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The Butterfly Effect



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Points: 1048
Reviews: 16
Mon Jan 03, 2011 5:37 am
EAThomas says...



(This was a one act play I wrote for my University's One Act Play Festivle. I won, so I was able to produce my play. It isn't exactly what I originally wrote because of staging, but it's very close to the way it was when I first wrote it.)

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


Intro:

Alice: (Enters and addresses the audience.) In life we get choices, millions of them, some are big, and some are small. Some peoples choices lead them good places, and some peoples choices lead them bad place. Everyone, at one point or another, looks back and thinks: what if I had done it differently? What if I had married that boy who proposed to me in 1972? I hear he’s a multi-millionaire now. What is I had stayed in school longer? I could have been a rocket scientist instead of an 8th grade physical science teacher. What if I had written that story I’d always wanted to write? I could have been rich and famous. We all think those types of things, whether we’re young or old. I know I think them, but I stick by my choice, for better or worse, I already made them. My name is Alice, and this is my story.

Scene I

(Scene opens on Alice typing on a computer. The alarm suddenly goes off.)

Radio Announcer: Hey, Hey, Hey! This is Saul, and you’re listening to Early Mornings with Saul! It’s now 6:30 A.M. January 16th, 2009, and you’re joining us in the middle of one of our monster music block hours. Now, back to the music!

Alice: (Reaches over and shuts off the radio, looking at the clock) Is it really 6:30? I can’t believe I’ve been working all night. Nothing like a deadline and a pot of coffee to keep a person up at night. (Stands and walks to another area of the stage where John is asleep.) John, it’s time to get up. You have work, and we need to get the kids off to school.

John: (Grumbles, but slowly starts to get up) I’m up.

Alice: (Goes to another part of the stage to wake up the kids) Mary! Todd! It’s time to wake up; you have to get to school!

Todd: I’m already up! (Enters with his books) I have to leave early today; I have a meeting to get to.

Alice: Breakfast?

Todd: Toast! (Goes to make toast)

Mary: (Enters with her books, yawning) Good morning mom, did you get your book finished?

Alice: (Has been making breakfast. She yawns, and hands Mary a plate and cup) Yes, I got it done a little while ago and just sent it to the editor.

John: (Enters the kitchen and kisses his wife and daughter on the forehead) This one going to be another best seller honey?

Alice: It would be nice.

Todd: Bye mom, bye dad. (Runs off stage, toast and books in hand)

John: Where’s he going?

Alice: Meeting, speaking of which, don’t you have a meeting this morning too?

John: (Gets up from the table, where he’d just sat down) Unfortunately.

Alice: (Hands him a mug and some toast) Good luck today.

John: (Heads out quickly, things in hand) Bye, Sweetheart, bye, Dear.

Mary: So, Mom, can you give me a ride to school?

Alice: Of course, Dear. Now go get your things.

Mary exits

The phone rings

Alice: (answers)
Oh, hi, Bob… what do you mean that the computer cut some of it? Oh man! Read me what the last sentence is… (Suddenly relieved) Oh good, it only cut the last line. What is it you say? “After all, at the end of the day, I actually am happy.” Got that? Good, see you in a few.

Mary: (Returns, books under her arm) Hey, Mom, I got to ask, do you like being a novelist? I mean, you always seem really tired when the deadline comes around.

Alice: I do, and after all, at the end of the day, I actually am happy.

Exeunt

Scene II

(Scene opens on Alice and John asleep in bed. The alarm starts to go off)

Radio Announcer:
Hey, Hey, Hey! This is Saul, and you’re listening to Early Mornings with Saul! It’s now 6:30 A.M. January 16th, 2009, and you’re joining us in the middle of one of our monster music block hours. Now, back to the music!

Alice: (Reaches over and shuts off the radio, looking at the clock) Is it really 6:30? I can’t believe it. It feels like I just rolled in to bed. Nothing like a flatline and a pot of coffee to keep a person up at night. (Rolls over and taps John on the shoulder before getting up.) John, it’s time to get up. You have work, and we need to get the kids off to school.

John: (Grumbles, but slowly starts to get up) I’m up.

Alice: (Goes to another part of the stage to wake up the kids) Mary! Todd! It’s time to wake up; you have to get to school!

Todd: I’m already up! (Enters with his books) I have to leave early today; I have a meeting to get to.

Alice: Breakfast?

Todd: Toast! (Goes to make toast)

Mary: (Enters with her books, yawning) Good morning, Mom… um, how was your evening?

Alice: (Has been making breakfast. She yawns, and hands Mary a plate and cup) It was all right. I spent most of the night trying to save some kid who’d gotten caught in the cross fire of a gang shoot out

John: (Enters the kitchen and kisses his wife and daughter on the forehead) This one going to be okay honey?

Alice: It would be nice.

