i appreciated any and all comments on this! i am thinking of making this a "radioplay" over an internet radio program for people to listen to, so i'd love for honest criticisms about it. thanks!
The scene opens with a salesperson and a woman at a kitchen table. The salesperson (either female or male) is young and sharp, around 20-30, well-dressed and charismatic. The salesperson has just sold an insurance for the basement walls to the woman (Mrs. Garcia).
Salesperson: (in a good mood) Just sign here... and here... Here also, but in print. And right here... And you are done with all the paperwork! It was a pleasure doing business with you, Mrs. Garcia.
He/she stands up, scooting the chair back, and gathers his papers. Salesperson and Mrs. Garcia walk towards the front door.
Mrs. Garcia: No, thank you! I had no idea how many dangers could happen upon my basement walls!
The door opens.
Salesperson: (laughs) I must get going now. Call me up and we will talk about that boat outing, all right?
Mrs. Garcia: Oh yes, I look forward to it! I need a little vacation from... everything. (She laughs)
Salesperson: (Also laughing, in good spirits) All right, Sonya, you take care. Have a good evening.
The door closes as the Salesperson walks down the driveway.
Salesperson: (satisfied, grinning, talking to self) Oh yeah, I'm good! Time for one more sale. I'll be up for the Best Sales Record for sure!
Salesperson walks along on a sidewalk, humming to himself/herself.
Salesperson: (humming)
Salesperson turns up to an average looking house, walks up the driveway and to the front porch. He/she rings the doorbell.
Salesperson: Perfectly manicured garden... Garden gnome... Ha! This sale will be a piece of cake.
There are fast, light footsteps heard behind the door. The door creaks open a bit. A young girl, Sharla, about 7 years old, peeks out from behind the door.
Sharla: Yes?
Salesperson: (amused by the little girl's greeting, chuckles a bit, in a condescending voice) Hello there!/Hello there young lady! (depending on whether is female or male, respectively) That's a beautiful shirt you have on! Is pink your favorite color?
Sharla: (all business) What do you want?
Salesperson: (chuckles more) Well, you are quite a little ball of spices, aren't you? May I speak to your mother, little girl?
Sharla: I'm seven and a half-
Sharla is interrupted by her mother, Molly, from inside the house.
Molly: (far away) Sharla, who is it?
Sharla shuts the door halfway.
Sharla: (very muted, from behind a door) There's some weird guy/lady at the door. He/she wants to talk to you.
There is some muffled talking and a faint "Go on!" by Molly. The salesperson begins to hum again.
Molly: (kind of flatly, borderline rude) May I help you?
Salesperson: (cheerfully) Good evening! My name is Alex Williams. And you, Ms...?
There is a bit of a silence.
Salesperson: (awkwardly) Uh.. Ahem. What can I call you?
Molly: Molly. Why did you want to know?
Salesperson: (chuckling slightly, growing more and more awkward) Well, if I didn't know better, I'd think you were hiding something.
Molly: What? No! (laughs forcedly, loudly, for an extended amount of time)
Salesperson: (laughing, nervously)
Molly: (coughs a bit after the laugh) But what can I do for you?
Salesperson: Well, uh... Molly... Why don't you open the door a bit? Make it a bit comfortable for you?
Molly opens the door.
Salesperson: (warming up a bit, assuming the "salesperson" attitude once again) There we go! May I come in?
Molly: I suppose...
She opens the door all the way.
Salesperson: Now, I just wanted to ask: how is your basement walls in the winter? Flaky, weak, just like a-
Molly: (interrupting, anxious) Wait... Basement? What about my basement?
Salesperson: (slightly taken aback) Er, well, how about you tell me about how it is?
Molly: It's just... normal. You know how... normal basements are... normal.
There is a blood-curdling scream all of a sudden. Sound as if from a man.
Molly: (laughing awkwardly) Heh-heh... Please... excuse me!
Salesperson: (nervous) Well, uh, I see this is not a good time for you right now so I'll just-
Molly: No! No, no! Perfectly all right. Sharla? Come here, honey.
Sharla runs over.
Sharla: What, Mommy? And why is Dad-?
Molly: Sharla, please stay here with this nice lady/man for just a minute while I... take care of Daddy.
Salesperson: I- I really think now is not a good time...
Molly: (serious) No. Stay.
Salesperson: (stuttering) Y-yes, I'll just... stay, yes...
Molly leaves quickly, the screaming still going on through all of that, sometimes words being spoken.
Salesperson: I think it's time for me to... leave... Nice to meet you... Sharla, was it?
Sharla: But Mommy told you to stay.
Salesperson: Tell her I had to-
But before he can finish, there is more yelling. Muffled, due to being far away.
Man: STOP! PLEASE! STOP! HELP ME!
Molly: Shut it! No one can hear you but me anyway.
The Salesperson freezes, unsure of what to do.
Salesperson: Is... uh... everything all right in there?
Man: SHE'S CRAZY!
Molly: (evilly) Muahahaha!
There is a sound of some kind of machine, chain-saw sounding. Then there is a silence.
Sharla: (seemingly mostly unaffected by this all) My mom and dad are weird.
Salesperson: I think I should make a phone call... (muttering) to report this psycho house to the police!
He/she reaches into his/her pockets, looking for the phone. Sharla walks off.
Salesperson: (muttering) Now where is my phone...?
Molly: (appearing out of nowhere, creepily) Why ever would you need your phone?
Salesperson: (frightened, said while Molly says her line) Oh jeez! (after Molly's line) I- I didn't realize you were back...
Molly: (more forced laughter) Why don't you... come inside? To discuss this basement thingamajig you had, of course.
Salesperson: Oh no... I think I have somewhere to go anyway, thanks...
Molly: (somewhat creepy, eerie) Are you sure? My basement my need some fixing up anyway... come take a look.
Salesperson: (nervous, squeaky) N- no! It's fine, we can come back another time. (Backing out, opening the door behind him) I... must get going.
Molly: All right then... but I would not mention this to anyone if I were you... Wouldn't want those other salespeople to thinkg you were crazy, giving up a perfectly good sale! (more forced laughter)
Salesperson: Oh, of course n-
Molly: And I do have my ways. Just remember that when you go back to your tight security house. I have my ways.
Salesperson: (flustered) Right... Right! Well.. uh.. nice meeting you. Good night!
Salesperson flings open the door and runs out of the house.
Molly: Oh, he/she was simply charming!
The man screaming from before, Mitch, walks up the stairs from the basement and comes to
Mitch: Molly, we really must just tell them we aren't interested.
Molly: (laughing) I know, we are setting an example for Sharla... But those salespeople have no dignity! Right before dinner time, bugging us for years now... And our house is perfectly fine, thank you!
Mitch: So he/she bought it?
Molly: (grinning) Worked like a charm.
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Reviews: 333