Young Writers Society

Hello all readers i would warmly like to take this opportunity to just show you what i have been working on for the last few hours. I hope you enjoy it and catches your attention, baring in mind this is the first script i have published onto this website.

Right, i would like to firstly to introduce myself and the background of the script i have written. I am an English teenager from London and i have always craved the idea of having dramatic scripts published and being a television and film director.

To warn you firstly the script contains some strong language and violence, it is very dramatic.
Right, the plot consists of a fourteen year old who returns from school to find out his father has died.

Enjoy.

Walking into his small Liverpudlian flat, Billy shuts the door firmly behind him. Billy's mum had been crying heavily and quickly drys her eyes.

Billy: y’right mum, didn’t get a detention this week, so you can leave £5 on the counter for the next time I go out ay. (laughs but looks suspicious at his mum.)

Mum: y’right hun. (wipes her eyes)

Billy: Whats wrong mum.

Mum: its nothing hun, just do me a favour and go and get a newspaper from the shop.

Billy: give me my £5 first and I might just consider…

Mum: billy stop it, I’m not in the fucking mood. (interrupts and cries heavily)

Billy: alright calm down mum, cant be anything too bad can it?

Mum: Its nothing billy, just go up stairs.

Billy: what do you mean its not nothing, something’s upset you.

Mum: Billy its nothing just go up stairs, please just leave me for five minutes.

Billy: mum I care about you, I wanna make sure you alright.

Mum: for the last time hun, just leave me for five minutes, I’ll fix you some egg on toast soon.

Billy: alright then. (looks down at a letter) ay whats this anyway.. (grabs letter)

Mum: (attempting to grab letter) Billy give me that now, give it!

Billy: (looking confused he steps back facing the window, his mum walking towards him). We sadly inform you that Ronald J Crane was found dead yesterday… (billy drops the letter staring at the floor.)

Mum: Look billy..

Billy: What the fuck (billy shouting). I don’t understand what this means. My dad’s dead (sarcastic expressions to reassure himself the letter is not true.)

Mum: How can you call him dad he left us billy, twelve years…

Billy: Shut up (grabbing his mums face) he’s my dad (screaming) he’s part of me.
Mum: look..

Billy: Shut up, when I asked you why u were upset you said it was nothing. You said it was nothing you fucking liar.

Mum: don’t you dare call me that, let me explain.

Billy: there’s nothing to explain is there, ive the fucking letter in my hand aint I?

Mum: (runs towards billy to snatch the letter out of his hand)

Billy: (pushes his mum away) back off. (continues reading the letter) Found in his flat in London after a herion overdose. (drops letter, storms out the house kicking his gate down and running through to the woods near him. Billy’s mum falls down onto the carpet crying heavily.


It means nothing – stereophonics.

I started to read and then I had to bring myself to a hault. There are a lot of mistakes in this script here. 1) You are not capitalizing the beginning of the dialouge in a lot of places. 2) You are not including a lot of commas in places where there should be. 3) Since this is a script, you must put actions in italic. There you go, fix those errors up Will, and this should be a lot better.

Hi!

As Kiki dear has said, there's a lot of mistakes here. Each dialogue string should begin with a capital letter.

A few times throughout this, you use U instead of You. U is not a word, it's a letter, therefore, it's rendering your sentence uncomprehensible.

However, you did an excellent job highlighting the scene. I do feel that the usage of language was rather uncalled for, unless it's a prominent word in their vocabulary. You did, however, do a good job with their reactions, although I must say that the end was a bit rushed.

Nice work on this, dear! Scripts are hard things to master.

June