FADE IN
INT. KIM’S HOUSE - LIVING ROOM - DAY
Ted, dressed in a pink housecoat, with sleep-tousled hair, is drinking a cup of coffee. PHOTOGRAPHS of Kim and her family are everywhere in the room. They hang from walls, are displayed on the mantelpiece, etc. Ted browses through them, drinking his coffee, peering closely at all the pictures that include Kim. He picks up one and smiles at it fondly. Still holding the picture, he turns to the cat sprawled on the back of the sofa.
TED:
Where is Kimmy this morning? I haven’t seen her yet.
The cat blinks at him sleepily.
TED:
She doesn’t normally sleep in. I must have really exhausted her last night.
He grins in a way that could be read as suggestive, then takes another swallow of coffee while studying the picture once more.
INT. KIM’S HOUSE - KITCHEN - DAY
Ted is back in the kitchen, looking through the cupboards.
TED:
Where does she keep her food? The refrigerator’s friggin’ empty!
He slams a door.
TED:
(shouting)
Kim!
He bends backward to peer through the kitchen door to the stairs.
TED:
(shouting)
Kimmy?
(quieter)
Where is she? I need her!
He starts up the stairs, wearing a perplexed frown.
TED:
Kim?
INT. KIM’S HOUSE - UPPER HALLWAY - DAY
Ted makes his way down the hall, opening doors and peering in.
INT. KIM’S HOUSE - KIM’S BEDROOM - DAY
Ted knocks on the door. The room is empty.
TED (through the door):
Kim?
No answer. He opens the door and looks around. Something SCUFFLES in the bathroom. Ted grins knowingly. He goes and leans on the doorjamb.
TED:
Kim-kim, you in here?
There is no response, but he does not move.
TED:
I can work with the ducks this time if you come out.
Still no response.
TED:
Kim, this door isn’t going to keep me out. I broke it last night, remember?
He reaches for the handle, but just before he touches it, the door swings open. Kim stands just inside, brandishing a baseball bat.
TED:
Kimmy -
KIM:
Don’t call me that!
She swings the bat at his head.
ACT 1
INT. KIM’S HOUSE - KIM’S BEDROOM - DAY
Ted ducks under the bat. The bat slams into the doorframe above his head and he leaps forward to slam into Kim. She stumbles back into the shower curtain and trips over the edge of the tub. She winces in anticipation of her head hitting the tub, but there is no impact. Ted has grabbed the front of her shirt and she is dangling an inch above the soap shelf in the tub.
TED:
Are you hungry? Is that why you’re crabby? I’m hungry. That’s why I’m crabby. I’m definitely not in the mood to be playing games, Kim. Let’s not play games, okay?
Kim nods. He pulls her to her feet. She jerks away from his grip on her shirt. He looks her up and down.
TED:
Get dressed. The ducks have grown on me, but not that much. Then I need you to show me where your food is. I’ve had a grand total of one cup of milk and one cup of coffee in my entire existence outside of your head and I finally understand why you humans spend so much time eating.
He turns and starts out the door.
TED:
Hurry up, Kimmy.
KIM:
Don’t call me that.
TED:
Don’t try to hit me with baseball bats.
They glare at one another. Ted makes an exasperated face and sighs.
TED:
Really? We almost had it there. Those ducks…
He waves his hand dismissively and walks out of the room. Kim sinks down on the edge of the tub, resting her head in her hands. The cat comes in and surveys the dented doorframe, the curtain rod pulled down, and Kim’s dismay.
CAT:
You tried to attack him again? Honestly, that’s just going to annoy him and slow down our progress. A better idea would just be to cooperate.
KIM:
(tearfully)
Where’s the fun in that?
CAT:
Seriously -
KIM:
I know… I know…
She wipes her eyes on her pajama sleeve.
KIM:
How long have you guys been out of my head?
CAT:
48 hours? Maybe a little bit over.
KIM:
Has he really not eaten in all that time?
CAT:
I guess not. I haven’t been paying much attention. I was eating your cat’s food.
TED (O.S.):
Kim! Where are you? Why the hell isn’t this stupid cat-
He appears in the doorway with a cat by the scruff of its neck.
TED:
-talking to me?
CAT:
Hi, stupid.
KIM:
Bubby!
She runs forward and snatches the cat from Ted’s grasp. The cat grips at her shoulder and she croons comfortingly.
TED:
Aww, idn’t dat sweet? I’m going to completely ignore the face that you actually named your cat “Bubby”.
He grips Kim’s shoulders and steers her towards the door.
TED:
Forget clothes. I want food now.
He pushes her out into the hallway. The cat sighs and follows them.
INT. KIM’S HOUSE - KITCHEN - DAY
Ted is eating a mixing bowl filled with fruit loops. The cat is again drinking out of Kim’s mug, while she holds Bubby in her lap. Bubby regards the dream cat with suspicion, but the cat simply ignores it.
