMENTS LATER

Hudson is hunched over a small screen while a techy runs through the tape.

Pete hangs back, arms crossed over his chest.


TECHY
There's nothing for a couple hours after Sheriff Warner leaves, c'ept for Caleb, I mean the prisoner, movin around a bit.

HUDSON
Which is usually why we skip all of those parts.

He fast forwards.

TECHY
Well, at about 10 last night, Caleb-I mean the prisoner- sits up all cat like. I figure he heard somethin, somethin spooked him ya know?

HUDSON
(still staring at screen, chomping his gum)
This is one crack team you've got Sheriff.

Hudson pops his gum.

HUDSON
What comes next?

TECHY
Well then this guy comes on camera. We don' know how he got in the station; or out for that matter.

We see the scene from the previous night play out. Griff unlocks the cell, Caleb punches him.

But then we see more. Griff stabs Caleb and he falls. Blood, lots of it.

Serena comes on screen and throws her hands up at Griff.

Ian picks up Caleb's body.

The tape goes blank.


TECHY
Then, you see sir, the tape just fizzes out.

HUDSON
Of course it does. Rewind it for me would ya?

The techy rewinds until Hudson says

HUDSON
Stop.

Griff has just entered the frame. We watch him walk to the cell then, he glances up.

HUDSON
Freeze.

Hudson pops his gum.

The picture holds. GRIFF staring up at us.


HUDSON
That son of a bitch.

Pete takes an interest and looks at the frozen image.

PETE
What?

Hudson starts flipping through a file. He pulls out a stack of photographs and hands them to Pete.

HUDSON
Every murder Griff and his friends have committed that we've caught on tape, which are more than you would think, he looks at the Goddamn camera. He know's we're watching and he's taunting.

PETE
What does that mean?

HUDSON
It means he's an asshole.

Beat.

HUDSON
But that's not the point. The point is I don't think Caleb is in with this crowd.

He turns back to the screen.

PETE
(confused, annoyed)
But you have solid proof right here! His mother's blood was on his shirt!

HUDSON
Well he didn't exactly go willingly did he?

Beat. Gum pop.

PETE
That doesn't mean anything! It's an act.No way he survived that stab wound, there was too much blood.

HUDSON
No way he survived being shot point blank, but you could be right, it could still be an act. What did he say to you? I noticed earlier on in the tape you two had a chat.
(beat)
What did he say to you Sheriff?

PETE
Nothing.

HUDSON
Didn't look like nothing.

PETE
He just said that he didn't kill his mom, that he couldn't remember the past eight years. And when he woke up...

HUDSON
Go on.

PETE
When he woke up in the corn field, he was talking to me like...I don't know like nothing had happened, like it was the day after the party. He didn't know what year it was.

HUDSON
Maybe he wasn't lying.

PETE
Oh God, you think he was telling the truth? He doesn't remember?

Pete wipes a hand over his face, rubs his eyes.

PETE
That's crazy! Then how did he end up in that corn field? And why would they...why would they keep him for eight years?

HUDSON
(pops his gum)
They could be framing him. They could be using him. They could have been after Harry Samuelson's letter, which they succeeded in stealing. For all we know he was in a shot to the heart induced a coma for eight years and they needed a friend. Like you said Sheriff, they're lunatics.

END OF ACT FOUR

ACT FIVE

INT. AN OLD BARN OUTSIDE OF MARTIN - AFTERNOON

Big black clouds are rolling into the sky, a storm is coming.

The BARN is slowly decaying, the walls are dusty and only a faint red hue remains. Old school barn equipment litters the barn and some hay lays in a pile.

Caleb's body has been tossed onto the hay, blood staining the floor.

Ian and Serena are standing a couple feet away from him, waiting. Griff isn't around.

Caleb's eyes pop open and he sits up, inhaling deeply.


CALEB
Jesus Christ! He's insane.

IAN
Yeah, he is. You're getting better though.

CALEB
Better? At what? Dying?

IAN
The opposite actually. You're getting faster at coming back. You've only been out a couple hours.

CALEB
Is that why I can't remember the last eight years?

IAN
Yeah, you weren't exactly around. The first time always takes the longest. It's not easy to come back from dying.

SERENA
Do you believe us now?

CALEB
I don't know what to believe.

SERENA
You have to trust us.

CALEB
I don't.

IAN
Well you're going to have to because we're all going to be working together.

CALEB
Working together?

GRIFF
Yes.

