Young Writers Society

Roles:
VANESSA, 19, eldest daughter of James Cadmus
REBECCA, 15, her sister; youngest daughter of James Cadmus
JANE, 46, their mother
AARON, 24, brother of REBECCA and VANESSA, missing for twelve years
FREDRIC, 32, JANE’s second husband, stepfather of VANESSA and REBECCA
BRIANNA, 16, JENIFER’s friend, living with JENIFER’s family because her parents died in a fire.
MATTHEW, 25, their footman, son of a former slave who moved to England for work
JOSIAH, 36, BRIANNA’s father, an alcoholic
JENIFER, 17, cousin of REBECCA and VANESSA
NICHOLAS, 17, her brother, a seminary student
CHARLOTTE, 25, JANE’s maidservant
NATHAN, 50, a gamekeeper
GHOST, the ghost of James Cadmus

The play takes place in the Cadmus house at Birnam Hill, a fictional location near the Yorkshire moors, England, during the early late 19th to early 20th centuries







Act One
The Parlor
AT RISE- It is night. The room is elegantly furnished, with a coffee table in the center and a fire place upstage center in the back wall, with a fire poker beside it on a rack. Behind the coffee table is an ornately decorated couch, and there are chairs on either side of the coffee table. Upstage right there is a staircase. There are two doors, one stage right, and one is stage left. JANE is seated on the couch, dressed in a nightgown, her face buried in the cushions.

[enter MATTHEW and FREDRIC, coming down from the staircase]
FREDRIC. There she is.
MATTHEW. You said she does this every night?
FREDRIC. For the past four years at exactly midnight, she comes down the stairs and sleeps on that couch. I don’t understand it.
MATTHEW. Why don’t you go and wake her?
FREDRIC. I mustn’t do that.
MATTHEW. Why not? You are her husband, after all.
FREDRIC. I can’t bring myself to.
MATTHEW. Are you scared?
FREDRIC. I am.
MATTHEW. Why would you be scared of your own wife?
FREDRIC. Have your years studying at Liverpool wiped you of your knowledge of the relationship between Jane and I?
MATTHEW. I assume it was the same as when I left.
FRREDRIC. Well, it’s not. That’s part of the reason I’m scared. I don’t know what to do, Matthew. I can’t talk to her anymore. Every time I try to speak to her she either mumbles a few words before turning her back to me, or says nothing at all.
MATTHEW. I thought you two were very much in love, that’s the way I saw you when I left for school.
FREDRIC. Well, we’ve grown distant in the past few years. Ever since she started doing this four years ago.
MATTHEW. And you have neglected to speak to her for four years on the subject?
FREDRIC. Yes.
MATTHEW. My god, sir, she’s your wife and you haven’t spoken to her about this when it’s been going on for four years!
FREDRIC. I know it’s a long time, but I don’t know how to speak to her anymore, ever since she started being like this she’s transformed, she’s like a different person.
MATTHEW. So what do you want me to do about it?
FREDRIC. Go and find Charlotte. She’s the closest to Jane.
MATTHEW. Why not Vanessa, or Rebecca, her own daughters ought to be closer than her maid…
FREDRIC. I do not want to disturb them.
MATTHEW. And why did you decide to do something about it today?
FREDRIC. My niece and nephew, Jenifer and Nicholas, are coming to visit for a few days. I should not like for them to see my wife in this condition. It may frighten them.
MATTHEW. With all due respect, sir, if this is going on it is hardly the time for guests.
FREDRIC. Their mother insisted that they come, being that they’ve never met me before.
MATTHEW. Didn’t they see you at James’s funeral?
FREDRIC. Matthew, the funeral was but three days after he died. Jane was grieving at the time.
MATTHEW. Yes, but she married you but three weeks later! That is hardly time fir a widow to grieve…
FREDRIC. [sternly] Please, hold your tongue, Matthew.
MATTHEW. [with restraint] My apologies, sir.
FREDRIC. Now, go and to as I asked you.
MATTHEW. [persistently] I still don’t understand why you won’t speak to your own wife…
FREDRIC. Please, Matthew, just go find Charlotte and all will be well.
MATTHEW. But…
FREDRIC. Please, go.
[MATTHEW exits up the stairs. FREDRIC remains, stares at his sleeping wife, then goes up the stairs as well. The lights go down. There is an eerie silence. JANE tosses and turns on the couch as if she is having a nightmare. CHARLOTTE comes down the staircase, holding a small candelabra. MATTHEW is seen behind her, and he points to the couch, as if telling her to go there. She slowly approaches the couch. JANE tosses and turns more fitfully and CHARLOTTE puts her hand on JANE’s shoulder and says:]
CHARLOTTE. Madam?
[JANE suddenly awakens and screams with terror. CHARLOTTE is taken aback. JANE looks at CHARLOTTE, startled]
JANE. Charlotte, it’s only you.
CHARLOTTE. It’s alright, madam. [comes forward and sits on the couch with her and puts her arm around her, as if consoling her]
JANE. Forgive me for screaming.
CHARLOTTE. Was it a nightmare?
JANE. Oh, yes. Every night it’s the same terrible dream.
CHARLOTTE. What is the dream?
JANE. I don’t want to talk about it.
CHARLOTTE. If you talk about it, you’ll feel better.
JANE. No, I mustn’t.
MATTHEW. [coming down from the stairs] Madam, are you alright?

