Young Writers Society

A/N: This is my first attempt at scripts, and it's no where near a serious attempt. It was for a school assignment, and it got me a decent grade, so I figured I'd post it. It makes no sense whatsoever; the only thing that really mattered was format? Feel free to tear apart and be harsh! Anyway...

A Dispute Between an Author and Character


Author: (writing at desk) I don't like where this story is going. It's boring.

Character: (glumly) Then make it interesting.

Author: I don't know how to. . . there's nothing interesting in this story that will make it interesting.

Character: (waving arms) Hel-loo, that's what I'm here for.

Author: Yeah, well you're not interesting enough.

Character: (folds arms) What? Me, not interesting enough? (snorts) Well, well, well, whose fault is that?

Author: Yours, of course.

Character: (snorts) Mine? Well, well, well... let's see about that. I didn't create myself.

Author: Maybe not, but still doesn't make you interesting enough.

Character: (mutters to self) Stupid author.

Author: Did you just call me stupid?

Character: Maybe.

Author: Did you?

Character: Maybe. Maybe not.

Author: (getting angry) Did you just call me stupid?!

Character: Yeah, I did. Whatcha gonna do about it?

Author: (thinking) I can. . . I can. . . Wait! Who are you to be calling me stupid? If it weren't for me, you wouldn't be here.

Character: And if it weren't for me, you'd have a boring story.

Author: I can have a boring story without you.

Character: Exactly. So that brings us to a conclusion.

Author: What?

Character: You're boring.

Author: I'm boring?

Character: (sighs dramatically) Of course you're boring. What did you think? Interesting people don't have trouble making interesting stories. The bottom line is, you're boring.

Author: (opens mouth to say something, but changes mind)

Character: Surprised? (pause) Oh you shouldn't be. Ya know, it takes a really great mind to come up with something interesting.

Author: (growing defensive) I do have a great mind!

Character: Oh, of course you do! I'm aware of that, of course. I mean, you made me the protagonist in your story, I'm not actually a bright character, but I mean, I don't have a problem with that (coughs) seeing that I'm brighter than. . . (cough) you.

Author: What!

Character: Now, now, no need to get all worked up. All I'm saying is, if we put our heads together, we can make an interesting story.

Author: (grumbles) As long as it doesn't involve making you some kind of. . . hero, I'm fine.

Character: (to self) Of course I'm the hero. I'm the protagonist! (turns to Author) So what is the main plot of this garbage? Er, I mean. . . story.

Author: (glares at Character) Well, the main character here--

Character: Yes, me.

Author: (rolling eyes) Yes, you, starts out on a quest to find the lost--

Character: Okay, so there's the problem. Your plot is too flat, ya know?

Author: Too flat?

Character: Yes, too flat. A quest is too boring. I'm supposed to be like a hero, rescuing people and all that good stuff. Make my role more dramatic, or, interesting.

Author: It is interesting enough.

Character: See that's where you're wrong. You don't know me well enough.

Author: Yes I do. I know everything about you.

Character: No you don't.

Author: Yes, I do. Otherwise you wouldn't be talking.

Character: No you don't, because if you did, then you'd be able to predict what I am about to say. (pauses) Hmm, let's see. What am I about to say?

Author: (thinks, and then pauses briefly) Wait, how are you talking anyway?

Character: Uh, hello, I'm talking. The same way you are. . . using my lips and vocal chords.

Author: (thinks) But wait! You're supposed. . . you're not supposed to be talking!

Character: If I'm the protagonist, or main character as you say, then I'm pretty sure I am supposed to be talking, right?

Author: (slowly) On paper yes. . . but, not to me! I'm supposed to be. . . I'm supposed to be telling you what to say!

Character: But you're not, are you? (pause) Didn't think so. (pause) So tell me again, what makes you think you're a good author?

Author: (thinking) Uh. . . I am--

Character: See! You don't even know. (giggles) Some author you are.

Author: (puzzled; to self) Something is wrong here. . .

Character: No, nothing's wrong. Everything is right here. So, since you can't find what makes you a good author you're not really a good one, so--

Author: How do you know I'm not a good author?

Character: You're not, because-- you know, never mind. It's not worth it, you wouldn't understand, you're not a bright crayon anyhow.

(Pause)

Author: Wait, what's this got to do with crayons?

Character: (sighs; to self) Didn't I say 'e wasn't a bright crayon. . .

Author: So, you say you're a bright crayon and I'm not?

Character: Well, what can I say? I am.

Author: But. . . wouldn't that make me a bright crayon, too?

Character: (thoughtfully rubbing chin) Not necessarily. . .

Author: (confused) But, in order to make you a bright crayon wouldn't I have to be a bright crayon?

Character: That would seem logical. . . but in this case, no. (long pause) Surprised?

Author: I don't like you as my main character.

Character: And? What are you going to do about it? There's nothing you can do.

Author: (thinks) This. (proceeds to erase all traces of Character) There. Much, much better. (walks away mumbling) Talking about lips and vocal chords. . .

HaHaHaHaHaHa...
Ok, give me a minute to breathe.

Okay, I'm good. That was funny!

Author: (thinks) But wait! You're supposed. . . you're not supposed to be talking!

Character: If I'm the protagonist, or main character as you say, then I'm pretty sure I am supposed to be talking, right?

Author: (slowly) On paper yes. . . but, not to me! I'm supposed to be. . . I'm supposed to be telling you what to say!

Is the author suppposed to repeating here? I don't understand why he would be.

