Young Writers Society

Script:
When visualizing this script, think of it as a Monty Python style setting, with the kind of accents for the characters. Also, I apologize for any technical problems with my script, seeing as I have never done one before.

(enter crowded square, with about 10 people, a dirty ragged man about to be hung, an executioner/ announcer, and 8 execution watchers.)

Crowd: Kill em, Kill em!

Man:Eh, you can’t do dis, I havn't done nothin' wrong.

Crowd:(chanting) Kill em!

Executioner: John Satir, is hereby accused of bringing on the famine for being a Jew. Therefore he will hang.

(Crowd is persistently roaring “kill em” the entire time)

Man: You can’t do this!

Executioner: And why not?

Man: Cause, I’m not Jewish!

Executioner: Well, what are you then?

Man: Well, I’m an atheist.

(Crowd stops and looks blankly at each other. Cue crickets. 3 seconds later..)

Crowd: KILL EM KILL EM KILL EM!!!!

Haha, I actually get this! And Mobty Python's awesome.
I like it. Nothing I can offer a critique on. That said, gold star for you.

awesome...

Ha, everyone else gives you a one word review, and I decide to review your grammar... ^_^

Man:eh, you can’t do dis, I havnt done nothin wrong.

Please at least capitalize! Also, add apostrophes when you need them.

Rewrite:

Man: Eh, you can't do dis! I haven't done nothin' wrong!

On Accents

I'm assuming you want a cockney British accent, such as the ones heard on Monty Python, aye?
This is completely British-sounding. Somethings you could do are...

--Look up the North Yorkshire dialect (one of the last dialects of standard English left!)
--Take away some of the h's. For example: 'Ello! (if you want to have a steryotypical Brit)

Overall

Uhm, this was kind of funny, but it insulted me a bit.
I hate to be a kill joy, but I'm (half) Jewish and I can't get into humour that's true -- Jews were killed for "causing plagues" and things like that. I feel like this almost crosses the line.
Sorry, I might just be being a bit oversensitive.

--Sakura

I found it funny. Even though I was a bit offended by the last part (because I am an atheist and all of that) But I love a good atheist bashing joke, because if you can;t laugh at yourself who can you laugh at.

I would like to see another part to this if there is one this.

Hmm.. I don't know how it can be found offensive. I am atheist, and I thought this up with a Jewish friend of mine. It's merely mocking the circumstance and it's not mocking atheists or Jewish people.

Aloha, Lukas! June here .

Nice work on this! Let's see:

Crowd: Kill him, Kill him!

Man:eh, you can’t do dis, I havnt done nothin wrong.

• I know I am kind of picky when it comes to scripts, but! I think that, even though this is so short, you could stand to use a bit of staging. For instance:

Crowd: (chanting) Kill him! Kill him!

And so on. Scripts are mostly dialogue, dear, so the more little hints you throw us, the better.

• Remember to include a space between your punctuation marks and the letters that follow them, dear. Also, you want to include an apostrophe in haven't and an apostrophe to show the eliminated G in nothin'.


Nice work with this,very humorous. Great job, and well done .

June

It was nice. if it's meant to be monty p language shouldn't it be:
"kill 'em! kill 'em!" instead of "kill him!"?

I liked it good enough, was worth a good chuckle. didn't seem dark at all though, just funny. Only thing I can knock it for is I wished there'd been more to piece, it ended so quickly the reader really didn't have any time to get attached to the world or its characters. that said, it was a nice work.

keep it up, I look forward to more from ya.

I did not find any of this funny, maybe it's not in the area of my sence of humor or maybe it was because it lacked description and dephth (despite it's length). I can see however; how this related to Monty Python. With the scene in "The Holy Grail" where they bring the witch forward to be burned and despite the fact she is just a women they still kill her. But as far as using a Jew with an Antheist you were better off using a Christian in the place of the Jew.

You't don't have to keep restating that the crowd is yelling "kill em", you could have stated in the beggining that crowd was chanting and through the chanting the sub dialouge was taking place. That way you get that description well put out and out of the way, leaving room for other details. Later on possibly if you were to add more, and there was still more chanting, you could then restate it to continue the visualation.

So there you go: not funny but good job!

i know it's monty python humor but it reminds me way way too much of Life of Brian (which i love). isn't there a scene almost exactly like this in that movie? oh and i'm not offended at all. i don't see how you possibly could be.

Hahaha! I can totally see Monty Python doing that!

It actually reminds me of the stoning scene in Life of Brian!

Haha funny