Young Writers Society

Jade, Danny and Zack are in their drama class waiting for their teacher, Miss Leech. The three of them are sitting on the floor. Jade is sitting cross legged while Danny and Zack are messing about and play fighting. All of the other kids are talking among themselves.

JADE: (Rolling her eyes) You two are so immature.

Danny and Zack stop play fighting after hearing Jade's comment.

ZACK: No we're not.

DANNY: We're bored. (Shrugs) We've got nothing better to do.

JADE: Miss Leech will be here soon and she won't be very impressed if she finds you messing about.

DANNY: (Proudly) I always mess about. (Pauses) Miss won't be coming anytime soon.

JADE: And why is that?

DANNY: Because she's out hunting.

JADE: What...?

ZACK: Don't you know?

JADE: Know what?

ZACK: (Talking as if Jade is dumb) Miss Leech is a vampire!

Jade rolls her eyes and sighs heavily.

DANNY: Yep. She's out hunting at the moment to make sure she doesn't end up sucking one of the students blood. You know what those vampires are like when they smell blood!

JADE: (Stupidly) I highly doubt that our drama teacher is a vampire.

ZACK: Have you ever seen her eating any food?

JADE: No, but I've seen her drinking water.

ZACK: Yes but that's to help her thirst so she doesn't attack a human. (Pauses and thinks) And have you actually looked inside her mug while she's drinking? There could be blood in there, and how come she always wears turtle neck sweaters then, even in the summer?

JADE: (Speaks slowly) I don't know...

DANNY: To cover the scar form her vampire bites!

Miss Leech finally arrives and stands in front of the class. She claps twice to get every one's attention and the whole class becomes silent.

MISS LEECH: Right then, class, today we are going to do a drama based on Gothic tales.

Danny and Zack turn to Jade and raise both of their eyebrows.

MISS LEECH: Here's the script. (Miss. Leech hands out a script to every pupil) Groups of three please.

The children pick their groups. Jade, Danny and Zack are in a group together. The class stand in their groups and rehearse their script.

ZACK: (In a transylvanian accent) I want to suck your blood!

JADE: Shut up.

DANNY: Face it, Jade, Miss is a vampire.

JADE: (Impatiently) Can we just read the script please?

DANNY: You can't deny it. She's always late for lessons because she's out hunting, she has unnaturally pointy teeth because they're kick ass fangs. She always hides her neck so no one can see her bites. Plus, she dresses like an absolute goth.

ZACK: And have you heard her transylvanian accent? (Nodding his head) She is a proper vampire.

JADE: Vampires have red eyes.

ZACK: Only when they want to show it.

DANNY: Or when they are thirsty.

JADE: (Annoyed) I give up! (Crosses her arms) I'm going to ask Miss Leech if I can swap groups.

Jade stands up and walks towards Miss Leech, still rather annoyed, while Danny and Zack are left laughing behind her.

JADE: Miss, can I swap groups please?

MISS LEECH: (Turning her head) Why is that?

JADE: Danny and Zack are being really immature.

MISS LEECH: There's no one else you can go with sorry Jade.

Jade sighs. She turns around and heads back to her group looking disappointed.

ZACK: (Laughing) I hope she didn't bite you. Well, then again...

Jade ignores Zack's comment and turns her head casually in Miss Leech's direction. As she is turning her head back in the boys' direction, she sees Miss Leech's eyes glisten a slightly red colour. Jade is facing the boys and looking rather confused.

ZACK: What's wrong?

JADE: Ummm... nothing.

Jade turns her head back to Miss Leech's direction and Miss Leech smiles back at her with a mouth full of white, piercing teeth.

Hey there! That was a pretty good script for your first try! I'm not sure I can give you advice on the finer points of script-making because I'm not a script-writer myself. Other than that, I think the characters were good, and seemed pretty realistic. I'm wondering about something though. When you have the three kids talking, why don't you just say Miss. Leech instead of "Miss"? One other thing as well.

Miss.Leech: Here's the script. (Miss.Anderson hands out a script to every pupil) Groups of three please.

