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GTA The Movie (Scene 1 is up)



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31 Reviews



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Sun Jul 18, 2010 4:57 am
Loller65 says...



I'm trying to make an honest to goodness script out of GTA IV. Not some terrible adaptation like most other videogame movies like Resident Evil or Super Mario Bros. It is a great, cinematic game with more story than a lot of movies. Some minor language, hence the 16+ rating.
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(Ext-Evening. The sun is beginning to dip beneath the horizon over a city that bears a striking resemblance to New York. We see several aerial shots of the city in the twilight, and then, as we hear a radio talk show host begin talking, it begins a slow journey towards the docks)

Man (radio filter)
And, and that's what I'm here to talk about. The issues, people. Like, like...homosexuals, and immigrants, and terrorists. Y'know what the problem is? We've taken prayer out of public schools and....

(His voice slowly trails off as the camera pans to a greasy ship pulling into port. A beat up black car sits on the street as several people disembark. It is now night as a lone man with nothing more than a duffel bag slowly gets off the ship. Suddenly, we no longer see the docks. We instead see a young man hopping off a burning ship into the water below as he is shot at. We return to the man disembarking, who shakes his head and continues walking down to the earth. He sees a fancy red sports car and heads over to it happily.)

Passenger (slight Russian or Slavic accent)
Roman, Cousin!

(A rich looking blonde man looks at the passenger with disgust as a slim woman (obviously a wife he bought) climbs into the car. The passenger walks away)

Passenger
So sorry, I just had you confused...sorry...

(He heads to the curb and sits down glumly.)

Passenger
Probably forgot or somethin-

(He is cut off by the beat up black car throwing on the high beams and honking noisily)

Passenger
What the hell...?

(A poorly dressed chubby man gets out, and, waving his hands above his head, runs to the passenger.)

Roman
Niko, baby! So good to see you, Cousin!

(The passenger (Niko) stands and embraces Roman. After a moment, they separate and Roman grabs Niko's bags.)

Niko
So cousin, how long until we get to see the mansion?

(Roman slowly approaches the beat up car.)

Roman
Hehe...you see, my friend-

Niko (looking at the car, clearly disgusted)
What is this junker, Cousin? Your sports car in the shop?

(He kicks the tires while Roman puts his things in the trunk. He comes up to the left of Niko and puts his hand on his shoulder.)

Roman (nervous)
You see, Niko...there is no sports car. I may have embellished a little on the details of my life...

(Niko turns around, walking away from the car slowly. He suddenly turns and addresses Roman)

Niko (furious)
I knew I shouldn't have read those...those damn emails!

(He walks towards Roman and punches him, causing him to sink to the ground.)

Roman (wiping blood from his nose)
I think I maybe deserved that one...just get in the car, Niko...

(Niko climbs in, clearly angry, and Roman gets behind the wheel and they drive off)

Roman
Listen Niko, it doesn't matter. This is America, land of opportunity! We are our own men! We become what we want to be! Don't you see this, Cousin?

(Niko is looking out the window at the street people, ladies of the evening, and various other pedestrians.)

Niko (sullen)
All I see is slums, Cousin. All I see is slums.

Roman (getting happy, almost like a zealous pastor at the pulpit)
This isn't the real Liberty City, Niko...this is the place for people like you! (he laughs, then realized he is not helping his case) I mean, the people who aren't like you. They had a rough go of it, sure, but they didn't try to change their circumstances, but you're gonna start all over right? And then...we're going straight to the top, baby!

(He pumps a fist in the air, causing the car to swerve violently, jolting Niko into a more upright position. He glares at Roman)

Roman (embarassed)
Sorry, cousin...

(They turn onto a street with subway tracks above it. Roman parks sloppily, and he hops out and grabs Niko's bag)

Roman
Ready to see the pad, Niko?

Niko (sullen)
Eh, why not?

(They go inside and climb a flight of battered stairs before stopping outside a scratched and dented door. Roman opens it, sweeping his arms about a grubby little apartment with a single fold out couch.)

Niko (unaffected)
This is it?