Griff has just entered through the barn door. He crosses to where Caleb is lounging on the pile of hay.

Griff throws a wad of clothes at Caleb.


GRIFF
Circumstances being the way they are you can't go back to MARTIN, there wasn't much for you there anyway.

CALEB
I'll tell them I'm innocent.

GRIFF
Because who wouldn't believe the blood soaked boy who came back from the dead the morning his mother was brutally murdered.

Caleb stands up.

CALEB
Look I don't know who you think you are-

Griff pulls out a rather large knife and holds it right up to Caleb's face.

GRIFF
I am the guy in charge of this mission and I am an inch away from killing you again.

SERENA
Griff don't!

CALEB
Mission?

Beat.

Griff lowers the knife.


GRIFF
Yes, mission. Like we said before, we're on the same side.

CALEB
And what side is that?

GRIFF
The side that is gunna find the thing that killed your mother.

Beat.

CALEB
I told you, I know who killed my mother.

GRIFF
Do you have a hearing problem? We already told you it wasn't us. And it wasn't your father either.

CALEB
Well then who the hell was it?

GRIFF
Not who, what.

CALEB
So you are going to help me find whatever it is that killed my mom? Why? What's in it for you?

SERENA
You're like us CALEB,

CALEB
And what exactly are you?

Beat.

GRIFF
(to SERENA)
That's enough.
(turns to CALEB)
All you need to know is that we've been chasing this things for a long time and we can either work together or you can go back to jail.

A crack of thunder bursts through the air. Then, quite suddenly, the rain starts.

Caleb stands, thinking. He doesn't have much to go back to. His mom's dead and Pete thinks he's the one who killed her.


CALEB
I guess I don't have much choice.

EXT. AN OLD BARN OUTSIDE OF MARTIN - CONTINUOUS

A young girl, early 20's, is running through the rain towards the OLD BARN.

She's carrying a black bag.

She slides the door open and runs inside, then slides it closed.

Soaked, she turns and starts wringing out her hair, stopping when she see's CALEB and GRIFF standing toe to toe.

He looks familiar to her, but she brushes it off.


MADISON
Sorry, ya'll. I didn't know anyone was using the place right now. You guys don't go to MARTIN HIGH do you? You look a bit old.

GRIFF
Excuse me?

MADISON
I didn't mean it like that. It's just this is the barn all the kids from school come to, to...you know...

Caleb looks down at the pile of hay with a new pair of eyes. Ew.

MADISON
I was out taking pictures when the rain started. Sorry if I interrupted somethin.

She glances at Ian and Serena standing off to the side and examines the close proximity between Caleb and Griff.

Caleb follows her train of thought.

He steps back.


CALEB
Oh, no.
(he puts his hands up)
That's not what this is.

Ian snickers in the back ground.

Madison cocks her head to the side.


MADISON
You look so familiar

Beat.

She drops the camera bag.


MADISON
(disbelief)
Caleb?

There's an awkward silence. What does one say?

MADISON
But...but...but you died!? Didn't you?

CALEB
Do I know you?

He doesn't recognize her.

MADISON
It's me, Madison.

Caleb's eyes widen. He looks Madison up and down.

CALEB
Wow. You sure have...grown.

Eyes zoom in on the chest area.

MADISON
And you sure haven't. You look the same as the last day I saw you.

SERENA
You know her?
(a tinge of jealousy.)

CALEB
Yeah, Pete's sister.

SERENA
The Sheriff's sister?

CALEB
Yeah.

GRIFF
Well, that's unfortunate.

MADISON
He's really not that bad.

GRIFF
No, what's unfortunate is that we're going to have to kill you.

MADISON
Come again?

Griff advances on Madison but Caleb jumps in front of him.

CALEB
You can't kill her!

GRIFF
We can't let her go. She's seen us and we already have an annoying FBI tail that makes things complicated enough.

CALEB
That sounds like your problem, you can't kill her.

GRIFF
Wrong, you're with us now so it's our problem. And I can kill her, watch me.

He attempts to push past Caleb.

CALEB
Do it and I'm gone.

GRIFF
What makes you think I care?

CALEB
Because you didn't go through all this trouble to get me for nothing. I don't know why but you need me.

Beat.

Griff throws the knife down, stabbing the ground.


GRIFF
Tie her up.

Ian follows Griff's order.

Madison puts up a struggle.

Ian sedates her.


CALEB
Oh come on, was that necessary?