You have Miss. Anderson here and everywhere else you have Miss. Leech. I'm guessing it's just a type-o, though.
Oh, yes, I think you need to put spaces between the period and Leech whenever you write Miss. Leech. I noticed that you didn't have any.
Let's see, there was something else I was going to point out to you. Oh! When you have the names where anyone's talking maybe you should put them in CAPS. I've seen it like that on a lot of scripts and it seems like a way to distinguish from the actual words they're speaking. And then at the very beginning when you have their names, put them in caps as well. Like this:

JADE, DANNY and ZACK are in their drama class waiting for their teacher, MISS. LEECH. The three of them are sitting on the floor. JADE is sitting cross legged while DANNY and ZACK are messing about and play fighting. All of the other kids are talking among themselves.

Sorry if this wasn't any help! Like I said, I've never written a script before either. I'm just mostly going by what I've seen other people do, so if something's not right, sorry! Anyway, it was interesting and kept my attention. (I can totally see my teacher from two years ago being a vampire! Haha. Then again, she could've just been a hag...) I hope you get a good grade on it! If you've got any questions feel free to PM me!

~SOUL~

I want you to keep going with this. I was actually interested in alot. (:
For a first time script its good. Put some twists into as you get farther into the script. I think youll do a good job.


-Kat_xD

I like it. Try to explain more of the students than of the teacher. It is hard to also see the setting. Try adding more people, but just as a backround. When having a vampire in today's world try to make the person seem like other aren't afraid of her, just that they don't want to get to know here. If you haven't already written the next part try to have a part where something dramtic happens that builds suspense. Good work!

Yay! This reminds me of a classic script. The people you really think are crazy are really the ones who are right. Reminds me of great works, like "A Wrinkle in Time". Basicly the same idea there, but it's great for plotlines such as yours.

I agree with the Miss Anderson bit, keep your characters consistent. When reading a script, it's a lot more confusing to understand than if it were being performed.

I suggest you keep working on this piece!

Megan White wrote:This is for my English assignment. I have to write a short script of a scene about anything. This script was actually inspired by my English teacher herself. I've never even tried to do a script before so don't expect anything amazing! Hope you enjoy!

Jade, Danny and Zack are in their drama class waiting for their teacher, Miss. Leech. The three of them are sitting on the floor. Jade is sitting cross legged while Danny and Zack are messing about and play fighting. All of the other kids are talking among themselves.

JADE: (Rolling her eyes) You two are so immature.

Danny and Zack stop play fighting after hearing Jade's comment.

ZACK: No we're not.

DANNY: We're bored (Shrugs) We've got nothing better to do.

JADE: Miss. Leech will be here soon and she won't be very impressed if she finds you messing about.

DANNY: (Proudly) I always mess about. (Pauses) Miss won't be coming anytime soon.

JADE: And why is that?

DANNY: Because she's out hunting.

JADE: What...?

ZACK: Don't you know?

JADE: Know what?

ZACK: (Talking as if Jade is dumb) Miss. Leech is a vampire!

Jade rolls her eyes and sighs heavily.

DANNY: Yep. She's out hunting at the moment to make sure she doesn't end up sucking one of the students blood. You know what those vampires are like when they smell blood!

JADE: (Stupidly) I highly doubt that our drama teacher is a vampire.

ZACK: Have you ever seen her eating any food?

JADE: No, but I've seen her drinking water.

ZACK: Yes but that's to help her thirst so she doesn't attack a human. (Pauses and thinks) And have you actually looked inside her mug while she's drinking? There could be blood in there, and how come she always wears turtle neck sweaters then, even in the summer?

JADE: I don't know.

DANNY: To cover the scar form her vampire bites!

Miss. Leech finally arrives and stands in front of the class. She claps twice to get every one's attention and the whole class becomes silent.

MISS. LEECH: Right then class, today we are going to a drama based on Gothic tales.

Danny and Zack turn to Jade and raise both their eyebrows.

MISS. LEECH: Here's the script. (Miss. Leech hands out a script to every pupil) Groups of three please.

The children pick their groups. Jade, Danny and Zack are in a group together. The class stand in their groups and rehearse their script.

ZACK: (In a transylvanian accent) I vant to suck your blood!

JADE: Shut up.

DANNY: Face it Jade, Miss is a vampire.

JADE: (Impatiently) Can we just read the script please?

DANNY: You can't deny it. She's always late for lessons because she is out hunting. She has unnaturally pointy teeth because they are fangs. She always hides her neck so no one can see her bites. She dresses like an absolute goth.

ZACK: And have you heard her transylvanian accent? (Nodding his head) She is a proper vampire.

JADE: Vampires have red eyes.

ZACK: Only when they want to show it.

DANNY: Or when they are thirsty.