Roman (enthusiastic)
Yeah, baby! Pretty sweet, isn't it?

(He grabs a newspaper off of the nearby kitchen counter and smashes a roach scuttling along the wall with it. He sets the paper back where he got it from, then hops onto the foldout couch.)

Roman (staring at ceiling)
Pretty great, huh?

Niko (sarcastic)
If by that you mean depressing, smelly, and generally gross, then yes, it is pretty great.

(He sits on a dingy recliner and kicks off his shoes before reclining.)

Niko (yawning)
Goodnight, Cousin.

(He switches off the lights and the screen goes black.)
Last edited by Loller65 on Mon Jul 19, 2010 12:02 am, edited 1 time in total.
"There are no absolute rules of conduct, either in peace or war. Everything depends on circumstances."


-Leon Trotsky-
  





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126 Reviews



Gender: Male
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Reviews: 126
Sun Jul 18, 2010 8:18 am
Vasticity says...



Hey. I liked this, I guess there's just a few things I have problems with.... like, for instance, all these things:

1. Formatting

(Ext-Evening. The sun is beginning to dip beneath the horizon over a city that bears a striking resemblance to New York. We see several aerial shots of the city in the twilight, and then, as we hear a radio talk show host begin talking, it begins a slow journey towards the docks)


First off, the Ext thing you have at the beginning is really weird. You can't have a heading for your scene inside of an action. It needs to be this:
EXT. CITY-EVENING
The sun is beginning to dip beneath the horizon over a city that bears a striking resemblance to New York. We see several aerial shots of the city in the twilight, and then, as we hear a radio talk show host begin talking, it begins a slow journey towards the docks.


EXT. stands for Exterior. You can't have the exterior of an evening. You need to put INT. or EXT., your location, and what time of day it is (all caps) and then you need to have either your dialog or your action one enter space below. Also, don't put actions in parentheses. I don't blame you for this one, I made this mistake and I only just recently figured out it's unnesescary.

(A rich looking blonde man looks at the passenger with disgust as a slim woman (obviously a wife he bought) climbs into the car. The passenger walks away)
this sequence in red is out of place. Just say, A rich looking blonde man looks at the passenger with disgust as a slim mail-order bride climbs into the car. (Or something to that effect.
(The passenger (Niko) stands and embraces Roman. After a moment, they separate and Roman grabs Niko's bags.)


We know the passenger is Niko. Also, in Niko's first line of dialog, you spell it Miko.

Roman (getting happy, almost like a zealous pastor at the pulpit)
This isn't the real Liberty City, Niko...this is the place for people like you! (he laughs, then realized he is not helping his case) I mean, the people who aren't like you. They had a rough go of it, sure, but they didn't try to change their circumstances, but you're gonna start all over right? And then...we're going straight to the top, baby!


As you can see, there are two problems here. The first part is a common mistake. When you use a Parenthetical, which is either a small action or a character's behavior when he says his dialog, you can't include descriptions. A parenthetical has to be very small. If you want descriptions for what that character is doing, put it in a seperate action before the dialog. The next mistake? You can't have actions inside of dialog. What you need to do is this:
This isn't the real Liberty City, Niko...this is the place for people like you!
(Roman laughs, then realizes he is not helping his case)
I mean, the people who aren't like you.


I only put that in parentheses because it doesn't make any sense if I don't. You do this two things multiple times throughout the script. There are also some spelling and punctuation errors throughout it. I would do the rest, but this is getting too long. If you want all the basics on screenwriting, check this out: http://www.scriptfrenzy.org/eng/howtoformatascreenplay Keep writing!
And the angel said unto him, “stop hitting yourself, stop hitting yourself.” But lo, he could not stop, for the angel was hitting him with his own hands.
  





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31 Reviews



Gender: Male
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Mon Jul 19, 2010 12:03 am
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Loller65 says...



I figured there were a few people who had never played this and wouldn't know, so I put (Niko) in parentheses.
"There are no absolute rules of conduct, either in peace or war. Everything depends on circumstances."


-Leon Trotsky-
  








Perfect kindness acts without thinking of kindness.
— Lao Tse