Spoiler! :
(RATED E+ for cartoony violence. COTF stands for commenting on flashback)
CAST:
KEEBLER: A bounty hunter with a strange past.
RANDY: An unfortunate soul.
YOUNG KEEBLER: Young keebler.
BANDITS: Bandits.
SMILES: Bandit leader.
PITA: A stick. A really big stick.
___________
(Scene opens to a desert. The camera pans until it focuses on a stray silohuete in the distance. The camera then skips to a small town. The camera then focuses on the man going into the town bar. By now it is made obvious that this man is a rough guy.)
KEEBLER: (As he bursts through the bar's door) There's a new bounty hunter in town.
(Heads turn to KEEBLER'S direction)
MAN: Who are you?
KEEBLER: My enemies know me as Keebler.
MAN II: As in the elf?
KEEBLER: No! As in the bounty hunter! (Pulls out his walking stick and poses)
MAN: Wow, that's a big stick you have there.
KEEBLER: I know.
(KEEBLER walks to the bar and sits down on a stool next to RANDY.)
KEEBLER: Bartender! I'll take a glass of apple juice on the rocks. Hold the apples.
RANDY: (Turns to face KEEBLER) Pardon, aren't you going to order something with more kick?
KEEBLER: Young man, if you had to deal with all of the fiends that I have, you would want to stay sober.
BARTENDER: Here you go. (Hands KEEBLER a glass with ice.)
KEEBLER: Thank you. (Drinks ice.)
RANDY: So, what you said back there is true? You're a bounty hunter?
KEEBLER: Not just a bounty hunter, kid. I'm THE bounty hunter. With my trusty walking stick Pita, I've been ridding the world of scum for the last decade.
RANDY: Wow, that's impressive. But don't you think you would need a better weapon than a giant stick?
KEEBLER: Me and Pita have been together forever! She's more useful than a gun, a sword, an anvil, anything!
RANDY: Fine! I didn't know you treasured your walking stick so much.
KEEBLER: We've been through so much. (Strokes PITA) I remember the day when I first met her. Care to hear the story?
RANDY: Well, actually I couldn't care le-
KEEBLER: It all started a decade ago....(flash backs)
RANDY: Crud.
(Scene flashbacks to a green foresty area. KEEBLER is shown walking the forest path as a younger man.)
RANDY: (Commenting on the flashback) Hey, is that you?
KEEBLER: Yup. When I was...a different man.
(CAMERA concentrates on YOUNG KEEBLER for a while. YOUNG KEEBLER stops and sighs)
YOUNG KEEBLER: Ah, I have been walking for days, but I can't seem to get anywhere. All I have are the clothes on my back, and this magical can of infinite noodles.
RANDY: (COTF) Noodles?
KEEBLER: (COTF) (shudder) Don't remind me!
YOUNG KEEBLER: (Keeps walking.) If only I had purpose. If only I had a job.
(A young woman runs through the forest path, screaming. She runs into YOUNG KEEBLER)
YOUNG KEEBLER: Woah, pretty missy. What is wrong with you?
PRETTY MISSY: Oh it's horrible! It's horrible! A gang of bandits have taken over Littlevillage, our little village just south of here. You must run away with your life!
RANDY:(COTF) Oh, I think I see what is going on here..
YOUNG KEEBLER: Do not worry, miss. I shall protect you!
RANDY: (COTF) Can't resist the ladies, can you?
KEEBLER:(COTF) ...The hero always gets the girl. Remember that.
PRETTY MISSY: You can't go back there! You will die a horrible death!
YOUNG KEEBLER: Young miss, I do not fear death. I shall assist you and save the town.
PRETTY MISSY: You have a wire loose, don't you.
YOUNG KEEBLER: (checks his head) Nope. I'm good. Now, I am off to save the village from the hordes of horrible bandits!
PRETTY MISSY: Smiles is the bandit leader. You don't stand a chance against him!
YOUNG KEEBLER: Keebler away! (Runs to the village)
PRETTY MISSY: Keebler? As in the elves?
YOUNG KEEBLER: (distantly) No, as in the hero! (Runs out of sight)
RANDY: (COTF) Wow, you are so stupid.
KEEBLER: Shaddap.
(Scene cuts to Littlevillage, where a little boy is being picked on by a BANDIT)
LITTLE BOY: Give Teddy back!
BANDIT: No, it's mine now! Ha ha! (Throws teddy bear in his bag) I love my job.
YOUNG KEEBLER: I suggest you give the boy his teddy bear back, mister.
BANDIT: Who said that?
(Camera pans to YOUNG KEEBLER, who has a cool expression on his face.)
YOUNG KEEBLER: I did. Give the bear back.
BANDIT: You and what army?
YOUNGER KEEBLER: How about the Army of My Fist?
RANDY: (COTF) "Army of My Fist?" Oh my gosh, did you just say that?
KEEBLER: (COTF) My lines got better as I got older.
BANDIT: You idiot. You don't even have a weapon. Socko! Whammy!
(Two more bandits appear)
BANDIT: Let's take him to the boss. I bet he'll know what to do with...what's your name?
YOUNG KEEBLER: Keebler.
SOCKO: Keebler? Hey, I love your cookies!
YOUNG KEEBLER: What?
BANDIT: Just get him!
(BANDIT'S surround YOUNG KEEBLER and beat him to a pulp)
RANDY:(COTF) Well, you just got your butt wooped.
KEEBLER: (COTF) You know what? Shut up. It gets better.
RANDY: (COTF) How that even possible?