IAN
Would you rather I knock her out with my fist?

END OF ACT FIVE

TAG

INT. AN OLD BARN OUTSIDE OF MARTIN - EVENING

Griff is standing at an old work table, weapons spread out across it. He is packing them away in a bag.

Madison is still unconscious on the ground.

Caleb comes up behind Griff.


CALEB
Are we just going to leave her here?

GRIFF
We'll be long gone before she wakes up and I'm sure she'll find her way back to town just fine.

CALEB
Where are we going?

Griff plops the bound pack of envelopes from Caleb's dad onto the table.

CALEB
Am I supposed to understand?

GRIFF
They're letters.

CALEB
From my father, I know. I looked at them already, they don't make any sense.

GRIFF
Not to you, but you're not the brightest crayon in the box.
(beat)
They're a map.

CALEB
A map?

GRIFF
Yes, a map.

CALEB
You wanna tell me where it leads to?

GRIFF
If I had to take a guess I would say they'll take us to your father.

CALEB
I thought you said he didn't do it.

GRIFF
He didn't.

CALEB
(frustrated)
Then why the hell are we going to find him?

Griff turns from his packing and looks at Caleb.

GRIFF
If we're going to do this, work together, then you're going to trust me. You don't have to like me, I don't particularly like you, but you do have to trust me because like it or not I'm in charge.
(beat, GRIFF goes back to his packing)
Whatever killed your mother is going after your father next.

CALEB
Why?

GRIFF
(sighs)
I don't know, to piss you off and waste my time. Can we stop playing 20 questions now?

SERENA O.S.
Griff, come here for a sec.

Griff zips up the bag of weapons, leaving them on the worktable to find out what Serena needs.

Caleb looks down at Madison on the ground.


INT. AN OLD BARN OUTSIDE OF MARTIN - CONTINUOUS

Serena pulls Griff to the side. Their voices are low.

SERENA
We have to tell him GRIFF.

GRIFF
Stick to the plan.

SERENA
He deserves the right to know that he's-

GRIFF
What?

SERENA
That he's not exactly what were letting him believe he is. I mean, we don't really know what he is.

GRIFF
Exactly, which is why it's safer if he doesn't know. We don't know what he's capable of. All we know is that it's our job to keep him safe.

SERENA
By dragging him around looking for the thing trying to kill him? That wasn't in the plan GRIFF!

GRIFF
If we catch this thing we're one step closer to figuring out the other side's plan.

SERENA
I still think we should tell him.

GRIFF
And I'm still in charge.

Griff turns and raises his voice.

GRIFF
It's time to go.

Caleb, who was crouching down by Madison, stands up.

CALEB
Where are we going?

GRIFF
Vegas. I have to pick something up.

He pulls the barn door open and steps out into the rain.

EXT. POLICE STATION - MARTIN - MORNING

Madison is dirty and grungy, walking up the sidewalk into the police station.

She pulls the door open and trudges inside.


PETE O.S.
Madison?

She turns and looks at him.

PETE
What the hell happened?

Madison hands him a folding up, dirty piece of paper with "PETE" scrawled on it in hurried handwriting.

PETE
What's this?

He opens the letter and scans it quickly, his eyes bugging out.

HUDSON
What's going on.

Pete stuffs the letter into his pocket.

He turns and smiles at Hudson.


PETE
Nothing.

END OF SHOW
All you need is 20 seconds of insane courage, and I promise you something great will come of it.

-Benjamin Mee
  





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Reviews: 45
Mon Aug 09, 2010 2:24 pm
TheGreatIthy says...



Let me start off by saying that the script was really good! There is one little nit-pick that I have, but this is more in the formatting and possibly because you may have been typing fast. It's just that the 'stage directions' for lack of a better word at the moment, are a little inconsistent. At times, they are italicized and sometimes they aren't. It doesn't take away from the story, but it was a little confusing at times.

Another thing that you can take or leave is when you tell the character's particular emotions. From what I have learned in the theatre, and it also applies to film which is what this is, the generally doesn't tell those things in the writing but leaves it to the actor's and the director to interpret through character and script work. For what you did for this, I didn't mind seeing that (it gave me insight for what you wanted) but if it ever moved on to a publisher or director, a professional would black those areas out or just completely ignore them in favor of their own interpretation.

Other than that (which is nit-pick because I couldn't find any real flaws to the script) the story was really good and I want to read more if you plan on continuing it!
Bees: They sting because they love!!