JANE. Fine, fine Matthew. Just a bad dream, that’s all.
MATTHEW. Madam, if I we may speak alone…
JANE. Fine. [to CHARLOTTE] Charlotte, be a dear, go into the kitchen and make us all a pot of tea, will you? I always drink some tea when I’m under stress.
CHARLOTTE. Yes, madam. [exits]
MATTHEW. Madam, if I may ask you something.
JANE. But of course.
MATTHEW. M’lady, your husband told me that his nephew and niece will be coming to visit for a few days.
JANE. They will.
MATTHEW. When?
JANE. They were supposed to come here tonight, but they sent me a message that, because of the dreadful weather, they will try to make it here tonight, but they probably won’t arrive until morning.
MATTHEW. Ah.
JANE. It’s nearly midnight, Matthew, we best finish our tea and go to bed quickly.
MATTHEW. You would invite your servants to drink tea with you?
JANE. But of course, it might not be a common practice, but I do it.
[pause]
MATTHEW. Madam, I was talking to your husband earlier this evening. He is very concerned for your well being.
JANE. What does he have to be concerned about?
MATTHEW. Madam, you’ve been having nightmares every night for the last four years, I didn’t know this at first, for I’ve only been back from school for a week now, and he fears that you might…
JANE. What?
MATTHEW. That you might qualify as… insane.
JANE. I am perfectly fine, Matthew, and you know that, it’s… it’s something in the air, that’s it.
MATTHEW. It cannot be something in the air, madam, I assure you of that, things in the air do not cause nightmares…
JANE. [suddenly angry] Matthew, please. I will have no more of this. Your insolence will not be tolerated!
MATTHEW. But madam…
JANE. Go back to your room!
MATTHEW. But…
JANE. Go!
[MATTHEW exits through the stage right door. CHARLOTTE enters with a tray with a tea pot and small cups on it.]
CHARLOTTE. Here, Madam [sets tray on table]
JANE. Thank you.
CHARLOTTE. Madam, if I may ask you something…
JANE. What is it?
CHARLOTTE. These dreams you keep having, what are they?
JANE. [sighing heavily, standing] I knew that sometime the time would come for me to tell. Every night it’s the same dream. I’m standing in a room. The walls are red, and there are no doors or windows.
CHARLOTTE. What happens?
JANE. I first notice that there is blood on my hands. I try to rub it off, but I can’t. The blood just stays put, like it’s embedded in my skin.
CHARLOTTE. Like that scene in Macbeth.
JANE. [reciting] “Out, damn’ed spot, out I say”. You’ve studied Shakespeare, I imagine.
CHARLOTTE. Yes. Please continue.
JANE. [sighs] Then I see a figure seem to come through the wall. Right through it,
CHARLOTTE. Like a ghost?
JANE. [after a pause] Yes, like a ghost. And I ask him to show me his face. He does.
CHARLOTTE. What does it look like?
