*Contains spoilers!!! Do not read if you haven't read Breaking Dawn!!*
I'm so sorry to post another Twilight spoof. Please don't feel like you have to read this, for I'm sure that it will be terribly boring. I was bored, so... well... here's the result.
Oh and by the way, this script was not intended to insult any Twilight fans or Stephenie Meyer and her series. But it's just so much fun to exaggerate the personalities of the Twilight characters. I don't have anything against Stephenie Meyer and I only portrayed her as an idiot in this script because I think it is entertaining to read. I don't actually think that she is an idiot. : )
Characters:
Edward
Bella
Charlie
Priest
Carlisle
Rosalie
Jacob
Stephenie Meyer
Winter's Twelfth Night
BELLA: [sitting in car waiting for EDWARD] Oh my gosh, I hate Edward for giving me this amazing car! I definitely should not be grateful. It makes me feel so self-conscious!
EDWARD: [walks over to car and opens door] Bella! [Flings himself on her] I haven’t seen you for like...like… a whole hour! I thought you were dead! Don’t ever, ever, leave me like that again! You didn’t even call me.
BELLA: Edward, I just had to get a sweatshirt from Charlie’s house. I was gone for like ten minutes. Why are you freaking out? I’m not dead.
EDWARD: Oh. Right. Well then I forgive you. But you better watch your behavior, young
lady. I’m an extremely hot, perfect guy and I’m sure that I could find another fiancé who won’t go missing for whole hours.
BELLA: What?!? [faints and then goes into New Moon mode]
EDWARD: Oh crap, I forgot about that. Bella? I didn’t mean it. Come on, you’re being so dramatic.
BELLA: [sits up really quickly at the sound of EDWARD’s voice and smacks her head on the ceiling of the car] Ow. EDWARD IS THAT YOU???!!! Oh my God, I thought I would have to kill myself. [flings herself on EDWARD]
EDWARD: Ummm…..
[Cut to the wedding. BELLA is standing at the end of the aisle with CHARLIE. They begin to walk.]
BELLA: [aside to CHARLIE] Yay Daddy! I’m getting marr- [Trips on nothing and falls on her face]
CHARLIE: God, Bella, you’re so uncoordinated.
BELLA: [gets up from floor with a bloodstained dress] Dad my nose is broken. It’s bleeding everywhere.
CHARLIE: [chuckles] You’ll be fine. Keep walking.
[They proceed down the aisle creating a trail of blood drops. EDWARD is trying very hard not to break into a fit of giggles. They reach the altar and the PRIEST says all the marriage stuff]
PRIEST: You may now kiss the bride.
[BELLA smiles, the lower part of her face is caked in blood]
EDWARD: Oh, um, ok. [Grimaces and quickly kisses BELLA, who frowns. Everyone claps and they all leave for dinner.]
[Cut to dinner]
BELLA: [walks over to EDWARD and slaps him. Her hand goes flying across the room and hits ROSALIE in the back of the head. ROSALIE screams] Ow! My hand! It’s gone! Your face took my hand off!
EDWARD: Wait, what? I didn’t feel anything. Oh I’m sorry, were you trying to hurt me? [falls on the floor laughing hysterically]
BELLA: Edward! My hand is detached from my body!! Stop rolling on the floor! Somebody go get Carlisle!
[CARLISLE staggers over to BELLA and falls on top of EDWARD, giggling uncontrollably. Apparently he has had a little too much wine.]
BELLA: Oh screw this, I’m gonna go talk to Jacob.
[BELLA walks over to where JACOB is sulking in a corner]
BELLA: Hey Jacob. Look what Edward did to my hand. [Shows her bloody stump of an arm] Doesn’t that make you angry? Don’t you want to fight him now?
JACOB: Yes. I love you. You love me too. Look, I grew my hair long for you. And I’m smiling. Will you make out with me in front of everyone in the room?
BELLA: Well, I don’t know. I’m married now, I’m not sure if I should do that.
JACOB: Come on Bella. It doesn’t count if your husband is a vampire.
BELLA: Really? Well ok then.
[JACOB and BELLA make out very passionately. Intense moment. EDWARD sees and marches over to them. DUH DUH DUUUHHHHHH!]
EDWARD: I KILL YOU!!!!! [Kills Jacob with his incredible vampire blood-sucking abilities!]
JACOB: [dies]
BELLA: OMG Edward! That was not very nice! Why would you do that? Why?? He was my only friend!! Now apologize.
EDWARD: Apologize? But Bella, I don’t think you understand-
BELLA: Edward, apologize to him NOW!
EDWARD: But- ok. I’m sorry Jacob.
BELLA: Thank you. I’m sure he forgives you.
STEPHENIE MEYER: [suddenly appears next to EDWARD and BELLA] I think I need to add a few more words to this script to make it good. Let’s see… umm… well God-like, of course. What else… dazzle. And… umm... topaz. And beautiful. Masochistic, for sure. And cold and icy. And God-like. And icy. DAZZLE! There, perfect. You may continue with your script now.
WINTER’S TWELFTH NIGHT: Umm, thanks. You just ruined my script. Now I can’t continue because of the horrid repetition.
STEPHENIE MEYER: Hey, using those words makes me sound smart. Without them my story would be lacking good word choice.
WINTER: Well, it already lacks plot and interesting characters so why not add a little repetition? I understand completely.
STEPHENIE MEYER: WEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
WINTER: So, you enjoy writing about nothing, then?
MEYER: Oh yes I- OOOOOOOOOOOOOHHHHH!!!!!!!!! LOOK!!!!!!!!!!!!! [runs over to CARLISE who is still giggling on the ground] That looks like FUN!! [lies down on the ground and giggles uncontrollably next to CARLISLE]
EDWARD: Is that the one that wrote my story?
BELLA: I believe that it is in fact my story, Edward.
EDWARD: Ha! I laugh at you! If it were not for my beautifulness this series would not have sold even ten copies.
BELLA: But I'm uncoordinated! Isn't that fun to read about?
WINTER: It's fun to watch!
BELLA: [falls on MEYER]
MEYER: HEHEHEHEHEHEHEHE!!! WEEEEEEE!!!!
EDWARD: Bella!! Are you ok?
BELLA: [Starts to sob]
[EDWARD picks BELLA up off the ground and comforts her]
EDWARD: It's ok Bella. It's ok. Stephenie Meyer won't hurt you.
WINTER: [Rolls her eyes and leaves]
MEYER: [suddenly becomes serious and stands up] Or will I? Maybe I am the Volturi in disguise!!
EDWARD: Nice disguise.
MEYER: Why thank you! My son made it for me. Isn't it beautiful?
EDWARD: Quite.
BELLA: Edward she's going to hurt me again! Don't let her hurt me!!!!
EDWARD: No no, Bella. This is the one that created you! And more importantly, she is the one who created ME!
BELLA: Oh, ok then.
MEYER: Or am I?
WINTER: [Rolls her eyes in the distance]
Gender:
Points: 890
Reviews: 37