Young Writers Society

Due to a drop in actors, I had to rewrite. Three characters have been taken from the film.

Scavengers (Scene Eight)

(We fade to an empty patch of gravel. A foot suddenly lands on the patch, creating a smoke cloud that engulfs the view of the camera. We cut to Adrian, slowly stumbling his way toward the camera, from a distance. He is holding his side tight, with blood all around the area he is gripping. Grunting with each step, he slowly makes it past the camera. We cut to Adrian, leaving the Outskirts, and going out onto the road that leads to TriOpolis. We cut to Cody, who is reading a car magazine. There is suddenly a loud knocking. Cody puts the magazine down, and answers the door. Adrian falls in, onto the floor)

CODY:
Adrian! Jesus, I thought you were dead!

ADRIAN:
I was. Get me to Dr. Gilmore, fast. We don't have much time before Norman's going to come into town.

(We cut to the two of them, walking away from a building. Adrian rubs his side, inhaling sharply as he does)

CODY:
How'd you figure out what he was going to do?

ADRIAN:
He said it as he walked away. The only thing is, I don't know when he's planning the raid.

CODY:
What do you think he's going to do when he gets here?

ADRIAN:
If I know Norman, and I do, his plan is: Kill everyone, take their supplies.

CODY:
How are we supposed to let people know?

ADRIAN:
There's a loudspeaker in the church. Powered by a generator. Turn the generator on, then say the message.

CODY:
Where is it?

ADRIAN:
The bell room. Say the message, then ring the bell. Tell everyone to evacuate as fast as they can.

(Adrian walks towards the camera, leaving Cody behind)

CODY:
Wait, wait! What are you going to do?

ADRIAN:
I'm gonna get ready. Find me at the garage when you're finished.

(Adrian walks past the camera, and we cut to the sun, setting in the distance)

Scavengers (Scene Eight) Review:



Characters: I think there could've been a little more work to Cody and Adrian. Like personality wise, they seem a little flat if you ask me. Like not enough work done on them, as if they are just puppets. I think you should've given them more of a personality.

Grammar: Needs some work. I know, I'm not the best either but you could still have gone through and fixed it a little. I did do some, which is what the spoiler is for!

PS. It's a lot better then my grammar skills, so I can't really talk.

Structure: Everything in brackets should've been in Italics. (Boring I know, but my teacher is very strict about things in brackets and the whole Italics combo) Thought you could get me, nah, nah I place everything brackets in italics! Muhahaha! Just joking. Also with your sentences, put your writing next to the name who is speak, and also place action through your script. It is only them talking, and that's why I think that characters were flat.

Overall:Could use some work with the small itsy bitsy details I said, otherwise a very good script. Pm when more comes out.