Young Writers Society

A short monologue .
(Emma is on holiday with her boyfriend, they are walking through a park)
Gosh, I never thought I like London, I mean I know that sounds insulting since it’s your home and all but I did not think I would like it. I always just thought of plague and greed and corruption. To much Charles Dickens in high school I think. But it’s different now, you know? It has a buzz to it, an energy. It is like one big hole of colour and light and electricity. Jesus, I know I’m bad at metaphors but do you know what I mean? New York is like this, kind of. New York is more decaying; the life is getting drained out of it, corporate America, the bastards. Anyway where a entire continent away from there, and even further away from LA, thank god. I really hate that place, everything is bronze and plastic and overcrowded.
Well the point is that we are here in think a beautiful city, I might add, that makes great coffee. Come on; let’s go get a bite to eat.

Alright, so I'm not positive on how to review a monologue, but here are my comments:
First I got a couple of weird grammar or spelling things or whatever.

To much Charles Dickens in high school I think.

should be too instead of to.

Anyway where a entire continent away from there

Did you mean "Anyway, we're an entire continent away from there"?

Well the point is that we are here in think a beautiful city,

Did you mean "we are here in this beautiful city"? I don't really know what else she could be trying to say.

Well, besides that, I thought it was really great. Emma seems like a really cool character and you did a good job at turning her into somebody. Is there something else to this that would make me understand it better? Like another piece with the same character or something? Just wondering. Either way, it's really good. Bye.

Just echoing what the person above me said. Emma seems like a pretty decent character - a character worth incorporating into a proper story actually . I'm not sure what the purpose of this monologue was but then again, you don't really need a purpose for writing.

The only problem I have is with some of the grammar, it makes it harder to read and makes her speech slightly clunky which almost sucks part of the personality out of her.

Apart from the grammar which needs work it's good - so well done .

Well I thought it was pretty good. I can only say, she goes on for a long while. Sure this is all her speaking, not a story like I’m used to. But something just doesn’t seem right with her talking about seven things without a break… when you mention she is going on a walk with someone else. Her words were lovely. Expressive. So I’m not really sure how to review this. So you get a point for making something new. Another point for pouring out your soul, but that’s all I can really understand from this. Overall I like it.