Todd: Bye, Mom, bye, Dad. (Runs off stage, toast and books in hand)

John: Where’s he going?

Alice: Meeting, speaking of which, don’t you have a meeting this morning too?

John: (Gets up from the table, where he’d just sat down) Unfortunately.

Alice: (Hands him a mug and some toast) Good luck today.

John: (Heads out quickly, things in hand) Bye, Sweetheart, bye, Dear.

Mary: So, Mom, can you give me a ride to school?

Alice: Of course, Dear, now go get your things.

Mary exits

Alice: (Walks over to a nearby chair and picks up a book, flipping through it to the last page. She reads the page silently, then smiles.) “After all, at the end of the day, I actually am happy.” (Closes the book and sets it back down on the chair)

Mary: (Returns, books under her arm) Hey, Mom, I got to ask, do you like being a doctor? I mean, you always seem really tired when get back, especially since you started the night shift.

Alice: I do, and after all, at the end of the day, I actually am happy.

Exeunt

Scene III

(Scene opens on Alice and John asleep in bed. The alarm starts to go off)

Radio Announcer:
Hey, Hey, Hey! This is Saul, and you’re listening to Early Mornings with Saul! It’s now 6:30 A.M. January 16th, 2009, and you’re joining us in the middle of one of our monster music block hours. Now, back to the music!

Alice: (Reaches over and shuts off the radio, looking at the clock) Is it really 6:30? I can’t believe it. It feels like I just rolled in to bed. Nothing like a deadline and a pot of coffee to keep a person up at night. (Rolls over and taps John on the shoulder before getting up.) John, it’s time to get up. You have work, and we need to get the kids off to school.

John: (Grumbles, but slowly starts to get up) I’m up.

Alice: (Goes to another part of the stage to wake up the kids) Mary! Todd! It’s time to wake up; you have to get to school!

Todd: I’m already up! (Enters with his books) I have to leave early today; I have a meeting to get to.

Alice: Breakfast?

Todd: Toast! (Goes to make toast)

Mary: (Enters with her books, yawning) Good morning, Mom… um, thanks for staying up all night to help me finish my project. I don’t think I could have gotten it done without your help.

Alice: (has been making breakfast. She yawns, and hands Mary a plate and cup) It’s fine dear. My mother did the same thing for me. Just don’t try to make a habit of it, okay?

John: (Enters the kitchen and kisses his wife and daughter on the forehead) Of course she won’t. I think going to school without any sleep is a good reason to not do that again.

Alice: It would be nice.

Todd: Bye, Mom, bye, Dad. (Runs off stage, toast and books in hand)

John: Where’s he going?

Alice: Meeting, speaking of which, don’t you have a meeting this morning too?

John: (Gets up from the table, where he’d just sat down) Unfortunately.

Alice: (Hands him a mug and some toast) Good luck today.

John: (Heads out quickly, things in hand) Bye, Sweetheart, bye, Dear.

Mary: So, Mom, can you give me a ride to school?

Alice: Of course, Dear. Now go get your things.

Mary exits

Alice: (Walks over to a nearby chair and picks up a book, flipping through it to the last page. She reads the page silently, then smiles.) “After all, at the end of the day, I actually am happy.” (Closes the book and sets it back down on the chair)

Mary: (Returns, books under her arm) Hey, Mom, I got to ask, do you like being a stay-at-home mom? I mean, you gave up your career to take care of us, and to stay up late to help me with projects.

Alice: I do, and after all, at the end of the day, I actually am happy. (Turns to follow Mary off stage, then stops). Hold on dear, let me get my keys.

Epilogue

Alice: This is my story. You may ask which one is real, which one actually happened, which one is really my story. The answer to all of those questions is this: Yes. (Exit)
Last edited by EAThomas on Mon Jan 03, 2011 6:59 am, edited 1 time in total.
  





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83 Reviews



Gender: Female
Points: 12621
Reviews: 83
Mon Jan 03, 2011 6:42 am
Durriedog says...



Hey Tom! Your post caught my eye for some reason. Keep in mind that although I've never reviewed a Script before, I've written and read several before. Also recognise that this is my interpretation of it, as if I was in the audience. Comments in red.

EAThomas wrote:(This was a one act play I wrote for my University's One Act Play Festivle. I won, so I was able to produce my play. It isn't exactly what I originally wrote because of staging, but it's very close to the way it was when I first wrote it.)

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


Intro:

Alice: (Enters and addresses the audience.) In life we get choices, millions of them, some are big, and some are small. Some peoples choices lead them good places, and some peoples choices lead them bad place. Everyone, at one point or another, looks back and thinks: what if I had done it differently? What if I had married that boy who proposed to me in 1972? I hear he’s a multi-millionaire now. What is I had stayed in school longer? I could have been a rocket scientist instead of an 8th grade physical science teacher. What if I had written that story I’d always wanted to write? I could have been rich and famous. We all think those types of things, whether we’re young or old. I know I think them, but I stick by my choice, for better or worse, I already made them. My name is Alice, and this is my story.

