Young Writers Society

Due to a drop in actors, I had to rewrite. 3 characters have been taken from the film.

Scavengers (Scene three)

(We cut to Adrian, sleeping in his bed. He rolls over, and suddenly, the alarm sounds. We cut to a close-up of his eyes opening. We cut to Adrian, running down the steps, now fully dressed. He walks out into the garage, where Cody is waiting)

ADRIAN:

How many?

CODY:

It's just Norman.

ADRIAN:

What?

CODY:

Take a look.

(Adrian takes the binoculars from Cody's hands, and looks through them. We cut to a first-person shot of Norman, walking down the street towards the bridge. We cut back to Adrian, who hands the binoculars back to Cody)

ADRIAN:

All right, I'm heading down there. Come with me. I'm sure he's got something planned.

(We cut to Norman, approaching the bridge. Adrian and Cody walk into the view of the camera, and Norman stops)

NORMAN:

Hello there.

ADRIAN:

Where's your lackeys, Norman?

NORMAN:

I gave them the day off. They work so hard, I figured I'd just collect this time.

ADRIAN:

Collect, huh?

NORMAN:

Oh, yes, you see... Since we've got all the power, we figured we should collect a little more frequently.

ADRIAN:

These people may be afraid of you, but even they're not going to put up with this.

NORMAN:

Well, we've got a driving factor that puts us one step ahead of the game.

ADRIAN:

Your bodyguards? They're not enough against 130 people.

NORMAN:

Oh, you misunderstood.

(Norman pulls out a gun from his coat pocket, and cocks it. Cody takes a step backward, and Adrian gets a distressed look on his face)

ADRIAN:

Jesus.

CODY:

Is that real?

NORMAN:

Of course.

ADRIAN:

It can't be real. There hasn't been a gun for years.

NORMAN:

No, there hasn't. But if you were to build one...

(Norman fires the gun in the air, making Adrian and Cody jump slightly)

NORMAN:

...Then you'd have all the power in the world.

(Norman cocks the gun, and aims it at Adrian)

NORMAN:

Now then, I think collection is overdue.

(Adrian's face becomes angry, and the camera eases in slowly. He grabs Norman's gun-wielding hand, and forces it into the air. Norman punches Adrian in the face, causing him to fall to the ground. Norman aims the gun at Adrian once more)

NORMAN:

You have no idea how long I've wanted to do this.

(Cody suddenly tackles Norman to the ground, and he loses the gun. Norman reaches over and grabs the weapon again, and aims at Cody. Cody reaches down and crushes Norman's knee with his hand. Norman screams and flinches harshly in pain. Cody rolls off, and helps Adrian onto his feet)

CODY:

Come on!

(The two run onto a set of train tracks, towards a field in the distance. Adrian looks over, and the camera turns to a thicket of tall grass to their left)

ADRIAN:

In here!

(He leads Cody into the thicket, and they sit down, hidden from sight. We cut to Norman, clenching his knee in pain. He grabs the gun, and props himself up onto the cane, limping vigorously. He walks down the train tracks, following their steps. We cut to a first-person shot, from the thicket, of Norman walking into sight. We cut to Adrian, who has put a finger up to his mouth. The camera pans to the right to Cody, who holds his breath. We cut back to Norman. He looks around, then continues on. Cody quietly exhales)

CODY:

Oh my god.

ADRIAN:

A gun. But how?

(We fade to black)

Getting reviews on scripts is tough. It's even tougher when it gets posted in parts. What I'd suggest is that when you're done, post the whole thing in the Advanced Critiques forum. That way you can get a review on the whole thing.


In any case, there's not much to review here because it's so short. However, I did find the scene directions at the end to be quite confusing. You have Ross leaving with no indication that he's exited any door. Then you have Ian hitting him in the back of the head, and then Ian reaches for a door handle to get to Norman. Yet, there's been no indication that Ross has left that room.

Norman then shoots Ian, but then you cut to this completely out-of-the-blue scene where Norman is holding Ian's body in a field. Where in the world did that come from?

Hey Vast-izzle!

Once again, I am intrigued by your scripts!

I have the same critique as Nate. Perhaps add more dialogue about how Norman shoots Ian or the whole Ross-with-the-door part.

Great script! Notify me when part 4 is on!

*Taylor*

SCENE FOUR! CAN'T WAIT!

Yeah, more dialogue would be great...It makes things easier to understand. You have mostly stage directions now, and it's a bit hard to follow. I wish it was a little longer so I can learn more about Adrian and all the other good guys and their society. I guess I understand the part how Norman ends with leaving Ian's body in a field. You've got to dump the body somewhere. Poor Ian, hopefully the good guys will pull through.