Will review for food!
  





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Gender: Female
Points: 2834
Reviews: 131
Mon Aug 09, 2010 4:11 pm
smaur says...



Hey,

Here as requested.

I really love the ideas that you're presenting, particularly the idea of a man who can't die (those are always fun), but the presentation is still falling fairly short for me. I'm going to suggest right off the bat that you watch a handful of pilots from a handful of different types of shows. Procedurals, sit-coms, dramas, etc. TV show pilots are fairly tricky things to pull off, and it helps to have other shows as reference points of what's being done well and poorly.

Keep that in mind as you're reading this critique. I'll try and bring up some examples when I can.

1 - Genre & tone. These were fairly crucial gaps that I found, and fairly linked to each other. I couldn't piece together the overall tone of the pilot from all of these various scenes, which hop from mood and genre fairly frequently. One moment it's a thriller/horror, another it's a teenage coming-of-age, another moment it's a crime saga. Which would be fine except that it turns out that it's apparently none of these. I'm assuming it's a supernatural story right now, but for all I know it could still be science-fiction, or something else entirely.

This is where, again, I would refer to other pilots of other shows in their various genres and see how they do it. There are shows like The Wire or Rome or even Battlestar Galactica, which have it fairly easy -- within seconds, you know what kind of show this is setting up to become. But even a show like LOST manages to give you a fairly good sense of what's to come fairly quickly, even with the complicated premise that it ends up having. Within three minutes, we get an idea of what kind of show it is; of course, that's only the tip of the iceberg, as it turns out, but at least we're settled in enough to not have to constantly question the tone. The pilot of Breaking Bad takes a fairly long time to get to the heart of the story that will eventually become the main arc, but they solve that fairly neatly with the initial teaser, which sets it up as a show with some criminal undertones.

In every pilot, there should come a moment where you begin to settle into the story, where you start to see how this can arc into a show that spans several seasons. The moment doesn't have to come soon, but it should come somewhere before the tail-end, which is what happens with "Between". The reader (who will eventually become the viewer) is constantly consumed with the task of trying to determine the world they're in. What are the rules of the fictional universe? Are the events that transpire standard fare, or deeply unusual? It's crucial that we have some glimpse of the true tone and thrust of the show somewhere earlier on in the pilot. For Breaking Bad, it's when Walter flaps around in the desert without any clothes and puts a gun to his head. In Lost, it's when we hear the Monster wail for the very first time. In Battlestar Galactica, it's that first dogfight with the Cylons. It's that moment the viewer can go, "Aha, this is what's going on," even if (as in some of these shows) it turns out that what they think is going on isn't exactly what it first appears to be. The more of those moments you can have in your pilot, the better. The less disconnected it will feel from the rest of the episodes. And the more that the other scenes can emulate the tone that you establish in that Defining Scene, the better.

Now, for Between, the only scene where I finally feel somewhat grounded is when Griff shoots Caleb for the second time. Which feels incredibly problematic to me, because it's fairly far into the pilot. I need a scene WAY before that to establish that this is a show with supernatural flavours. Perhaps the teaser scene with the father. Perhaps Griff and Serena show up to the graduation and have some sort of dialogue that hints at what's to come. Anything we can hold on to. Otherwise, up until then, I really have no idea where the show's going or what the show's about, and the latter is especially worrisome.

2 - Pacing. I mentioned this in my original critique and I still find it all over the place pacing-wise. Partially because of the time-jumps, partially because of the amount of time you devote to each time-jumps, but when you put all the scenes together, they're lacking any sense of rhythm or flow. Take a moment to look at the length of your scenes, the flow of your dialogue, the transitions from scene to scene, and think about how you want the story to unfold. Again, if you're stumped, take a look at other shows. Do you want the story to play out at the measured pace of Mad Men, or the breakneck speed of, say, Prison Break? By the way, the latter is one you may want to study (just the first episode), since within 5 minutes it sets up its entire, less-than-simple premise, and several pivotal scenes occur (he gets a tattoo, gets rid of his things, robs a bank, lands in prison -- again, in five minutes). By the end of the pilot, you know what makes most of your main characters tick, a fairly big chunk of each of their backstories and their relationships, and a decent idea of the protagonist's master plan.

One of the reasons I can't get a great idea of pacing is because there's so many extraneous scenes. So many scenes can be trimmed down to their bare essentials. The grad scene, the party scene, even the initial stabbing scenes -- all WAY too long. Especially when it turns out that the bulk of our story happens in 2010.