Scene I

(Scene opens on Alice typing on a computer. The alarm suddenly goes off.)

Radio Announcer: Hey, Hey, Hey! This is Saul, and you’re listening to Early Mornings with Saul! It’s now 6:30 A.M. January 16th, 2009, and you’re joining us in the middle of one of our monster music block hours. Now, back to the music!

Alice: (Reaches over and shuts off the radio, looking at the clock) Is it really 6:30? I can’t believe I’ve been working all night. Nothing like a deadline and a pot of coffee to keep a person up at night. (Stands and walks to another area of the stage where John is asleep.) John, it’s time to get up. You have work, and we need to get the kids off to school. (This is slow for the audience! It's like Alice is reading her day organiser to us. Don't tell, show us. You'll often hear this piece of advice in a story or novel critique, but it applys to all areas of written work. See the links down the bottom of the review, I found them helpful and I hope you would too.)John: (Grumbles, but slowly starts to get up) I’m up.

Alice: (Goes to another part of the stage to wake up the kids) Mary! Todd! It’s time to wake up; you have to get to school!

Todd: I’m already up! (Enters with his books) I have to leave early today; I have a meeting to get to.

Alice: Breakfast?

Todd: Toast! (Goes to make toast)

Mary: (Enters with her books, yawning) Good morning mom, did you get your book finished?

Alice: (Has been making breakfast. She yawns, and hands Mary a plate and cup) Yes, I got it done a little while ago and just sent it to the editor.

John: (Enters the kitchen and kisses his wife and daughter on the forehead) This one going to be another best seller honey? (I like how you're showing us a bit of your character's daily life here, but the characters all speak the same way. It'd give them more depth if they had distinctive speech patterns)

Alice: It would be nice.

Todd: Bye mom, bye dad. (Runs off stage, toast and books in hand)

John: Where’s he going?

Alice: Meeting, speaking of which, don’t you have a meeting this morning too?

John: (Gets up from the table, where he’d just sat down) Unfortunately.

Alice: (Hands him a mug and some toast) Good luck today.

John: (Heads out quickly, things in hand) Bye, Sweetheart, bye, Dear.

Mary: So, Mom, can you give me a ride to school?

Alice: Of course, Dear. Now go get your things.

Mary exits *(End italics)

The phone rings

Alice: (answers)
Oh, hi, Bob… what do you mean that the computer cut some of it? Oh man! Read me what the last sentence is… (Suddenly relieved) Oh good, it only cut the last line. What is it you say? “After all, at the end of the day, I actually am happy.” Got that? Good, see you in a few.

Mary: (Returns, books under her arm) Hey, Mom, I got to ask, do you like being a novelist? I mean, you always seem really tired when the deadline comes around.

Alice: I do, and after all, at the end of the day, I actually am happy.

Exeunt

Scene II

(Scene opens on Alice and John asleep in bed. The alarm starts to go off)

Radio Announcer:
Hey, Hey, Hey! This is Saul, and you’re listening to Early Mornings with Saul! It’s now 6:30 A.M. January 16th, 2009, and you’re joining us in the middle of one of our monster music block hours. Now, back to the music!

Alice: (Reaches over and shuts off the radio, looking at the clock) Is it really 6:30? I can’t believe it. It feels like I just rolled in to bed. Nothing like a flatline and a pot of coffee to keep a person up at night. (Rolls over and taps John on the shoulder before getting up.) John, it’s time to get up. You have work, and we need to get the kids off to school. (This is an ubrupt way to show the day repeating, I like it!)

John: (Grumbles, but slowly starts to get up) I’m up.

Alice: (Goes to another part of the stage to wake up the kids) Mary! Todd! It’s time to wake up; you have to get to school!

Todd: I’m already up! (Enters with his books) I have to leave early today; I have a meeting to get to.

Alice: Breakfast?

Todd: Toast! (Goes to make toast)

Mary: (Enters with her books, yawning) Good morning, Mom… um, how was your evening?

Alice: (Has been making breakfast. She yawns, and hands Mary a plate and cup) It was all right. I spent most of the night trying to save some kid who’d gotten caught in the cross fire of a gang shoot out

John: (Enters the kitchen and kisses his wife and daughter on the forehead) This one going to be okay honey?

Alice: It would be nice.

Todd: Bye, Mom, bye, Dad. (Runs off stage, toast and books in hand)

John: Where’s he going?

Alice: Meeting, speaking of which, don’t you have a meeting this morning too?

John: (Gets up from the table, where he’d just sat down) Unfortunately.

Alice: (Hands him a mug and some toast) Good luck today.