(Scene cuts to an old abandoned shack. YOUNG KEEBLER is shown inside the shack tied to a chair.)
YOUNG KEEBLER: Where- where am I?
SMILES: In heck! Myahaahaha!
YOUNG KEEBLER: No, seriously.
SMILES: Oh, you're in my shack, Keebler. (Steps out of the shadows) And you are about to die.
YOUNG KEEBLER: Leave this town alone. They never did anything to you.
SMILES: Oh you're wrong. You are so wrong. It all started when I was little...(begins to flashback.)
KEEBLER: (COTF) Meh, this isn't a good part. I'm just going to skip SMILE'S flashback.
RANDY: (COTF) But I am interested!
(We pass Smiles's flashback.)
SMILES: ...And that was how I managed to defeat the dragon with a spork.
YOUNG KEEBLER: Wow, you are a legend! But you're a monster!
RANDY: (COTF) See, we missed it!
SMILES: Now, I must devise a way to slowly kill you, hero. Socko! What did you find on Keebler?
SOCKO: A can of infinite noodles, but no cookies...
SMILES: How interesting. (Takes noodles) So, if I were to hold can this upside down, it would never stop pouring noodles, right?
BANDIT: (smiles) Yes, that's right!
SMILES: Bring out the kiddie pool!
(BANDITS bring out kiddie pool and place YOUNG KEEBLER in it. SMILES ties can of noodles to a string above the pool and the can immediately sprays noodles.)
SMILES: Put him in the pool!
YOUNG KEEBLER: No! The noodles! Anything but the noodles!
SOCKO: Wow, what a delicous way to die.
YOUNG KEEBLER: Do you expect me do scream for mercy?
SMILES: No, Mr. Keebler. I expect you to drown in a pool of noodles!
(SOCKO places KEEBLER into pool.)
KEEBLER: Gack! Glah!
SMILES: Let's go pillage, boys.
(The BANDITS exit)
RANDY: (COTF) You're going to drown!
KEEBLER: (COTF) Just watch.
YOUNG KEEBLER: I will not die here! Hiyah! (Breaks his bonds and stands up)
RANDY:(COTF) How did you do that?
KEEBLER: (COTF) I don't know, really. But the show must go on!
YOUNG KEEBLER: Now, to save the town. (Exits)
(Scene cuts to the town square, where the BANDITS are gathering.)
SMILES: I think it is safe to say that we are done here, boys. I think it is about time to burn the place to the ground.
BANDITS: Yeah! Woo!
SMILES: I wonder which building we should start with. How about the orphanage?
BANDITS: Yeah! Woo!
SMILES: Let's take this to those several dozen barrels of gun powder, huh?
BANDITS: Yeah, woo!
(Camera cuts to YOUNG KEEBLER, who is hiding behind a building.)
YOUNG KEEBLER: I have to stop them. But how? Hey look, a stick! (picks up stick) Hey, this is a big stick. What do you think I should do, buddy?
BANDIT: Hey, what's that sound?
SOCKO: It's Keebler! And doesn't have cookies.
YOUNG KEEBLER:Watch out, you. I will beat you all to a pulp with this...here...stick. Rats.
BANDITS: (Laugh)
YOUNG KEEBLER: Stay back! Let's get them, Pita!
SOCKO: Pita?
YOUNG KEEBLER: The stick.
SOCKO: Oh.
SMILES: Kill him!
(BANDITS charge YOUNG KEEBLER)
YOUNG KEEBLER: I'm afraid. But I won't give up. (Charges)
(YOUNG KEEBLER attacks the BANDITS and surprisingly doesn't stink)
RANDY: (COTF) You're doing pretty well.
KEEBLER: (COTF) That was the day I became a man.
(BANDITS fall at YOUNG KEEBLER's feet.)
SMILES: No way. You're supposed to be a wimp!
YOUNG KEEBLER: I was a wimp. But in deep times of trouble, there will always be someone to step up out of the shadows and become somebody strong. Somebody that can lead the people he loves to a better place, and let peace reign through the world. He shall give harmony and love to all that behold him. And when he is gone, people will remember him for his greatness and strength. That person is Alexander the Great of Macedonia, but I think I come in a close second.
RANDY: (COTF) Worst. Inspiring speech. Ever.
KEEBLER: (COTF) (Sobs) Shhh! This is the good part!
SMILES: Let's go! ( lights his torch and attacks)
(An epic battle rages. SMILES seems to have the upper hand.)
SMILES: Aha! You will never beat me, never!
YOUNG KEEBLER: That's what you think. (Trips SMILES with PITA)
SMILES: Ah! No! (Falls with his torch into a pack of gun powder barrels. They explode, destroying half of the town with SMILES.)
YOUNG KEEBLER: I don't think he's all smiles anymore. Citizens, you can come out of your hidey holes.
(Citizens emerge)
YOUNG KEEBLER: Another day saved, thanks to me and Pita!
GUY: You destroyed the town! You blew up the orphanage! You smokey little-
(FLASHBACK cuts off to the present)
KEEBLER: And that's how I saved the day.
RANDY: You...you...saved the people, but you blew up the town.
KEEBLER: Tic, that's why they call me the antihero, duh. That reminds me of another story. I think I'll tell it to you right now. It all started when...
RANDY: Hey bartender, give us some noodles!
KEEBLER: NOODLES? Ah! (Runs away)
RANDY: It's seems he has an abhorrence to noodles. Fancy that. (winks at the camera.)
(The camera fades back. Credits roll.)
THE END.
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Thank you for reading!
All in all, one awesome script and I would love to see this on tv. 
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