JANE. It looks just like James.
CHARLOTTE. James?
JANE. [absorbed in her memories, not paying attention to CHARLOTTE] Yes. And he reaches his hand out to me, and says “Why, why, why, why…” [she’s screaming] And then he takes his hand and he… [screams, then collapses on the ground]
CHARLOTTE. Ah! [comes to JANE’s side and strokes her back, trying to comfort her] We won’t talk about your dream anymore, alright? Everything is going to be fine.
JANE. [recovering] Forgive me. Forgive me. [CHARLOTTE helps her up]
CHARLOTTE. It’s alright madam.
JANE. I don’t know what came over me.
CHARLOTTE. Should I leave you alone, madam?
JANE. No, please stay.
[Enter MATTHEW from the stage right door]
MATTHEW. Madam, a Mr. Nathan Tate to see you.
JANE. [breathless] Nathan the game keeper?
MATTHEW. Yes. [pause] Madam, is everything alright? You seem a bit shaken…
JANE. No, everything is alright. Tell Nathan to come in. [exit MATTHEW.] What could Nathan want at this house?
CHARLOTTE. We haven’t spoken to him since… you know…
[Re-enter MATTHEW and enter NATHAN from the stage right door]
MATTHEW. Here he is. [exits]
NATHAN. Pleasure to see you, miss.
JANE. [suspiciously] The pleasure’s all mine. What do you want at this time of night.
NATHAN. It’s sort of a long story, miss.
JANE. Tell.
NATHAN. It’s like this. I was counting my grouse earlier this evening, and saw that one had run off.
JANE. Run off?
NATHAN. I’d left the pen a crack open, on accident. And one of them had run off. I figured that the grouse couldn’t have run very far…
JANE. I thought grouses could fly?
NATHAN. The ones I keep are domesticated. They can’t. Anyway, I searched all over the place for it, but I couldn’t find it. It was pouring rain, and I decided to give up. I started to walk to the road that lead back to my house, when I saw a cab on the side of the road.
JANE. A cab?
NATHAN. Got stuck in the mud. [sound effect: thunder] Christ, it’s raining something awful.
JANE. Who was in the cab?
NATHAN. Five people. Three were younger girls, one was an old man, another was a young man. They said they were coming to see you.
JANE. They are my relatives. They were supposed to come to visit me tonight.
NATHAN. Hm.
JANE. Where are they?
NATHAN. About half a mile down the road. I’m going to go back there shortly to help them get their coach out of the mud.
JANE. I’ll send someone in a moment.
NATHAN. Will do, miss. [exits]
[enter MATTHEW]
MATTHEW. Has the gentleman left?
JANE. He has.
MATTHEW. Will there be anything else, madam?
JANE. Yes. Please get dressed and go about a half a mile down the road to the right. There will be a coach stuck in the mud there. It is cousin Jenifer’s.
MATTHEW. In such weather?
JANE. Please, go Matthew. Nathan will also be there to help you.
MATTHEW. Very good. [exits]
[blackout]