John: (Heads out quickly, things in hand) Bye, Sweetheart, bye, Dear.

Mary: So, Mom, can you give me a ride to school?

Alice: Of course, Dear, now go get your things.

Mary exits

Alice: (Walks over to a nearby chair and picks up a book, flipping through it to the last page. She reads the page silently, then smiles.) “After all, at the end of the day, I actually am happy.” (Closes the book and sets it back down on the chair)

Mary: (Returns, books under her arm) Hey, Mom, I got to ask, do you like being a doctor? I mean, you always seem really tired when get back, especially since you started the night shift.

Alice: I do, and after all, at the end of the day, I actually am happy.

Exeunt

Scene III

(Scene opens on Alice and John asleep in bed. The alarm starts to go off)

Radio Announcer:
Hey, Hey, Hey! This is Saul, and you’re listening to Early Mornings with Saul! It’s now 6:30 A.M. January 16th, 2009, and you’re joining us in the middle of one of our monster music block hours. Now, back to the music!

Alice: (Reaches over and shuts off the radio, looking at the clock) Is it really 6:30? I can’t believe it. It feels like I just rolled in to bed. Nothing like a deadline and a pot of coffee to keep a person up at night. (Rolls over and taps John on the shoulder before getting up.) John, it’s time to get up. You have work, and we need to get the kids off to school.

John: (Grumbles, but slowly starts to get up) I’m up.

Alice: (Goes to another part of the stage to wake up the kids) Mary! Todd! It’s time to wake up; you have to get to school!

Todd: I’m already up! (Enters with his books) I have to leave early today; I have a meeting to get to.

Alice: Breakfast?

Todd: Toast! (Goes to make toast)

Mary: (Enters with her books, yawning) Good morning, Mom… um, thanks for staying up all night to help me finish my project. I don’t think I could have gotten it done without your help.

Alice: (has been making breakfast. She yawns, and hands Mary a plate and cup) It’s fine dear. My mother did the same thing for me. Just don’t try to make a habit of it, okay?

John: (Enters the kitchen and kisses his wife and daughter on the forehead) Of course she won’t. I think going to school without any sleep is a good reason to not do that again.

Alice: It would be nice.

Todd: Bye, Mom, bye, Dad. (Runs off stage, toast and books in hand)

John: Where’s he going?

Alice: Meeting, speaking of which, don’t you have a meeting this morning too?

John: (Gets up from the table, where he’d just sat down) Unfortunately.

Alice: (Hands him a mug and some toast) Good luck today.

John: (Heads out quickly, things in hand) Bye, Sweetheart, bye, Dear.

Mary: So, Mom, can you give me a ride to school?

Alice: Of course, Dear. Now go get your things.

Mary exits

Alice: (Walks over to a nearby chair and picks up a book, flipping through it to the last page. She reads the page silently, then smiles.) “After all, at the end of the day, I actually am happy.” (Closes the book and sets it back down on the chair)

Mary: (Returns, books under her arm) Hey, Mom, I got to ask, do you like being a stay-at-home mom? I mean, you gave up your career to take care of us, and to stay up late to help me with projects.

Alice: I do, and after all, at the end of the day, I actually am happy. (Turns to follow Mary off stage, then stops). Hold on dear, let me get my keys.

Epilogue

Alice: This is my story. You may ask which one is real, which one actually happened, which one is really my story. The answer to all of those questions is this: Yes. (Exit) (This made little sense to me. Did your audience have the same reaction?)


Very interesting, and very deep. I enjoyed it :D

When you started doing the days over again, I expect the audience would have gotten bored, fidgety and maybe a bit angry because they wanted you to get onto the point. You can shorten the space where they are talking, cut out the unnessessary bits and make all your characters distinct people to make it more interesting, as I mentioned before.

I talked about showing, not telling previously and you might not have gotten what I ment or how to fix this. I found this article a while ago and it helped me. It explains the difference between showing and telling.
>> topic41426.html

This is a website that gives you actions to explain feelings. I'm sure you can find tired there or any other feelings your character might have.
>> http://thebookshelfmuse.blogspot.com/20 ... nails.html
Here's the article specific to wariness:
>> http://thebookshelfmuse.blogspot.com/20 ... iness.html
As always, I hope I was useful!

Love, Durrs
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User avatar
19 Reviews



Gender: None specified
Points: 1040
Reviews: 19
Mon Jan 10, 2011 11:03 pm
MaskedPoet says...



Hey, I've never reveiwed a script and this one I can't exactly reveiw due to the fact it feels almost... pointless? Why? Cause it was already succsful and you had already made this into one amazing script! I loved it, and the idea, but it did get repteive kind of, and it was annoying, but looking past it it was amazing, the reptivness i would change.. but if it got changed the script wouldn't have as much meaning... there for this is perfect, almost perfect.
  








Adventure is worthwhile.
— Aesop