Young Writers Society

I don't really know how, but this is supposed to be a submission to Lauren's script contest. It's really short, but it's supposed to be kind of funny...

"It's that time of day, Millie!"

"No!"

*Sighs* "Get your pajamas on."

"No."

"1..."

"No!"

"2..."

"No!"

"3..."

"Nooooo!"

"Time out, Millie."

"I won't!"

"You will"

"No."

*Stern* "Do you want your new yoyo?"

"No!"

"Do you want dessert?"

"No!"

"Do you want dessert for the rest of the week?"

"No!"

"Do you want dessert for the rest of the year?"

*Hesitates* "Maybe."

Hey!

I'm no expert on scripts - not at all - but I really liked this! It made me giggle at the end and it's funny because it's so true! Millie reminds me of myself as a little kid.

The only thing that I'm not to keen on is the title. It's just a bit, meh...? This is just my personal opinion, but I think you should change it into something a bit more witty. The word normal in a title is never very good! I'm sure you'll be able to think of a really good title!

I haven't really got much else to say! Overall, I really loved this. It was short and simple, but at the same time, it was very sweet.

As for the contest thing, just notify Lauren that you're entering her contest by PMing her or writing in her contests thread. She'll explain to you how everything works.

Keep writing!

xoxo Skins

I agree with Skins, here. I'm not an expert at scripts, so I couldn't even begin to comment on the finer parts of this, but from the outset, it was clever and made me laugh, too. The ending was good as well - I only wish the script had been longer! A bit more action in there would have been interesting, and you could try throwing in another character - a sibling or a parent - as well. Keep it light, keep it funny. Good work!

It was pretty funny, it made me laugh. But, I have to be the big stickler, and show you how to make proper scripts. First off, this is not a book. You see, you use quotations around your dialog. You need to do this. add your character's name, capatalized, with a colon or a hyphen after it, no space. Then, press enter, and type your dialog in below the character's name. Example: instead of this:

"Do you want dessert for the rest of the week?"

do this:

MILLIE'S MOTHER:
Do you want dessert for the rest of the week?.

Okay? Then, also there's this:

*Stern* "Do you want your new yoyo?"

You need to put whatever action or expression of any and all characters in brackets or parentheses, and don't add any punctuations at the end. Instead of the example before, do this:

(Millie's mother looks away for a moment, stern)
MILLIE'S MOTHER:
Do you want your new yoyo?

And also, don't add such short dialog, it seems very forced and awkward to read. I recommend you download a little program called CeltX if you're really interested in scripts. It'll format your script automatically. I use it, and I don't write anything without it. Keep on writing!