What I would suggest is this: eliminate ALL of the past stuff except the absolute necessities. Which, for now (for now!) is Caleb getting shot. So you have a party scene (preferably cut down a lot shorter than it is right now -- there's so much extra dialogue, often forced, to set up relationships between characters -- reduce it). Remember, you can revisit the events of the past in future episodes. For example, the dad stabbing his son -- I can see how that's an important scene, just to get an understanding of how and why Caleb hates his father (unless you plan to have Caleb stop hating his father, in which case this scene just makes US dislike his father). But you can always put this scene at, say, the beginning of your second episode. So your task, in this party scene, is to establish some sparks between Pete and Bailey (with some hinting that Caleb has a crush on her), a hint of backstory with Caleb's father, and then to get Caleb shot. You may also feel like you have to introduce Madison, which you could maybe do in a super-duper-tiny scene before they're at the party.

Then we jump to 2010.

Of course, there are other ways to play it -- you can skip from past to present to past to present. So maybe the teaser is of the children discovering Caleb's body in the cornfield, and then you weave flashbacks throughout the pilot to tell the story of Caleb & Pete. I sort of think that may clutter up your pilot unless done pitch-perfectly, but that's another option. No matter what you do, though, the story moves in jumps and hops, when it should either move in jumps OR hops. If that makes any sense. Choose a movement for the story and stick to it.

And again, once you've done that, go back and pare all your scenes down to their utter necessity. Cut out blocky exposition, dialogue that doesn't really move the story or the characters along. Remember a few things:

(a) Dialogue is precious. Since you're not dealing in prose, dialogue is one of the crucial ways (ESPECIALLY as a screenwriter) that you establish people's relationships. Once again, I'll direct your attention to other shows; every drop of dialogue is used (particularly in drama) to some function. As TheGreatIthy said, pare down on your directions. Don't tell us that Caleb is defensive or Caleb is frustrated -- your dialogue should speak for itself.

(Also, it's a notoriously crap thing to do to give your actors a line-by-line reading of your work. An interesting experiment to try is to write a few scenes with some miscellaneous characters, with as minimal direction as possible. So, the only time you specify how the dialogue should be read is if it's needs to be read the opposite way it's written. So, for example, if something like, "Thanks, Dad!" is actually supposed to be read bitterly. Or, "You're an idiot," is said lovingly, or something similar. Aside from that, nada. It really forces you to make your dialogue clear and very characterized.)

(b) Get in as late as you can, get out as early. I'm sure you've heard this adage before. If not, now's the time to memorize it. Start a scene as late as possible and finish it as early as possible -- again, an easy way to remember to avoid the extra trimmings and tassels on a scene. We don't need to hear Caleb give the tail-end of his speech -- we just need to start the scene at the moment that the families meet up with their kids. If you really wanted to show that he was the valedictorian, you have a character go, "Caleb, that speech was fantastic," or something to that effect. We'll already clue in with the caps & gowns -- viewers will pick up on details fairly quickly.

So what I'm saying in regards to pacing is: cut out all your flashback scenes except the one that is absolutely crucial to set up everything else in this pilot episode, pare all your other scenes down to their essentials, and remember that dialogue is one of the most glorious tools currently at your disposal.

3 - Remember your POV. This is one that always slips. I'm not entirely sure who your main character is right now, Caleb or Pete, or if they're supposed to be dual protagonists. It's a little uneven right now. In a pilot episode, that's a problem. I would encourage you to cut out scenes such as the ones with his children discovering the body. Instead, start with Pete immediately. Maybe even start the present-day stuff with Pete crossing the cornfields, children and policemen in tow, to follow up on the report of the body.

I'm going to stop here because that's a lot of things to consider and rework, and I'm sure it's already a little overwhelming. If/when you manage to tweak these aspects of the script, I'll gladly come back and offer other suggestions if you want. Again, I love the idea of people coming back to life, and I like some of the other elements that you've seeded through this pilot, but it needs some work before it is up to par. Feel free to PM me if you have any questions or need me to clarify anything. Good luck on writing & rewriting!
"He yanked himself free and fled to the kitchen where something huddled against the flooded windowpanes. It sighed and wept and tapped continually, and suddenly he was outside, staring in, the rain beating, the wind chilling him, and all the candle darkness inside lost."
  








I feel like it will be absolute hotdog water, but oh well. It's just a draft.
— Charm