Hello, Writer! ^_^ It's nice to see a post in scripts, and just from the introduction and list of characters, I can tell this might be a refreshing dip into the past. One quick thing about your 'dramatis personae' (I think that's what it's called):

MATTHEW, 25, their footman, son of a former slave who moved to England for work

This is ambiguous because we don't know if Matthew moved to England for work or if his father did. It might not be THE most important detail, but it would be good to clear it up. Okay, on to the script!

FREDRIC. Have your years studying at Liverpool wiped you of your knowledge of the relationship between Jane and I?

One thing that I recommend that you practice with this script is to read all the lines aloud and see if they sound awkward to you. I know it seems tedious to actually sit down and do this, but it's helpful. For example, this line is winding and rather hard to say. In addition, the phrase 'wiped you of your knowledge' is awkward. I understand that you're going for a different kind of speaking style than is common today, but make sure that it doesn't become hard to understand or hard to listen to, especially when you're writing a script to be performed.

MATTHEW. I assume it was the same as when I left.

Watch the tense here. I think that you were either going to put a 'd' at the end of assumed to make it past to match 'was', or you forgot to put 'is' instead of 'was'.

MATTHEW. I thought you two were very much in love, that’s the way I saw you when I left for school.

Even though this is a script, the punctuation is very important. The actors that could possibly be reading this script look to the punctuation to see how the sentence will go. The way you've punctuated Matthew here, it seems as if he's rushing through everything and not giving any importance to his words, because they're connected by only a small pause (the comma). But his words seem to say that he does indeed take this matter seriously, and if you read the two sentences with a period in between, it seems much more grave and grounded. Furthermore, it's a grammatical error called a comma splice which happens when you connect two complete sentences with only a comma.

FREDRIC. Well, we’ve grown distant in the past few years. Ever since she started doing this four years ago.

I applaud your efforts to put the exposition in the lines! This is the most difficult thing to do with scripts, in my opinion: get enough of the backstory in that the audience isn't confused as to where we are or who we are. However, in this section you say 'four years ago' too many times. It's clear without even giving a number because you say that Matthew went off to study, which would take at least a year. Unless the exact number of years is extremely important, you don't need to keep driving the point home. Here you might say 'We've grown distant in the past few years, ever since she started... this', and it might be able to communicate Frederic's frustration a little better. Still, you know what you're doing with the backstory! Good job!

Another little note here: you should feel free to take out all the unnecessary words like 'well'. It just bogs down the script, and if it's not necessary to the actual sentence, leave the mannerisms in your description of the character or the actor's interpretation rather than in weak, pointless words.

MATTHEW. With all due respect, sir, if this is going on it is hardly the time for guests.

Through this section you repeat a lot of 'oh, this is happening, this is going on,' etc. I think this line would be neater if you would just say 'With all due respect, sir, it is hardly the time for guests', since the audience already knows what the pair is talking about.

FREDRIC. Their mother insisted that they come, being that they’ve never met me before.

Doesn't this sound awkward to you? You can probably just make this two sentences. 'Their mother insisted that they come. They've never met me before.'

and he points to the couch, as if telling her to go there.

You can take the last part of this off, because if he's pointing to the couch, the audience will definitely know what that means!

MATTHEW. That you might qualify as… insane.

This seems to come out of the blue because from what we've seen, Frederic never mentions that word and they didn't really go upstairs to continue their conversation at all. If this features in your plot later, that Matthew's taking over Frederic's relationship with Jane through hear-say, then I think it's really interesting! Consider that sort of dynamic, otherwise just stick to what the previous conversation included.

JANE. They were supposed to come here tonight, but they sent me a message that, because of the dreadful weather, they will try to make it here tonight, but they probably won’t arrive until morning.

I don't think that 'they will try to make it here tonight' is necessary at all. The word 'probably' implies that they're still trying, instead of saying 'but they're staying in an inn tonight and will arrive tomorrow morning'. Know what I mean?



JANE'S CHARACTER

One place where I was having difficulty with this script was in determining Jane's character.

I always drink some tea when I’m under stress.

This line makes her seem a little frivolous or silly.

JANE. But of course, it might not be a common practice, but I do it.

While this line seems to try to put her in a light of independence. It seems as if you want us to see her as someone who goes against convention and accepts her servants as people, but later she commands Matthew to leave as if she is using her power of authority against him.

If you haven't already, sit down and think about what type of person Jane is. You can think about how she is as a wife, or how she changed as a wife, between James and Frederic. And how she is as an employer, especially the difference between Charlotte, Matthew, and Nathan.

Overall, I haven't seen anything new or exciting to make me want to read the next portion of this script, so you may want to consider introducing some kind of unique conflict in this first section. Just a hint: maybe make it more clear that Matthew is undermining everything. Or give us a reason we should be suspicious of Nathan. We know that Jane is, but we don't know why and so we don't feel the same way.

Keep writing! Let me know if you post more and also feel free to PM me if you have any questions, okay?

-Hannah-

Liked it! I admit, stories about ghosts are really weird, but this one was great!