Other than that slight miny thing I saw, I thought it was really good! I would go on and on about how good it was, but....

Anyway, good job and I'm giving you your first star on this piece!

This conversation sounds way too familiar. I LOL'd. This isn't a review, because I have no suggestions! Nice work. *star*

June! Haha! I don't think here is anything to improve! I loved this. *Gold Star* I pictured the Character as the ginger bread man off of Shrek, I don't kow why. It just made it all the more funny.


Hilarious.


---Jon---

P.S.-- Sorry I wasn't much help. It was great!

Hah! This is priceless!! Now, to critique.

Character: (folds arms) What? Me, not interesting enough? (snorts) Well, well, well, whose fault is that?

Author: Yours, of course.

Character: (snorts) Mine? Well, well, well... let's see about that. I didn't create myself.

The "well, well, well" in both of the character's lines gets to me. It's too much repetition.

Author: I'm boring?

I'd shift the italics to "I'm."

Author: What!

Don't know why, but I'd rather see a question mark at the end of this.

Character: And? What are you going to do about it? There's nothing you can do.

I'd add some more description of his tone of voice and/or movement here. You've put so much in, that I'd gotten used to it, and now... nothing.

(walks away mumbling) Talking about lips and vocal chords. . .

Is he saying the line "Talking about lips and vocal chords"? If he is, I have a bit of a hard time seeing how it fits in with the tone of everything else.

Overall-Priceless, helarious, and way, to, true! Despite the relitive shred above might lead you to believe, I loved this.

Gold star!

I could recognize almost everything the author says from my conversations with myself. =D Deja vu much?

The only real nitpick I have is with the amount of parentheticals (the stuff in parentheses:

(folds arms)

and so on). They're a little distracting in reading the script, and often they're not needed. Example:

Author: (thinking) I can. . . I can. . . Wait! Who are you to be calling me stupid? If it weren't for me, you wouldn't be here.

In cases like this they aren't really needed, because the reader can already assume that they're being thoughtful by their dialogue. :]

I loved the script! Definitely deserves a gold star. Sorry about the miniature lecture, and...good luck writing. :]

Oh my gosh, that was hilarious! I would so start bursting out laughing at this very moment but my dad is in the other room. So on the inside, I am laughing out loud! (That doesn't make any sense, but oh well! Neither does this script!)
I just didn't really understand the last line, "Talking about lips and vocal cords." But then again, maybe that's just my fault, I am a blond!
The strange thing is that I actually had a conversation with one of my characters like this, it freaked me out at first, but then she just told me thank you for making her well developed enough to talk to me in person. Though I do feel like a lunatic right about now................
So, over all, that was a terrific script and I'd like to hear some more!

Keep on writing!

Hello!

Would you believe that I actually have conversations like this with my characters? it's worst when I have to kill them...

I can't really find a way to critique this. its really good though, noce and quirky, funny. Maybe be a little harsher with your editing - it seems to drag slightly. I might have ended it with "You're not supposed to be talking!"

Then again, what would be really funny is if someone walked in on this converation...

excellent work!

*Gold Star* Nice work! Couldn't find any nit-picks here. Sorry, I don't get the last line either. Might want to get rid of the vocal cords but! Good script!

That was cool. I'm giving you a Gold Star. I ventured into scripts for no reason, really, but I found this. I always have little conversations with my characters. Yes, it sounds funny. But thats what its like. I always question what I can do to make the plot more exciting. This is so true for me. Good job.

LaReina!

I do indeed like this and I am indeed to lazy to nit-pick. I think the reason why people like this because they can connect with it making it all the more merrier because we are all authors ourselves. I pat you on the back, because for some odd reason, that sounds so familiar. I give you a Gold Star! And a great review that is indeed no so great! But doesn't that just make it great?

I really did enjoy this piece so good job!

~Incognito

P.S. I tend to have those kind of arguments with my imaginary friend Steve. He is a fairly stubborn fool.

This is SOO funny!
Love it!
The only thing that kind of doesn't make sense is how each line is said.
Play around with it!
Don't be afraid to go over the top.
That's what scripts are for!
But honestly, I love it.

Hahahahaha!!! Can you say, "roflmao"?

This is so completely true. I have these kinds of disputes all the time. Of course, the real drama is when the characters from different stories begin arguing with each other. Now there's something to get offended over. xD

Loved this, June. You're a comical genius!
Gold star!

I know I already posted before, but I didn't tell you my favorite part!

Author: (confused) But, in order to make you a bright crayon wouldn't I have to be a bright crayon?

Character: That would seem logical. . . but in this case, no. (long pause) Surprised?

Author: I don't like you as my main character.

My friends are always asking me questions and my answer half the time is "That would be logical", and then five minutes later I say, "But logic sucks." That may not sound funny on paper, but it's one of those, "you-had-to-be-there" things!

Good work!

Keep writing!

God Bless!

Love it!!!!!!! Way to think out of the box!!!!!!!! Yes, yet another person is going to give you a gold star. Get used to it (me trying to be sarcastik). If only I knew where you got this idea (no I don't actully want to know I have my own way of doing things). er............... sorry I was rambiling again Might as well quote............

Pure Genuis: Character: And if it weren't for me, you'd have a boring story.

Author: I can have a boring story without you.

Character: Exactly. So that brings us to a conclusion.

Author: What?

Character: You're boring.

Author: I'm boring?

Ahhh self denial from a nut job who hears voices, love it