JADE: (Annoyed) I give up! (Pauses) I'm going to ask Miss. Leech if I can swap groups.

Jade stands up and walks towards Miss.Leech, still rather annoyed, while Danny and Zack are left laughing behind her.

JADE: Miss, can I swap groups please?

MISS. LEECH: (Turning her head) Why is that?

JADE: Danny and Zack are being really immature.

MISS. LEECH: There's no one else you can go with sorry Jade.

Jade sighs. She turns around and heads back to her group looking disappointed.

ZACK: (Laughing) I hope she didn't bite you.

Jade ignores Zack's comment and turns her head casually in Miss.Leech's direction. As she is turning her head back in the boys direction she sees Miss. Leech's eyes glisten a slightly red colour. Jade is facing the boys and looking rather confused.

ZACK: What's wrong?

JADE: Ummm... nothing.

Jade turns her head back in Miss. Leech's direction and Miss. Leech smiles back at her with a mouth full of white, piercing teeth.

Based on the way that this is written, I'm assuming this is meant to be a stage script. If so, PLEASE re-think your choice of media!!!! Not only would it be pretty hard to make someone grow teeth and get red eyes on stage, the audience would almost certainly not be able to see it.

It's a cute idea for a script though

I really liked this script!
I actually read the "Jade" parts.
I was pretending i was her
I could totally picture myself playing jade!
I've said that a lot in my reviews, but this one is ABSOLUTELY true.
I did this part too: Jade rolls her eyes and sighs heavily.

Haha, LOVED IT.
You should keep on writing, i'd love to show this script to my teacher(:

Yay for crazy Drama teachers!

DANNY: Yep. She's out hunting at the moment to make sure she doesn't end up sucking one of the students blood. You know what those vampires are like when they smell blood!

Okay, as I'm just getting good at apostrophes myself, I'm just hoping that I do this right.

DANNY: Yep. She's out hunting at the moment to make sure she doesn't end up sucking one of the students' blood. You know what those vampires are like when they smell blood!

ZACK: (In a transylvanian accent) I vant to suck your blood!

JADE: Shut up.

Jade sounds like me here. Just sayin'. I liked it. Gave me a chuckle. Silly Zack. I'm talking in fragments ...!

MISS. LEECH: There's no one else you can go with sorry Jade.

Just a bit of confusion there.

MISS. LEECH: There's no one else you can go with -- sorry Jade.

That could work, as well as a semi-colon, too, I think.


Oh, and

MISS. LEECH:

Doesn't need the period used, as though it's a short-form. Unless that's the way it's done across the pond. I think the period is only used when shortening things like, "Mrs.", "Ms.", "Mr.", "Mme.", etc.

YAY! I liked this! It's a good, short little skit -- and Zack and Danny are really just two bumbling idiots who'd be fun to play as. Keep writing -- this was great for your first script. I think the formatting was all in place, and there were only a few grammatical errors!

Happy Scripting!

Hahaha. This is no review at all but oh well. I thought it was quite funny, sort of reminded me of a cartoon or a sitcom. The part about the turtlenecks particularly amused me because I know personally that one can't wear a turtleneck without causing much talk......

HI there Skins.

I like this, it's a fun and amusing piece, I think it would appeal to younger audiences.

There are a few things I think you could improve on.
Firstly, I found the characters quite clichéd. There are the boys that are always messing around and acting immature, and then there's the somewhat snobby girl that is always rolling her eyes at them. If this went for much longer they could get very dislikeable and annoying.

Secondly, I could kind of see where this piece was going from the beginning, simply because the boys kept going on about how the teacher was a vampire, there was really only one way it could go.

Beside this I think this is a very good, light hearted piece.

I like this script. It’s funny and it’s tidy. I agree with the person whose comment said that they wished you could keep going with this.
I was a little confused with one thing though - did the teacher really have a Transylvanian accent. But apart from that, that was the only thing I got stuck with. Very nicely created and a very tidy job. Would’ve liked to read more, but it was good how you left us in suspense. Keep up the good work!

I enjoyed reading it while I believe vampires are overplayed in the modern media and in books it's very well written. I'm not sure how well I can critique your dialogue as I specialize in monologues it flowed very well and each character was rather believable I believe you could extend this into a movie or just a short film.

I have never written a script before, but I think yours is pretty good. Maybe you should expand the dialouge between the three friends in the beginning and crack a few jokes in the mix, becasue I don't think you intended this script to be very serious.