KIM:
I don’t like your plan.
TED:
(with his mouth full)
Tough. You’d like your dreams wandering around a lot less.
She glares at him as he shovels cereal into his mouth.
KIM:
I don’t know.
He grins at her, mouth still full. Then he swallows and sobers.
TED:
I’m serious, though. I’m your worst nightmare, but I’m not necessarily the most dangerous. Or, to rephrase that a bit more correctly, I’m terrifying, but I’m not usually given to physical violence.
Kim looks over at the cat, but it ignores her, steadfastly drinking from its mug.
TED:
However, there are dreams out there who’d love the opportunity to tear off a few limbs. You know that dream where you’re running away from something, but can’t seem to run as fast as you know you can? But the thing still hasn't reached you? Well what do you think that something would do to you if it actually caught you?
Kim blanches. Ted nods and takes another bite of cereal.
TED:
(with his mouth full)
We go with my plan. And I've got a present for you.
He holds up Kim’s car keys.
END OF ACT 1
ACT 2
INT. KIM’S CAR - DAY
Kim is driving the car through the city. Ted sits in the passenger seat, while the cat sits in the back seat, moving from window to window to see the passing objects.
TED:
So you agree we need to get at least the dangerous dreams out of the real world and back in your head.
KIM:
Wait… Back in my head?
Ted and the cat look at one another. Ted’s glare is cautionary.
TED:
Yeah. What did you think we were going to do with them?
KIM:
You want me to put something that dangerous back in my head?
TED:
It’s not dangerous in your head. Just scary.
CAT:
The story of your life, eh?
Ted turns and looks at the cat.
TED:
The story of your life might be ending soon.
The cat cowers down and looks at the seat.
KIM:
Knock it off.
They ride in silence for a while.
TED:
I’ve never ridden in a car before.
KIM:
I’ve never hunted down a nightmare before. Congratulations, it’s a day of firsts for both of us.
TED:
Don’t be nervous.
KIM:
I’m not nervous.
Another period of silence.
KIM:
You’ve given my back my keys. Are you planning on giving me back my cell phone any time soon?
TED:
Depends on how long you go without hitting me with baseball bats or hairdryers.
He looks out the windshield, his forehead furrowed in concentration.
TED:
Take a left up here.
KIM:
What, are you psychic now?
She does take a left. The car merges into traffic. Ahead of them looms a great OFFICE BUILDING. Ted looks up at it and chuckles.
KIM:
What’s so funny?
TED:
This guy is such a bastard. I wasn’t expecting this.
KIM:
(frantic)
What? What weren’t you expecting?
TED:
Do you know anyone in that building?
KIM:
I… I used to work here. I was a PA.
TED:
And?
KIM:
And what? I was a PA. Did office PA stuff.
TED:
Most people don’t have bone-chilling nightmares about PA’s, Kim. Most people also don’t have horrific nightmares about refrigerators either, but that’s different. Kimmy, what else? Why aren’t you a PA anymore?
KIM:
It wasn’t what I wanted to do.
TED:
And?
KIM:
That’s it.
TED:
I used to live in your head, Kim. And?
KIM:
(blushing uncomfortably)
My boss was a jerk.
Ted grins.
TED:
Do you mean just a jerk, or a “jerk”.
KIM:
Do I turn here?
TED:
(absently)
Well, that explains so much.
He slaps his knee and grins, looking out the window as Kim pulls into the parking lot.
TED:
‘K, ‘k, let’s do this thing.
INT. OFFICE BUILDING - LOBBY - DAY
Ted and Kim enter, arguing.
TED:
It says, right there on the sign: No Animals. It’s not my fault he manifested as a cat.
Kim just glares at him and grips her purse nervously. They stride right past the secretary’s desk. The SECRETARY (20s), a young blonde girl, makes a noise of protest. Ted waves his hand magnanimously as he passes, without breaking stride.
TED:
We’re his three o’clock. Sorry we’re late.
He takes Kim’s arm and they enter an elevator.
INT. OFFICE BUILDING - ELEVATOR - DAY
Ted pushes the button for the 14th floor and steps back.
KIM:
How do you know where he is?
TED:
Innate dream knowledge. Know about that?
They are silent for a moment.
KIM:
So how does this work? What am I doing?
TED:
So what did your boss do to you?
KIM:
I’m not discussing this with you.
TED:
Kimmy-
KIM:
Don’t call me that.
TED:
(talking right over her)
-The way to beat a dream is to figure out what it’s about. They lose some power that way. Then I just stick it back in your head.
Kim thinks about it.
KIM:
So what are you about?
TED:
Ten points to the smart lady.
He claps approvingly.
TED:
A hint: not really about refrigerators. But I ain’t telling. You need me.
KIM:
(under her breath)
Yeah, like I need a hole in the head.
TED:
So what’s this guy about?
END OF ACT 2
Gender:
Points: 42011
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